The Story of Dr Spendur.

Hello,Hello is this here contraption connected to that there innernet?

Yea you folks better take care. Theres this here fella, he goes by the name de plumb of Dr Spendur and you folks been taking his advice. You ought to know he be here in the State Hospital for the Criminally Insane. That’s why he disappears for awhile and then comes back. They try and not let him near the computer. He is crazy as a loon.

Course he wasn’t always like this. At one time he was a fella who commanded respect and had money and a family and I hear tell he lived in a big house with folks who wait all over you, what you call them serv-ants?

Yea it were like those there what you call fairy tales (no of course he ain’t a fairy and either am I) he had a big job working in upper management for the Gillette Company and he talked them into making the ultimate shave contraption, the ultimate luxury electric shaver but when it was test marked really spooky things happened to the test subjects. One guy electrocuted hisself and a few others cut their throats open and a few dropped it and it cut their uh hum…off. Yea some others was strangled by the cord and even more was found with the device embedded in their brains. Yea they invested millions and lost it all and fired him. Then he worked for the Schick Company and was instrumental in making sure they didn’t manufacture a multi blade cartridge years before Gillette came out with one. Yea, they lost billions and fired the poor fella in disgrace.

He was married to the Granddaughter of Mr Gillette and had 3 kids (yea the gal had this thing for goats).

One day after pounding the pavement looking for work and feeling rather poorly he comes home and finds his wife in the sack with none other than a straight shaver. Yea she admitted ever since their marriage she had a long list of relationships with custom straight razor makers. Yea she said she had this thing for straight shavers with their stiff strops and long blades and rock hard natural hones (the synthetics won’t do). She said yea those other wet shavers with their compact instruments and tiny blades just won’t do.

Yea he felt humiliated and all the shaving sites on that there innernet started making fun of him. Yea he started to walk funny and got this tick in his face. He traveled the world. He got jobs in factories producing DE blades but they would close down soon after he started to work there. For awhile he was in Japan mining natural Japanese stones. He uncovered the mother load of Honing Stones worth millions in a secret location under Hiroshima formed by the atomic blast and was getting ready to remove it when he got into a fight with a Sumo Wrestler in a bar in Yokohama and was thrown into next Sunday and suffered amnesia and couldn’t even remember his name.

He wound up back on the streets of New York a broken man but had this strange attraction to the name Gillette. He would break into stores stealing the cartridges and run around giving them away to folks. (That’s why they be behind locked cabinets now). Yea the Gillette Company bought him a ticket to New Mexico cause they know all the backwards people live there and they have no customers there. Them folks shave with homemade implements.

Yea he was picked up by some Indian who thought he looked like General Custer and for months lived on the Reservation until the sight of a tourist shaving with a straight was too much to bear. Yea he went berzerk alright and they had to call the police.

So now he lives here and now that you know the story you’d be rite smart to ignore whatever he writes.

Why rite now he’s getting his electro shock treatment so he’ll soon be looking for that computer to spread his virulent lies about straight shaving in an attempt to create more miserable folks just like him

But I know you be smart folks so you won’t fall for his false claims and fancy language.