Thebigspendurs Weekly Shaving Brainbuster #21
Good morning shaving fiends
The missus and I had just come in the house after grooming the General and I was listening to my favorite radio program, The Lone Ranger when I hear this clunking and smell this horrible car exhaust and I knew it was trouble coming down the road. It was Jethro in his Apache with Billy Bob who was dressed in Buckskins. The tribe let him out for a few hours and Cletus came too. He said Auntie was beginning to plan her big Thansgiving bash and sent him out to go hunting and bring back the vittles for the feast.
So we got our guns and headed out in the Apache down an old trail and then walked a few miles more down a creek and I look at Billy Bob and something just didn’t seem right with that boy. He was going around smelling the air like an animal and he’s holding that rifle unlike any country boy I’ve ever seen. It didn’t take Cletus long to figure out it never was Billy Bob to begin with. It was one of those cloned super soldiers. They probably let him go figuring he’d kill us all and that would be the test or something. I attracted his attention and Cletus hit him over the head with a log and jethro hog tied him real good. Then we dragged him behind the truck a few miles and Jethro says, I’ve got an idea. He went back to that Badger City and ran the truck over their burrows a few times to enrage them and make the burrows larger and pushed the clone down the enlarged hole. Jethro said this should be fun. Well after smelling him a while those Badgers just started licking his face and it was like they were talking to him. They chewed through the ropes freeing him and now this clone is chasing us down this road around 40MPH with this big Badger sitting on his head jumping up and down like he’s giving him orders or something. Cletus starts shooting at him but the bullets didn’t stop him. I made a Molotov ****tail with some gas we had in the truck and got him good but he still kept running all ablaze. Finally I got my 12 gauge and hit him in the head a few times with some slugs and blowed his head clean off. Boy what a sight har har. That took care of that. Come to think of it I didn’t see that badger. What happened to him?
That pretty much took all the hunting out of us. So we went back to Jethro’s place. Auntie was plenty mad we hadn’t brought any game back. Come to think of it what am I going to tell Navajo Joe? We just killed their God? This could start an Indian uprising.
Festus and Baaaby went into town to get some Renaissance Wax for Jethro to use on his special shaving brush to give it the ultimate finish just that he decided to park off the road and he and Baaaby, well, err.. you know what I mean. Just afterwards he and Baaaby were smoking a cigar and the truck still reeked of gasoline so when he lit it the whole thing blew up. Luckily he and Baaby were blown out of the truck suffering only minor injuries. The Sheriff brought them home. I told jethro he could use the UPS Truck to get around-Har Har. Boy, was Jethro mad a Festus. Festus blamed it all on the goat.
Meanwhile, I was in the back with Cletus. He was working with that metal to make some wootz straight razors. He hasn’t decided on the scales yet but the blade really came out fine I must say. It’s a 7/8s spike. Maybe it’s a little radioactive but that ain’t nothing.
So the shaving brainbuster for this week will require you to answer some questions; 1-How many head shots with 12 gauge slugs would it take at 25 yards to blow someone’s head clean off. 2-What is a Wootz razor and how would you make one, 3-Are we in trouble with the Indians? 4-What is Renaissance wax and how do you use it, 5-Your pulling our legs right. Goats don’t smoke cigars or do they?
Check back on Friday for the hair raising answers.
