Thebigspendurs Weekly Shaving Brainbuster #15
Good morning shaving fiends.
Well, I was just in the barn telling the General that was very nasty of him to trample those people and gore those racehorses last week. By now they probably have a wanted poster for him at the local burger joint. He said it wasn’t his fault those little kids got him all riled up. Besides, he said most got out of his way except that group from the old folks home. They’re going to die soon anyway he said. I told him that's downright mean to say somethink like that.
I was about to sit down and listen to my favorite radio program when I heard clicking so I knew it was the telegraph. It was Uncle Jethro and he was really excited. They had just installed electric lines to the house and they were planning a big celebration. He wanted me to come over and he said to bring Navajo Joe with me.
Joe couldn’t come because he was sorting and grading a few hundred African Elephant Tusks he had just received. He had to finish because he had already sold them all to a bunch of custom razor makers. Of course he assured them they were all preban. So I headed over myself. The celebration had already started by the time I got there. Jethro had plenty of moonshine and Festus was already drunk chasing that damn goat around.
Auntie made a rite fine spread I must say. A feast fit for a king. Elk Stew from that cow and calves that ventured on the property that Cletus beat to death with his Louisville Slugger and with plenty of locally grown side dishes and her famous pies.
After dinner they made this big bonfire and I told them not to make it too big considering they were already drunk. Jethro starts pouring all the coal oil they had left all over the fire but Jethro said not to worry he could control it. Well off to the side I see a commotion, it was that badgers family and friends. They came back in force. They started attacking everybody. That goat panicked and started running all over the place getting Auntie’s clothes from the clothes line all over her and then running through the bonfire and into the house. So now the house is ablaze and then the goat ran into the National Forest starting a Forest Fire. Jethro took off after the goat and the rest ran down the draw and into the creek. The badgers scattered.
I got the hell out of there. The last time I looked the fire was advancing towards town and they were evacuating the place. The rangers were looking for Jethro and company which wasn’t hard since they were passed out by the creek with Jethro rambling about the time he was working in Africa as a gun bearer for rich folks and how he cut down 20 rare exotic bloodwood trees just to find the perfect piece for some shaving apparatus project he wanted to make. So besides the local charges from the State Fair now they are all in Federal Custody for burning down the National Forest and probably the local town. Additionally the Game Warden asked Jethro for his hunting permit and he didn’t have one and it’s illegal to have killed that Elk Cow and Calves anyway. Additionally they found this bear cub badly burned wandering around in a daze and its probably the cub from that bear who already has it in for Jethro. Come to think of it what happened to those badgers? If they survived, well…
So you say what does this have to do with the shaving brainbuster of the week. Well I’m glad you asked.
First what happened to Jethro’s straight razors? Do you think the fire in the house was hot enough to destroy the temper on them or maybe melt them? Second, what about the glycerin based shaving cream? Could it have melted from the heat? Also what about jethro’s new Shapton Glass Stone Collection he stole from the UPS Driver. Will the fire harm those hones? (I hope they weren’t enroute to you) Also the metal Cletus had, to make those Damascus razors , do you think the heat will be an improvement or just really mess it up? Also, what about those Ivory Scales and Stainless ones too? Also I had given that Tungsten straight Navajo Joe and I made to jethro to repay him for that ruckus a few weeks ago with old Diablo. Would the heat affect that blade? Also what temperature do you need to temper a razor? Lastly if you’re caught in the forest in a forest fire what’s the best thing you can do?
Check back on Wednesday for the Hellish answers to these questions and if you happen to be in town (or what’s left of it) Sue’s House of the dead will be having a fire sale.
Also, don’t forget to read the special announcement concerning the shaving brainbuster. (You’ll be glad you did).
