Once upon a time there was a little girl called Goldilocks who lived at the edge of a great zoo. She was called Goldilocks because she had very beautiful curly blond hair which gleamed like gold in the sunlight.
But although Goldilocks looked so pretty she could sometimes be very
stupid. Every day as Goldilocks went out to play her mother would remind her: 'Now Goldilocks, you may go and play in the meadow but
don't go into the zoo or you will get your ass bitten by one of those big mean polar bears.'
One morning Goldilocks began to get tired of playing in the meadow.
'I know,' said Goldilocks to herself, 'I'll go exploring in the zoo.' She looked back at the house to make sure that her mother wasn't watching then ran off accross the meadow and into the zoo.
Goldilocks wandered deeper and deeper into the zoo until she became completely lost. She felt very frightened and was about to cry when she saw a strange little enclosure amongst the pathways. Goldilocks tapped on the door but there was no answer. Then she peeped in through an open window. There was no one at home so Goldilocks
climbed down a fence, over a wide hedge full of thorns and got past a concrete wall before swan diving into the murky moat where the polar bears swim*.
What Goldilocks didn't realise was that
it was feeding time ** for the three bears. When they attacked her, rescuers threw down some life belts on ropes to pull her out.
Goldilocks started to realise how painful it was being attacked by a polar bear, so she tried to get out. First she tried the smallest lifebelt, but it was too small for her portly frame and it split in half. Then she tried the largest lifebelt, but it was too loose and she slipped out when she foolishly reached out for a pole being used to ward off the bears. Then she tried the middle lifebelt and it held her just right and they lifted her right out.
Police issued Goldilocks with a citation for trespassing, and keepers have no plans to change the zoo's setup. The concrete wall protecting the polar bears' enclosure will not be built up higher than its current three feet (90 centimeters), nor will more guards be posted.
And the three bears lived happily ever after.
*
Berlin Zoo: No changes to polar bear enclosure even after woman jumped in -- chicagotribune.com
**
Polar bear attacks woman at Berlin Zoo - CNN.com