This is a special occasion indeed.
The staff here at SRP have been listening closely to our members and have realized what the members need and want is a quality strop to eclipse all the others out there. Kanayamara? That’s yesterday’s news.
We are proud to announce “The Horses A** Strops”
I want to take this opportunity to explain a little about how we developed this special product. First we realized the best strops in the world come from Horse Hide especially the hide on the horse’s inner thigh which is where the Cordovan Strops come from. The problem is a typical horse in the old days simply didn’t have enough hide so as to be productive. The situation is even worse these days.
Through the use of advanced genetic engineering we have developed a new species of horse with an enormous a** and these creatures are being bred for this one purpose. We have also realized at the start the hide must be properly nurtured from birth to death so as soon as the animal can walk we have highly trained specialists who spend the day going around and kicking A**. This produces the kind of hide uniquely suited for strop production. Once you manipulate “The Horses A**” you will experience new heights of enlightenment. You will derive such pleasure you won’t be able to stop manipulating the Horses A** all day long.
These strops will soon be available to our members on a first come first served basis and considering what has gone into these products the asking price of $CENSORED is quite fair. Along with your strop (which will come in an attractive package made from recycled toilet paper-we care about the environment) you will receive special instructions on how to care for and manipulate your Horses A**.
Yes, once your treasured razors kiss “The Horses A**” they will never be the same again.
Eventually we will have a further line of products. Special strops to administer corporal punishment to those mischievous youngans and a harness you and your missus can use when you... CENSORED…
Also Horse meat shipped to your door and horse jerky too.
Did I mention the Horse Hair brushes? (with all the Anthrax spores removed of course)
That’s for next month.
To order one send payment in cash, small bills only to:
Thebigspendurs House
General delivery
Hicksville, New Mexico
No cash? Don’t despair just send a credit card number with your password and social security number and all your bank account numbers and passwords and we’ll take care of the rest.
