A Newbie Description of a First Shave

Several friends were curious about how things went with the whole "straight razor thing". So I wrote up an e-mail to send out to them and I thought the people on SRP might get a kick out of it. Remember...this was written to be humorous, irreverent, and a bit silly. Any resemblance to any persons living or dead was not intended, and no animals were hurt or killed in the process. :-)
-AJ

There are times when I really look at myself in the mirror and wonder how I survived to the ripe old age of 39. Let me fill you in on the latest adventure….

Several months ago I found a real old style barber shop near work. From the moment you walk in the door you are treated like a king. They offer you a coke, or a beer, or a mixed drink even. I was shocked! Dang, this is kind of cool. You sit down in the chair and they proceed to give you a great haircut, shampoo, scalp massage, hot towels on the face, an old style straight razor shave, cold towels on the face, and a neck massage, with all kinds of tonics, lotions and creams thrown in while they are working. Then they send you out the door about 45 minutes after you got there…relaxed and ready to take on the world. Hmmmm, I’m starting to see why men used to hang out at the barber shop years ago. Throw in some black-jack and I’ll never leave!

Ok, so I mentioned getting an old fashioned straight razor shave. Until I found this barber I had never enjoyed a barber shave. All I can say is that it is seriously cool. There is no closer shave. And after they get done treating your face with hot towels, pre-shave lotion, after shave lotion, more hot towels, cold towels and some other creams and tonics…forget about razor burn. You’ll look like a million bucks for a couple of days. Well after a few times I thought "Gee, I can do that. How hard can it be?" Stop laughing.

Last week I order a pre-sharpened shave ready Dovo straight razor made in Germany, a Bismarck strop (the leather thing you see barbers slapping the razor on in movies), a sharpening stone, a badger hair shaving brush (yes, there is a very angry badger out there gunning for me), some good English shaving soap, and some English after-shave lotion. Then I spend 3 days in breathless anticipation waiting on my toys to show up so I can be a tough son of a gun just like my grandfather.

On Friday of last week it all shows up and the first thing I do when I get home from work is go shave…because of course I hadn’t shaved in two days so I would get to play right away. Yes, I am that weird sometimes. Can you imagine what Christmas was like at my house when I was growing up? Anyway, I head to the bathroom, and start stropping the razor. Kind of cool and hypnotic in a way. You get lulled into a sort of dreamy state. Then it’s time to lather up and shave away. First lesson learned…shave ready razor means "get ready to have every hair on your face pulled out by the roots." I should have known better than to buy a German razor. You know they have lists of all the Jews and said, "Ve haf a Juden here…send him ze dull one. Ve vill achieve ze final soluuution one vay or anozer."

By the time I was done the image looking out from my mirror was vaguely familiar…from a horror movie! Kelly the fiancé nurse walks in and says "oh my"…that was a bad sign. There shouldn’t be any scarring though. I had some very absorbent bandaging material left over from a previous surgery several years ago, and I missed the carotid by just enough that I only lost about half a pint of blood.

Then comes the cleanup…English after shave. Splash a bunch on the hands and rub vigorously into the face to "refresh and re-vitalize". Sounds good. What the bloody *&#$@%# is wrong with those Brits? Did they bottle lava? Or just sulfuric acid with a fragrance added? I’ve always heard there was something odd underneath that reserved exterior. Well now I know what it is…they are all serious masochists. After putting that stuff on my face I was still bleeding, but really didn’t care. You couldn’t see it anyway since the rest of my face was now as red as the blood.

Then you strop the blade again. This is supposed to clean the blade and keep it sharp. Not really, it’s to lull you back into that dream like state after you almost slit your own throat.

Two days later I had spent about an hour sharpening the thing on a stone and I was ready to try again. Yep, it shaved much better. Sliced the skin right off without any effort at all.

But I’m not giving up. It’ll heal, and what’s a few more scars. Besides, Grandpa would be proud. Oh yeah, and my barber is now my hero.

Wow, that's rough. I admire your enthusiasm!

Now to get your problems fixed...

Have you watched the various videos on how to shave with a straight razor? There shouldn't be much cutting of the skin when you shave.

What kind of stone is it? How did you use it? Did you perform any of the tests to assess the edge?

Maybe your barber would hone your razor so that you can have a good edge to start with.

More questions will surely come up.

(On a serious note, German razors are really very nice. I realize you were joking through most of the story, but just to be clear, the poor shave should not be blamed on the razor).

Actually I really like the razor a lot and realize that German razors are of very high quality. But of course I had to blame the razor because naturally it isn't even remotely possible the problem was ME! :-)

I have seen a couple of videos and they were really interesting. At this point I'm thinking of picking up the Lynn Abrams DVD.

As for honing...I got a 3000 grit stone and a 8000 grit stone. The 8000 is a japanese stone. Couldn't tell you what kind though. Sadly, I've talked to a couple of barbers in town and they don't recommend anyone in this area for honing. So I guess I'm sending the razor off to have it done. The edge I've gotten on it now is ok for a first attempt but it does not pass the single hair test, or falling hair test, or whatever it's called.
-AJ

Sounds like you're off to a decent start then. Those stones ought to provide a nice edge, but you could definitely improve on them with a pasted strop or finishing stone.

Let us know how things go as you continue along.

Great writeup! I'm a newbie, also waiting for near-lethal toys to arrive for my first straight shave. Wife doesn't know yet but if there is any significant blood loss I'm sure she'll clue in pretty fast. I'm also planning on avoiding alcohol-based afterslash -- er, aftershave -- until my skin has grown accustomed to regular exfoliation. Aloe vera or tea tree for me, baby!

--Mike