taking a break...

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10-03-2007, 05:45 AM
edk442

taking a break...

So after 2 years of being together with my girlfriend, we are now, as of 10 minutes ago, officially on a break. :(

I've never been one to understand exactly what this means. Having sort of seen this coming for awhile and after asking some close friends what it means to be on a break, I'm no closer to understanding the exact intricacies except for knowing it's an "opportunity to find yourself and what you want from a relationship and how you can better contribute to the relationship". Personally, I think a person should call it what it is...breaking up!

And normally, I'd suck it up and move on, except for one glaring detail of our relationship....

WE LIVE TOGETHER!!!!

Now, for the time being we've agreed that neither one of us has to move out, unless it proves too much of a strain. However, I can't possibly see how I can live in the same apartment, be in love with her, but yet at the same time, not be able to act on any kind of feeling.

Does anyone think this arrangement can possibly work? :shrug:

On the plus side, I can make sure she doesn't bring any guys over...or kick his ass if she does :w :hmmm:
10-03-2007, 05:55 AM
JMS

You will either end up married, or someone will have to go!
10-03-2007, 05:57 AM
JMS

I would ask her for a straight answer, and if I didn't get one to my satisfaction I would ask her to leave, unless she lived there first, then I would leave!
10-03-2007, 06:03 AM
syslight

three things:
you are spending too much time online.... you need to decide if tyou are ready to marry her... if not one of needs to find another place.

my view is that this is your final chance... if it is not resolved within a week or so, one of you should go, until that time try and remember what attracked you in the first place and recapture that spark.

hopefully you have a spare room until then... or can agree on taking turns with the couch.

what do i know though... i did not live with my wife until after the wedding.
10-03-2007, 06:07 AM
heavydutysg135

I am really sorry to hear that. It sounds like it would be a very tough situation to live with her under these circumstances, and I am not sure how it can possibly work out well. If you guys had a fight and she is just not happy with you right now then maybe you can try to talk about it and resolve the issue, but if this just came as a surprise then I would move on.
10-03-2007, 07:36 AM
Quick Orange

Let things chill out, then try to talk about it. If it's something that can be worked out and you want to, go for it.

If she's feeling crowded by you or getting tired of you, you might give it some deep thought. The key (to me) is to step back, take a deep breath, and come at everything from a new angle. Sometimes your clarity of the situation goes out the window with whatever is going on at the moment, and you can't really work or think out what the problem really is without stepping away for a minute,
10-03-2007, 10:41 AM
Bruno

Sorry to hear that.
What 'being on a break' is I don't know. The only time I have heard that phrase is in 'friends' but that is not much of a reference.
I am in no way fit to give advice because the woman I married was my first real girlfriend.

IM-unexperienced-O, the only way your relationship can survive is if you can talk about the issues that are driving you apart atm.
My suggestion would be to go someplace away from your home, like a small restaurant, or a lookout point, or anything that is away from home but where you both feel comfortable at ease and where you can have a relaxed conversation.

and then you talk about anything. about what you like about your living together, don't like, things you don't like but never said.
That talk should give you both an idea about the possibility of having a future together.

In any case, I hope everything works out between you and your girlfriend.
10-03-2007, 05:52 PM
edk442

Quote:

Originally Posted by syslight

you are spending too much time online....

i kind of laughed because it's probably true, but how do you figure?
10-03-2007, 06:21 PM
JLStorm

There is no such thing as a break if you live together, that is bullshit. You either are together or you can take a break a part, but you cant take a break together, its not possible. Sounds like she wants the best of both worlds to me...time for a wake up call.
10-03-2007, 07:35 PM
heavydutysg135

Quote:

Originally Posted by JLStorm

There is no such thing as a break if you live together, that is bullshit. You either are together or you can take a break a part, but you cant take a break together, its not possible. Sounds like she wants the best of both worlds to me...time for a wake up call.

I don't really know anything about your girlfriend, but the more I think about it the more I agree with JLStorm. If I were you I would ask her to be straight with you. You guys have been together for two years and have been living together for at least several months, so she owes you at least this much. If she is willing to be honest with you and the problem is something that you can fix, then great! Fix the problem and move on. You are not the first couple to have a problem nor will you be the last. On the other hand if she is not willing to be honest with you about the problem or if the problem is not really something that can be fixed (she is bored with you or wants to see what it would be like with someone else) then unfortunately it is time to move on to another girl and place to live. You are not the first guy to be hurt by a girl, nor will you be the last. I just don't see any other way. I sincerely hope everything works out for you. Please keep us posted about the situation. A guy can only be so strong, and having an ex-girlfriend that I still had feelings for bring another guy to where I lived would be more than I could take.

David
10-03-2007, 11:14 PM
custommartini

Quote:

Originally Posted by JMS

I would ask her for a straight answer, and if I didn't get one to my satisfaction I would ask her to leave, unless she lived there first, then I would leave!

I'm with Mark on this one. I don't even know what a break means (damn female vocab...), but it doesn't sound possible when in the same house.
10-04-2007, 12:44 PM
LX_Emergency

Taking a break from each other and living together are a physically impossible combination.

Sit her down and talk untill there's either no relationship left or it's solved and you're both happy.

Taking a break is just a way of dragging out the misery and causing more pain (probably for both of you).

And even if it means you break up you're better off broken up and miserable for a while then miserable for a long time, then broken up and even more miserable because of the time (and feelings) you wasted on a doomed relationship. (Believe me....I know.)
10-04-2007, 08:23 PM
floridaboy

I Have to agree with the majority on this one. Sounds as if her mind is made up. You need to talk things out in a non threatening environment, and reach a conclusion. The longer you drag your feet, The worse it will be when and if you break up.