Printable View
CLOSURE: sick of hearing the word because like spooks, h'aints, goblins and ghosts, there is no such thing. Latest - the Boston marathon bomber(s). Nether speedy trial nor fierce punishment of the remaining degenerate will ever create closure for most of the victims or victims families or the poor SOBs who were "unharmed" but proximate to carnage. Been to war? You may go on but you never forget. Closure is some media invention - an illusion.
IMO.
I agree, closure is a B.S. term,,,, & it's usually invoked by someone with no loss in the tragedy.
I guess everyone has a different idea of what exactly closure is. Personally, it means to be able to finally get beyond whatever tragic/traumatic event you were involved in and not let that event overshadow your everyday life. It does not mean you totally forget that event. Some soldiers are able to that and some are not able to. The difference between being able to successfully cope with it or having PTSD. Not everyone has the same coping abilities.
Lets face it, you never get over an event like the death of your parents but at some point you have to function normally in society without that being constantly on your mind. The point at which you can do that is closure.
If you can't find a way to cope you stand a good chance of winding up being one bitter and twisted individual and that is no way to go through life.
That is just imo.
Bob
I had to edit my initial post, left out the word "No" ,,, what a difference one word can make,,,,,
Closure has a few definitions that don't apply to emotional distress. Such as the closure of a factory or business, in that the word indicates the permanent closing of that entity. As far as the emotional meanings of the word, personally I wouldn't discount the validity of the word. I have experienced what I would call closure to a situation. In that it was an emotionally distressing scenario that my thoughts and actions focused on for a period of time, and when I was able to clear my head of what was lingering and close the doors on that chapter of life.
Good thoughts!
The word is in common usage, I was able to use it with my kids for them to understand arraignments for my cremains at the time needed. They got the idea and can make final choices at that time.
~Richard
There are certain things we say that just make us feel good in bad situations or make others feel good. They are more social conventions and mean nothing.
it's like when someone dies say flying an airplane and we say well, he died doing something he likes. Like that makes it OK and we think well they guy probably doesn't regret dying. it makes us feel good but means nothing. Similar is when you meet someone and they say how are you? Do you think they really give a rats behind how you feel. We always say "OK" even though we may not be. The next time some says that to you just say "I'm not doing too well" and see their reaction.
I think it has some validity - there is a famous case over here of a young girl who went missing whilst on holiday with her parents - no body has ever been found but there have been several supposed sightings in various countries. Not only have they had to suffer the loss of their daughter but there is a smear campaign against them on social networks. Whether 'closure' is the right word or not, I'm sure knowing one way or the other would make a difference.
I have always had a difficult time responding to the how are you question. I just cannot do the usual nicety exchange so I usually respond with "hello," which is all that was meant by the question. It's just part of my social maladjustment and I'll probably never find closure over it.Quote:
Originally Posted by thebigspendur
I think there is nothing wrong not liking "how are you". I personally prefer Hi or Hello, most of the time the nicety exchange is pretty hypocritical and is used because it is accepted as a sort of a norm, not that the other party cares how I feel. The "How are you" is more suitable for addressing friends IMO.Quote:
Originally Posted by Utopian
I'm with this!Quote:
Originally Posted by Utopian
~Richard
Such is my experience. There is no "closure" from tragic injustice - you just suck it up and wait it out. I'm neither twisted nor sick but retribution, fast or vicious, doesn't alter my view of the world. Sure you go on or you end up with your face on a PTSD milk carton. Thing is, going on from murder isn't my idea of closure; victims don't much speak of closure. I wouldn't have the balls to suggest "closure" to a victim; I doubt that's a word shrinks use after PTShock turns into PTStress.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hirlau
I'm not against people getting up in the morning going on with their lives, Bob. I'm just saying closure, peppering the media lately, is a feel-good word that isn't connected to the subjects to whom it is directed. Is what I'm saying.
I will now go back to my more private concerns about better shaves, slurry and my future (or not) with natural honing stones.
Yea, "closure" simply means the ability to get on with the grunt. I know people who can't do that after an extended period of time and it ain't pleasant. No matter what word you use to describe that process it will always sound like a meaningless feel good word.Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterMoo
Bob
For me 'closure' means the beginning of truly experiencing the pain, not the end.
