Thebigspendurs Weekly Shaving Brainbuster #24
Good morning shaving fiends.
I was out in the barn checking out the General. He finally came home and brought several ladies with him. I had to change the brands on them and put new inventory tags on them so I guess it was worth the time I spent looking for him since I’ve added to my stock now. What did you say? Cattle Rustler? Why you come over here and say that.
When I got back in the house the missus told me the telegraph was going off and it was Jethro telling me to come over. I had to stop in town to finish the paperwork for the Studebaker with Honest Hakim. The crook jacked the price up on me. I told him I was going to tell the authorities that he was the real head of Saddam’s Secret Police in Iraq and he would be deported and executed. I also told him his cousin Maddas who lives in Texas was smuggled into the U.S from Iraq by Mr Vice President and the authorities would probably give me a reward for him. He gave me the car for nothing and 1000 gal of gas for free and lifetime free repairs. But not to get too far ahead of myself here that evening we had the big town pre Christmas party and old Hakim does this blasphemous thing each year where he stages a big wrestling match between Jesus and Mohammad and then always cheats and claims his G-d is the bigger, tougher one. Well this year the preacher took the part of Jesus and told me “I’m going to fix Mohammed this year”. (Mohammed was Hakims brother Saladin). So as the match started the preacher kind of got behind Mohammed and pulled out this Black Mamba he had hidden and jammed it down Mohammed’s shorts. Well this snake starts biting old Mohammed and the preacher says to him, “now boy, you a getting bit by the deadliest snake in the world. You have two choices. You can lay down and die or you can swear allegiance to the only one true G-d and if you be a truly righteous man of convictions you might live”. Well that Mohammad got down on his knees and prayed harder than any man in the world. You know what happened? Why he just turned into a pile of goo on the blacktop. The townsfolk cheered but Deputy Buttkiss arrested the Preacher for murder. I couldn’t stick around for the riot I had to leave.
When I got to the clan’s house Jethro was all upset. He said some fellas had been snooping around the property. It was some government man with some Chinese Nationals who said they were condemning the property and this Chinese company had been given mineral rights to drill for oil on the property. I said to jethro, hasn’t you family been living on the property since the mid 1800s? He said yea and showed me the deed issued by the Confederate States of America. I told him I didn’t think that was any good. He said the government man said he had to pack and leave by next summer.
On the way back to go to the airport Festus followed them with Cletus and they were dressed up like Indians and Cletus still had plenty of Indian armament so he shot their car full of arrows and clubbed the two of them knocking them out and brought them back to the ranch and hog tied them and left them in the barn with Baaaby and photographed the two of them as Baaaby repeatedly had her way err… um…you know what happened.
After that we drove them over to the reservation and Joe promised to put them on ice for us long as we needed them to. Once we reviewed the movies we took it was clear the Chinese National had bribed the government man and they kept blaming each other for their predicament. We told them we would send the movies to their governments and the press and put it on the web.
Joe asked me if we ever figured out a way to get that skunk spray out of that special shaving brush. I told him no, I didn’t think anything could ever do that. He said sure I have just the thing. All you need to do is bury it in cow manure for a few days and that takes care of the smell. I said but what about the cow manure? He said, is that a problem?
So the shaving brainbuster for this week will test your creative talents. You see Navajo Joe also happens to be the medicine man for his village and he has created a new shaving soap which he wants to market but doesn’t know how. The new soap contains extracts from cactus and some mescal and badger slobber and bear spore and Elk Pheromones along with some peyote and some secret herbal ingredients. He is calling it Great Spirit Soap.
So he needs either a jingle or a catchy phrase to market the stuff. That’s where you come in. So let’s be creative and come up with something Joe can use. If you are the winner Jethro has authorized me to provide you with a clue to the holiday shaving brush giveaway. Yep, the clue will be plenty big Indian medicine for you.
Also this week’s clue in the story will be the last since the giveaway will be held next Saturday, Oh Boy! The next installment of the shaving brainbuster will aire on Sunday since the competition is on Saturday.
So check back on Friday to see who has won the free clue. And who wants a free sample of “the great spirit shaving soap”?
