Dear Auntie Jimbo -- my floppy brush

Dear Auntie Jimbo

My friend :o has a problem with a floppy brush. He thinks it's related to brush envy. You see, he has a very average brush and on the occasions he has sneaked a look at other men's brushes when in the bathroom, he gets feelings of inadequacy, especially when other guys have a silver tip.

And in terms of his 'handle', he's never happy with what he has. He once got the horn, but once he had the horn he realised what he really wanted was wood. Snake wood.

Now it's getting serious as he's considering having work done to create a variable loft. I tell him that surgery is never the answer, but he's so fixed on getting a stiffer brush he just won't let it go.

What do you suggest?

Yours sincerely
Mark

Well if he wants a stiffer brush , they now make "soaps" that you use inside the brush and they help to stiffen it up. Of course if you use to much they might make it overly stiff, and this is a real problem that needs attention immediatly.

Thanks, I'll be sure to pass the info along. I think he actually gets loads of spam trying to sell him those soaps that stiffen. Some of them claim to make his brush grow longer in 10 days. Do they really work?

Dear Mark,

Brush envy is a not uncommon issue for many shavers, and I commend your "friend" for being forthright and brave in bringing this issue to light.

I generally tell my patients that it's not the size of the brush that matters, it's how you use it. But, of course, this is not completely true - recent studies have shown that over 60% of faces prefer a thicker knot brush. But this again does not tell the entire story. It is my opinion that it is the ratio of girth to length that is important. But this is really a side issue. Brush envy stems from feelings of inadequacy in the bathroom.

In reality, many things affect a shaver's performance in the bathroom, the size of the brush being only one component of a rather complex whole. I counsel my clients to take a holistic approach when having shaves.

Pamper your face - let it know you care. For faces, 70% of the shave is emotional, not physical. Don't just charge in there with the brush all gung-ho! Spend time stimulating your face first - your shave-life will thank you for it!

I am reluctant to name-drop, but a famous friend of mine (let's just call him "Sting") now practices the art of tantric shaving on my recommendation. He too had brush envy and his resultant shaves always ended badly (styptic was almost always needed, hence his name).

So, the bottom line is this. Your friend's brush envy stems from deeper shave-ual issues that will not be solved by simply increasing the size of his brush or changing it's handle. He must get back in touch with his shave-uality.

Best wishes and good luck,

Aunty Jimbo.

Dear Mark,

I just read your note about your friend's brush, but I'm having trouble understanding where do you fit in? Since I am not one of those guys that beats around the bush and I much prefer to just hit the ball in I will be rather direct with you. Do you perhaps have the tendency to refer to yourself in third person? I am asking, because the only thing that is worse of having a BFD (brush functionality disorder) is not admitting it. Actually there is one thing that would be worse than even that - getting too close to and even too familiar with your friend's brush! It matters not if it's stiff or floppy, horn, or snakewood... just don't even think about it - next thing you will be thinking of 'borrowing' it <shudders>... Just don't, enough said!

Brushes are rather personal members - one must gently strike one's own brush only but on a regular basis and will be rewarded for doing so.

All this being said rigtht now I have my own brush right in front of me and let me tell you it is big and stiff, extremely well proportioned/balanced, and the tip is the best one ever. And this is how it's always been. I am pretty sure it is several standard deviations above the average brushes in all respects, but that is based only on my familiarity with the scientific statistics - as you may guess I would never look at other man's brush (female brushes are completely different and unrelated matter, though, plus these days they are becoming quite a rarity and need not concern us at the moment).

Of course it's your... uhm I mean "your friend's" brush, so I'm going to stay out of this and instead spend some more time with my own.

Mr. Up Standing

Dear Mr Upstanding

How very DARE you! Let me tell you sir, there is nothing wrong with my brush. It may not have the knot size and girth of yours (that's if we take your word for it, since men are prone to exaggerating the size of their knot), but it's the only brush I own and I'm perfectly satisfied with it.

People are often accused of referring to themselves in third person when concerned for a friend, but let me tell you this... majurey certainly does not fall into this category. Oh no, he's 100% genuine on this.

Let us dwell no more on this topic, as Auntie Jimbo has provided her (?) usual high quality response.

But I do have another issue. Another friend of mine has managed to ding his spike point on the edge of the bathroom basin. I dunno how... I guess he was getting too close to it when shaving commando. He tells me it still works, but is concerned he can no longer use it on his wife (for her legs of course), and is worried what she will say next Sunday morning -- they shave her legs every Sunday morning like <ockwork, sorry, clockwork.

What should he do? I've told him to come clean, but with a ding in the end of his spike point, I'm not sure he can anymore. :shrug:

Sincerely
Mark