The end of numbness?Quote:
Originally Posted by WW243
This is very true.Quote:
Originally Posted by thebigspendur
For me, as a Norwegian, I experienced what I would call a culture shock the first time I visited the US.
It was in North Carolina and every darn stranger was asking us how we were doing.
Even people we met at the sidewalk or in an elevator.
Before we could even reply they were long gone.
We felt it very unpolite;)
If you ask a question, stop the hell up and listen to the answer.
Or don't ask!
Oh, and asking a Norwegian how the family is doing is a big nono, so that made a few red ears on us as well;)
I know, we are damaged from all the cold weather and the lack of sunlight.
Sounds like a lot of chapped white skin in Norway! No wonder it's not polite to ask. :chapeauQuote:
Originally Posted by Birnando
I believe, practice, and preach it is all what you make it. Granted somethings are more challenging than others but the bottom line is what you do with it. Only I can prevent not being able to let go. Having had trash/baggage of the past affect my present and possible future I choose to let go of things I can not affect and or change. I practice, practice and, practice and then practice some more.
Yes it is easier said than done but the rewards for your efforts is immeasurable. Life is good.
Maybe people use closure instead of acceptance ?
This is what I was thinking. Having more than one friend and family member take their last breath in front of me and personally going through many traumatic events in the military and out I can personally say that after a lot of time I have found acceptance enough to move on without it making me a bitter and cold soul. Not everyone can say that and it isn't always a choice. Some can and some can't. I consider myself lucky that I was able to find some closure and acceptance. Some can but won't and others simply are not able to. I wish everyone could but the truth is that those of us that can have to be sensitive and give a sh** about those who can't. Those that do choose not to also need caring and understanding. I am just lucky and it don't make me any better OR worse than anyone else.Quote:
Originally Posted by HardCase
The part of the today's use of closure that I have a hard time with is best illustrated by either missing airliners around Malaysia. The media saying that the families of victims can't have closure until they bury their relatives. Does anyone truly expect that anyone from either of those two flights is alive today? There will be people unaccounted for but no less dead. Will the relatives pine away for the missing victims forever, expecting them to walk in the door some day? What does the presence of a body signify?
Have a nice day.Quote:
Originally Posted by Birnando
:roflmao
You have to ask yourself what is the purpose of a funeral? Does it matter to the deceased? I think not. It's for the living so they know the person is really dead cause you got the body right in front of you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Splashone
Our society seems to place a premium on having the body. That's why we are always looking for war dead from WWll and why when there is a mine disaster they spend weeks or longer digging up folks already buried. There is this sense about them coming home to make the living feel better.
It's just how we as a society deal with death and we deal with it very badly and always have. Dying folks are all too often spirited away from the world and just disappear with just the immediate family and best friends to really deal with it.
You all know in hospitals when someone dies they don't wheel the body covered to the morgue. They have special carts that look like beds and they can crank down the bed so it looks flat and no one gets upset about the deceased and having to see him.
When I was too young to work I used to volunteer in the City Hospitals in NYC and when you arrived in the morning and asked about an empty bed that was occupied by a very sick person yesterday the nurse would come over and whisper in your ear "he expired".
Agreed. A term invented by a new age woman.
I dislike all nouns that have metastasized into verbs.
I knew a date was secretly tattooed on all of us somewhere!Quote:
Originally Posted by thebigspendur
But the verb metastasize means the spread of a disease to another part of the body - what's it got to do with language?:deal:Quote:
Originally Posted by WW243
Poetic license!
Examples: Source and Curate.....my use of the word metastasize was a hyperbole.Quote:
Originally Posted by UKRob
Metastasize definitions,Quote:
Originally Posted by UKRob
v. To be transmitted or transferred by metastasis.
v. To be changed or transformed, especially dangerously: "a need for love that would metastasize into an insatiable craving for attention” ( Michiko Kakutani).
v. To spread, especially destructively: "[disinformation] ... that even now continues to metastasize ... to such a degree that myth threatens to overthrow history” ( Gore Vidal).
I disagree ghost are very real.
It fits though, and comes across naturally (at least when I met you it did) which is probably healthier in a social setting than awkwardly replying with whatever is expectedQuote:
Originally Posted by Utopian
We are all impacted by a constantly changing language.
I think that perhaps it isn't the phrase that bothers you but (and this is my opinion) the lack of skillful placement of it? Any word looses its value when over used.or in other words don't cry wolf to often.-CAM-