Thebigspendurs Weekly Shaving Brainbuster #59
Good morning shaving fiends
Well we was finally on the last leg of our vacation but the road up ahead was blocked. Apparently someone’s house was washed down the river and hit the bridge and took it out. The State Patrol fished this guy out of the water and amongst all the wreckage they found a lot of money. We stopped and gave them the machinery we fished out of his basement and fingered him as that notorious counterfeiter. Yea the Secret Service came and handcuffed him and took him away. He was yelling something at us but I couldn’t hear him. I wonder if they’ll let him keep his razors and brushes in prison-har har.
While we was waiting for them to reopen the bridge the satellite phone went off and it was Festus. He said by now he had thousands of goats and sheep too. Baaaby was crying something fierce in the back. He said someone talked to him in his sleep and told them space aliens was coming to abduct someone. Mr Sasquatch had a big smile on his face. Swampy started yelling at him and berating him something terrible. He told her he had a real surprise for her. She said oh really? I love surprises. Festus said he was in a town and the folks was complaining about how the people who live there in this house was evil and causing problems and they wanted him to destroy them. The critters started digging behind the house and dug up the foundation and the house just fell over and crumbled. Now they’s all in awe of him . He said he’s created a new species of animals. He calls them goeeps. People see them and think he has real supernatural powers now.
We rolled into town and Vasoline flagged us down and said maybe me and missus should spend the night in the shop. He said there’s been some strange goings on at my place. I said I wasn’t worried. We dropped off the crew at the compound and got in the Studebaker and went home. As I was unpacking the car I could hear the missus screaming. Why someone had dug a 5 foot deep hole right in front of the house and filled it with manure and covered it over so you couldn’t tell and she walked right into it. I had to fish her out and clean her off. I went inside and the place was a wreck. Holes in the walls, everything all tored up. I went out back and saw the sergeant. He had barricaded hiself in the barn. He said some huge bull had come by and accused him of taking part in his brother’s demise and beat him up and broke his horns off and told him he was a whimp and a disgrace to all bulls. He said he would come back and kick his butt out of the county. I asked him where Mephistopheles was he said the bull beat him up too. He was cowering inside the house for days and finally ran off. I found him hiding in a cave. Yea, he was all tored up pretty bad.
The next morning I decided to put together a hunting party and take care of this tough guy bull once and for all. I should be able to get way more steaks out of him than I did out of the general. I told the sergeant to saddle up. He said I’m not going anywhere your crazy, you’re a dead man. He said I’m packing up and leaving. I’ve already got an offer from a ranch in Arizona. I walked down to the Badger city and told them if they helped me I’d help refurbish their city. They said no way. Brutus had already paid them a visit. They said they had a deal with him and he broke it and terrorized their city and they had no defense against him. He wasn’t even afraid of them, why one of them said they saw him beat the hell out of a grizzly bear. I went over to the compound and went looking for Mephistopheles and Jethro said he saw him packing his bags last night. I said where’s he going. He said he was leaving town until this thing blows over. He had an offer in Oklahoma.
So I told the clan we need to arm ourselves to take care of this dude. They said it wasn’t their problem he hadn’t done anything to them. As a matter of fact he had rustled up a bunch of cows and brought them over kind of as a peace offering and they accepted the deal.
I went into town and told the chimps they was coming with me. They said nope they had to clean up the shop they were starting tomorrow and had all kinds of work to do. I told Mr Sasquatch to grab his gear and go. He said he would love to but swampy had given him a list of chores to do and his head still hurts from the last thumping he got. As I left he said why…, you haven’t seen any strange lights in the sky have you? I said I sure did and they landed on my ranch and were looking for Swampy but I told them you changed your mind and they left. Well, if ever there was a broken man that was Sasquatch standing in the street crying like a baby.
I stopped at the livestock board and told Günter we needed to start a posse to hunt down this beast. He said you mean that giant well mannered bull I met the other day. Why he was on my ranch and helped round up all my cows. What would have taken me weeks to do he did in hours. He also said, you know, the cows really love him.
Well, that gave me an idea, so I went over to the stockyards and pulled the bulls together and told them this rat was spoiling things for them and was trying to eliminate them. They said yea we know. I said if I get you guys out of here you gonna help me get him? They said sure.
Well when I opened the gate to let them out they took off leaving a cloud of dust and me behind.
Well, now my back was up against the wall so I turned to the last source to help me out of my predicament. Why I called….
The shaving brainbuster for this week concerns the Seargent. I had promised that cow horn to Cletus for that razor he was making for me and when I found what was left of it, it was in pretty bad shape. How can I repair it. Can I glue it back together? Can I file parts of it down? What sandpaper or grit should I use?
Check back on Friday for the, oh who’s that at the door? Ahh…
