Thebigspendurs Weekly Shaving Brainbuster #35
Good evening shaving fiends
Well just as Festus and I pulled up at the badger city we noticed there was all kinds of commotion going on there. Mr Sasquatch had torn up some trees and put them over the area like some kind of fort or something. We couldn’t get near the place as a badger came up and bit Festus on the butt. Just then Mr Sasquatch came along and I asked him where were those pelts he was supposed to get. He said he was about to get them but then this big old badger came up to him and started talking to him using ESP or something. He complained how these humans have been treating the badgers so wrong over the years just so a bunch of crazy humans can use their hair to apply lather to their faces. He said his ancesters set Mr Gillette straight many years ago and gave him the idea to invent the Safety Razor and later the canned shaving foam. Now those Chinese people are murdering their relatives in China and torturing them to death. He warned him never to trust humans. He said the only good human is a dead one.
Mr Sasquatch said these Badgers are really very intelligent animals and he would never hurt one and as a matter of fact he’s made himself the protector or all badgers and any human who harms one or contributes to harming one will have to deal with him and his relatives all over the world.
I said, so how are we going to apply lather at the shop? He said use boar bristles. Those are terrible critters and they deserve their fate. Besides, he said the health codes won’t let you use a brush like that. You should buy a lather king machine. I said a later…,lathor,…what you say? How do you know about that? He said I know everything.
Well on the way back to the shop we stopped by Doc Paine and he fixed Festus’s butt with a couple stitches. Festus asked if the Doc could give him a chocolate donut for being so good. The doc slapped him upside his head.
So on the way back to the shop we spied the General prancing around the pasture doing his thing. I went up to him and told him you had better get back to the ranch pronto, you’re in big trouble. He told me every animal in the county heard about the badger situation and I had it all wrong, it was me who was in big trouble. I said what you talking about you four legged, crooked horned, gigolo. He said you take that back. Well he chased me out of the pasture. I told him a funny looking guy in a clown suit named Ronald would be by for him later. He just gave me that look.
Well, we got into town and as I was about to get out of the car Deputy Buttkiss came up to me and he didn’t look happy. He said someone swore a complaint against me for cruelty to animals and I had to go to court to answer the complaint.
So we go into the courtroom and there’s old judge Stibnite Granite sitting on the bench (a chip off the old block) and as I entered the court room why you wouldn’t believe who was there, why there was…
So the shaving brainbuster concerns what those badgers said to Mr Sasquatch. Did Mr Gillette truly invent the safety razor or was it Mr Shick or maybe Mr Rolls or maybe some (yikes) woman? Also did Gillette invent the canned shaving cream? Lastly, what’s this later,… lator,…king thing he was talking about. Who makes that? Lastly if you really want to impress the guys with your knowledge, what is the classic Gillette jingle?
Oh and if you own a badger shaving brush you had better send them all to me otherwise I won’t be responsible for what fate befalls you if Mr Sasquatch finds out. He’s like Santa Claus he knows everything. Har Har
Tune in on Friday for the stubbly answers.
