A Request From a Single Mom

Dear Guys,
We are putting together a few "different" things for Harley's 18th birthday, which comes on October 12. Would you be willing to email back a short (maybe one or two sentences) comment on what it is to be a man, or what a man's greatest responsibility is, etc? Your name will not be used in the presentation, I just want a section from Actual Living Men, some of whom know Harley and some not, to include with the "famous" ones. We want to finish this part in a week's time.
Thank you, and accept all blessings for you and your family. God is good,.
Sincerely,
Harley's Mom

I received this in an email a couple days ago from a friend in Pennsylvania. She works very hard to be a good parent to her son Harley. I think she has done very well but she apparently feels she needs some help at this particular juncture. I am flattered she decided to ask me. She told me that Harley enjoyed spending time with me and keeps tabs on me via my website. The last time I saw the kid in question was (I think) seven years ago. I know it was before Basil and Mr.Toes were born. The boy and his mother came up to Connecticut and stayed with us at the farm (where we lived until six months ago). I took the kid out early to feed the ducks and chickens. I was impressed by the kid's cheerful and open attitude. He listened to me and asked appropriate questions. He seemed enthused about learning and he had a strong appreciation for the value of life and the cleanliness of the Earth. I am happy that I got to meet him. Now I am pleased to learn I was a part of his growing up. To me that's like being a stone in a sturdy bridge.

I know we've had similar discussions but I thought you folks might enjoy the assignment as Mom wrote it. What would you like to say to Harley? Here is what I am sharing with him:

When you are a child, people expect you to do as they say. When you are a man, people expect you to do as you say. Regardless of anything else, you are and will always be as good as your word.

Brad

What a great thing to write, Brad. Words to live by. It must also really touch your heart to know that you had a positive effect on him.

Thanks for sharing that.

Chris L

Great idea!
My father told me that being a man meant, "Having the integrity to stand by your convictions, be truthful in your dealings with others and being able to admit and accept when you are wrong."

When you are with a group of strangers, treat them like they were family.

When you are with family, give them the same courtesy.

"Try to get your kicks before the whole ****-house goes up in flames."

As a man you are the captain of your own ship. You are responsible for all that goes on in your ship. Pick you crew carefully because when judgment day comes you will be judged by the company you have kept.


Take Care,
Richard

I don't know if this necessarily applies just to being a man but,

Always remember that there is a tomorrow, so don't waste time getting stuck in today.


I know that around here, boys growing into men forget who or what they are and what they can become, don't realize their potential. They get fixed on little things that can ruin a day but not a life, and pick at them until they grow into something they feel they can't handle.

I don't think we are handed any trials that are physically impossible for us to overcome. As men we need to learn to overcome these trials, even if it takes days, or even years. We need to be humble enough to ask for help when needed, and we need to remember that not everything will always be alright.

"Remember that every thing you make and every job you do has your name attached to it.Anyone who comes along after and says"who did that?"YOUR name is the one they'll say"

Be as comfortable with yourself when you are alone as you are when you are with others.

Words I forgot for a while, but have shaped me all the same.

The Man In The Glass

When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to a mirror and look at yourself,
And see what THAT man has to say.

For it isn't your father or mother or wife
Who judgment upon you must pass;
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass.

Some people may think you a straight-shootin' chum
And call you a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.

He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest
For he's with you clear up to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you've cheated the man in the glass.

Author Unknown

Thinking on this overnight I recall something an old friend used to say often at AA meetings 25 years ago. "Do the right thing, and the right thing happens." Regrettably I haven't always followed that advice since I first heard it but in 60 years of living I can say that it is true.

My pops dumped me when I was a kid. My uncle and my grandpa were all I had. They have since passed on.

What they taught me was the intangibles, but here goes.

Respect
Honor
Commitment
Never give up until you have no other option and even then look for another option.
Men are men not boys. Act like a man and you will be treated like one.
Women are not punching bags.
A beer is good to cool down on a hot day or while you are waiting for the lawn mower to cool.
If you become a father, be a DAD. Anyone can father a child, it takes a man to be a Dad.
Lead when you can and have the wisdom to know when you can't.
Children are your mirror and as long as you can look at yourself in one and not be disgusted, your kids should be fine.
Always do 8 wraps on your lure when you are fishing and trim the line close.
Work for what you want and you will not want.

