In the beginning was the gentleman
Hope you enjoy this--my "humble" opinion about the recent past history of men's shaving.
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IN THE BEGINNING WAS THE GENTLEMAN
(OR, THE FALL FROM MAN)
In the beginning was the gentleman.
And the gentleman looked up into the mirror
and saw that he was hairy and beardy.
And the Shaving God looked down from heaven
and saw the gentleman and said:
"Let's make a tool for the gentleman
so that he may look like Us
like to Our image and likeness."
And the Shaving God created a tool
and brought it to the gentleman
so that he may use it and see what its name would be.
And the gentleman took up the tool in his hands
and approached it to his face and shaved himself.
And after the shave he looked up into the mirror
and saw that it was good, exceedingly good.
And the gentleman looked at the tool and said:
"Certainly this tool befits me
because it was made to allow myself to become
what I was created for."
And he called the tool The Straight Razor.
And the Shaving God looked down again from heaven
and saw the gentleman, and that he had had a shave
and saw that it was good, exceedingly good.
And the Shaving God rested from His work
which He had taken to create the tool.
But the serpent was astute,
more than all the rest of the detractors of men.
And he approached the gentleman and saw the tool and said:
"So the Shaving God gave you this tool
so that you may look like a gentleman."
"But He deprived you of the most good
which would allow you to project yourself
beyond the boundaries of genteelness
and become like the Shaving God Himself."
And the serpent branded a new tool in front of the gentleman
gold plated and with a broad head and a long bar and said:
"Certainly the Shaving God knows that the day you reject His tool
and take this new one you will become like Him
knowing what a perfect shave is and what an inferior shave is."
And the gentleman took the new tool and approached it to his face
and shaved with it and saw that it was easier to use
and that the shave was very good
and called the new tool The Safety Razor.
And the Shaving God descended from heaven
because He saw that the gentleman had rejected the tool He had created
and said to him:
"Who gave you this tool
so that you took it
and used it to shave yourself
and get an inferior shave?"
And the gentleman replied:
"The serpent that you let loose around here
gave me this tool and I shaved with it."
And the Shaving God said to the gentleman:
"Because you took the tool that the serpent gave you
and rejected the tool that We gave you
from now on you will be demoted to the condition of a common man."
"With the sweat of your forehead
and an inferior shave on your face
you will toil every day
so that you may buy new blades
so that you may try to achieve genteelness,
but genteelness will flee from you."
And so the gentleman became a common man
and his genteelness fled from him.
But the serpent was not happy yet
with that she had done
dragging down the gentleman into the condition of a common man,
wanting to strip the man of the rest of his pride
and remaining vestige of worthiness.
And the serpent approached the common man and said to him:
"Certainly you have started in the path to true godness,
but the Shaving God wants you to refrain yourself from becoming like Him
and He has slashed you with His lying tongue
so that you do not become like Him."
And the serpent branded a new tool before the man
this time made of plastic and with many blades in it,
so many that the tool looked ridiculously funny.
And the colors of the tool were many
and the shape of the head and the handle
was like the toys made for children and mumbling fools.
And she handed down the new tool to the man
and the man took it for himself
and approached it to his face and shaved himself with it
and saw that the shave was good.
And called the new tool The Disposable Razor.
And the man forgot about the previous tools
and became fascinated with the colors
with the shape and many blades that the new tool had.
And he multiplied his toils
because now he had to buy a new toy every week
instead of a blade that was as a penny.
And the Shaving God looked down from heaven to see the man
and saw that the man was not more
and that in its stead there was a babbling child and a simpleton
every week repeating the same task
buying and discarding the new toy.
And He refrained Himself from coming down from heaven
because He saw that the simpleton had no mind left for a change
and He said:
"Let the child remain a child
and let the simpleton play around with his toys
which he has chosen
because there is no hope anymore
because he has rejected the tool We created for him
and turned to the tools created to make him a simple man."
And the serpent saw what she accomplished
and laughed at the simpleton
and saw that her work had been completed,
so she rested from her work that she had done
dragging down the gentleman into the condition of a simple man.
And the simple man looked up into the mirror
and saw that he was hairy and beardy.
And he looked at the tool that was in his hand
that it was dull and rusty,
and that it was dark outside and that the store was closed.
So he discarded the tool
and abandoned shaving altogether.
And lo! The simple man became like a monkey
full of hair and uncomeliness.
And his mind was gone,
and he never could compose himself up
to remember the old times
so that he may return to his past glory.
And in his hair he died,
hairy and beardy.
And lo! The simple man was gone
and he was no more
and only his hair remained,
but it was dispersed into the wind,
so he finally got rid of it.
But it was too late
because the simple man was gone forever …
And for good!
G.M.Z.
