Thebigspendurs Weekly Shaving Brainbuster #28
Good morning shaving fiends.
You know there’s nothing like the call of the open road to help build an appetite and before we left civilization Jethro had caught a bunch of Pea****s and had roasted them for a great meal. I hope the local zoo doesn’t realize their missing some animals for a few days.
So back on the road and into the Northwest Territories.
I don’t know how these Canada dudes live up here. Why there’s nothing here and it’s as cold as the time I was over to the clan’s house in winter for my birthday and they buried me in a grave for 24 hours with just a hose to breath. And what about these gay guys with the red uniforms? What are they up to? I wouldn’t be running around in my union suit like that.
So we come up to the end of the road and it seems in the winter they turn these lakes into roads and they drive these 18 wheelers on them to supply the economy up here and I guess it’s important stuff. The signs say speed limit 25MPH and no stopping. So Jethro is doing about 60 and skidding and sliding all over the ice kind of gouging it out. Well then he got an idea and Auntie wanted some fish for dinner so he parks on the road with the engine running and got out his power auger and tried cutting a hole in the middle of the road but it was too thick with ice so he got out a crate of dynamite and lit the fuse but the heat from the engine started to melt the ice and the rear wheels started to sink into the water and they’re all out there trying to push the truck out of the water which is melting more and more. They finally had to pile into the Studebaker because the truck was like gone.
We got about a mile off onto a rise which was an island I guess and the dynamite went off and blew a hole the size of a city block into the ice. All of a sudden this caravan of about 50 trucks comes barreling along and it was the darndest thing I ever did see each one went right into that hole and just disappeared. Then the ice started to crack all over the lake. We were lucky to make it to the other side before all the ice went. I wonder if there are any other trucks out there. Well, I guess not any more eh?
So we roll up to my relations house in Yellowknife but there was no one home. So we just unpacked everything and Jethro broke the window and went in and let us all in and we just sort of made the place like home.
Festus went out back and saw this huge barn stocked with all kinds of animals and there was a herd of Goats so we didn’t see him for days. We had a great Christmas there. The house was well stocked and there were plenty of animals to butcher for food.
We were about to start New Year’s festivities when I happened to walk back to that big barn and I noticed there was this bunch of monkeys in there too, no not the clan they was real monkeys.
By the time I got back to the house there was this commotion and all these black SUVs and helicopters appeared out of nowhere and that Mr Vice President was there. He was real mad he didn’t win that shaving brush. He told those guys in the red underwear suits we was a bunch of terrorists and entered the country illegally with all kinds of contraband and then they started figuring out the trail of misfortune that just seemed to follow us.
Just then Baaby jumped into one of those black helicopters with this fancy machine gun on it and in her excitement I guess she hit the wrong controls and it starts firing all over the place and then Festus jumps in and the copter took off. Well these guys started following him but they didn’t realize the issue with the lake and they all disappeared into that melted lake.
But we had Mr Vice President and we made him talk. You know what he said? You won’t believe it. He said…..
Stay tuned next week but you better bring some bananas.
The shaving brainbuster for this week wants to know if monkeys have to shave after all they do have a beard right? If they do what would they use? Would you trust them with a straight or Safety razor? What shave soap would they prefer and what aftershave would they like.
Hey, you all watch your mouth this is important stuff after all people always say I’m a monkey’s uncle and Jethro is a Gorilla and Festus is the missing link and a misanthrope.