Manhood isn't conferred upon you at some arbitrary age. It isn't awarded to you for being a "Good Boy." And you cannot buy, or earn it. Manhood is achieved. You become a man by doing the things a man does. By acting the way a man acts. By accepting responsibility for your actions, owning up to the things you have done.
A REAL man does the right thing. Not because it's fun, or popular, but because it's right. I have found that if there is a question in my mind about what the right thing is, in a given situation...the right thing is usually the thing I'd rather not do. It is sometimes distasteful and often it is hard. But if you do the right thing, everytime, you can look in the mirror and not be ashamed of the man you see.
Conduct yourself with honor. Strive to be an honorable man. That quality is rare enough these days, that a lifestyle of being honorable will set you apart from the masses.
If you will do these things, you will come out right, in the end.

I wish I had something like that when I was a kid. Dad and mom split and never interacted with eachother when I was about 1 or 2. Mom rasied us solo and I didn't get the "guy" side of anything till my early 20's, as in I moved out... Didn't get a handle on stuff till my late 20's, where did I get it? The Army of all places. Well I can't complain much but I sure wish I had something of a male education alot younger in life, maybe I would feel better about somethings in life. Oh well...

Your word is the most important thing you have, and it's value is dependent on you. (there've been times I've been pressured into giving my word, but once it's given I consider it law, few people question me when I say anything now.)

Never let a woman be assaulted without at least attempting to distract the assaulter so that she can get away. (this includes verbal assault.)

I think its just about all been said, and said quite well. Heres my nickels worth, stick to the Golden rule, "Treat others as you wish to be treated." Deal honestly, be courteous, always tell the truth, try to find something in everyone that can be appreciated(probably the hardest). Always do right no matter the difficulty. Love and honor your mom, and when you have your own family do not let anything keep them from being first in your life.
God bless you and have a very happy birthday!

"If you ever go back into the past, don't touch or do anything, because even the smallest change can have a catastrophic effect on the perpetual continuum."

"Never trust anybody with a first name for a last name"

"A broken clock, although broken, is still right at least twice a day."

"What a caterpillar calls death, i call a butterfly."

is any of this stuff usefull???

The right way isn't always the easy way, but it's the right way.

Happy birthday:)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ReardenSteel

Great idea!
My father told me that being a man meant, "Having the integrity to stand by your convictions, be truthful in your dealings with others and being able to admit and accept when you are wrong."

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Words to live by there...Thank you for sharing that....

As far as sayings go, I do not have any one statement that has guided me particularly. But here are two that have made a difference in my life.
"Because your own strength is unequal to the task, do not assume that it is beyond the powers of man; but if anything is within the powers and province of man, believe that it is within your own compass also."

Marcus Aurelius Antoninus Augustus
Roman Emperor 161-180 A.D.

"1 Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong; 2 for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away.3 Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. 4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."
Psalm 37
by David King of Israel and Judah roughly 550-600 B.C.

I am much too young at 26 to say much, but I have lived in 4 states and a foreign country and there were two books that helped when I graduated high school. One is called "The Mark of a Man" by Elizabeth Elliot and "Life on the Edge" by James Dobson. They were both good guides and I recommend them.
Best Wishes!

Be courteous in all your dealings with all people.

Take the time to listen to others. You can learn much, even from one whom you consider a fool.

Be honest with yourself & others. It is your reflection as you shave that will be the harshest judge.

Smile.

(Number three still proves occasionally difficult :D)

Nice to see Marcus Aurelius getting an airing

Here's one of the saying that my dad taught me that has always stuck with me:

"People will either like you or dislike you for the right or wrong reaon. The only people that you need to concern yourself with is the group that doesn't like you for the right reason, and you need to make it right."

Our Fraternity's motto- Causa Latet vis est Notissima- The cause is hidden, the results well known.

As one of nine fraternities chartered before the civil war and still around today, most of our founding principles deal with being a gentleman and scholar- and we have a code called "to better the man". Some of this is published in a book by the same name, much of it is passed down through oral history and ritual. Amongst other teachings, I think the biggest lesson I have learned is in our motto- Always do the right thing- not for a reward, not for fame, not for a favour, but because down inside you know it is right, and great actions speak for themselves.

I make motion that this thread be a stickie!!

Second?

I will second that emotion.

Motion to vote.

I'd say:

Being a man means following your own path lead by your heart and filled with integrity.

1. You can't make chicken salad out of chicken sh!t. ~Joe Kuhel
2. Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. ~Gautama Buddha

These pretty much embody my attitude/outlook as a man and a human being.

And here are some others that have meaning but exhibit a little bit of my cynical/skeptical mindset:

3. If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
4. Life's like a sh!t sandwich, the more bread you've got, the less sh!t you gotta eat.