Great new samples incoming.
I was talking to a friend of mine who operates a popular shave supply store and he was telling me he had just put a few samples in the mail to me.
He said he was very excited for me to try a revolutionary new product, a shave cream formulated with real human blood. I said now wait a minute you’re pulling my leg because that is illegal and disgusting. He said now just wait because this has been thoroughly researched and the chemists he hired were able to freeze dry the blood, filter and disinfect it and remove the objectionable products and then put the good stuff into the shave product.
He said, not only does it have natural lube properties (because blood is real slippery) but the natural makeup enhances your skin and leaves it with a glow that women seem to go crazy over. You will instantly become the most interesting man in the world. You will be able to buy it soon and it will be marketed as O, A, B, AB + and – and it’s very important you select the matching product to your blood type or bad things could happen.
I said, so where do you get this blood from some skid row bums who you pay? He said no that stuff would kill you. He said his brother–in-law Mohammed Al Sheikh runs a division in ISIS and these guys who are gonna blow themselves up, well they don’t need all their blood so he takes a pint from each before the mission and tells them it will be donated to the cause and when they die they will get an extra 10 virgins in paradise. The Martyrs really appreciate that.
I asked him what the stuff is called. He said it’s called Sangre De La Jihad. So if you’re interested in acquiring some let me know. The price will be competitive with other first tier creams and I’m sure Obie will love the stuff. Just hurry before those pesky moderators see this and close it down.
Just as a postscript I got the samples and WOW do they perform. The stuff is so good even a dull razor gives you a great shave. You can throw all your hones away cause you won’t be needing them and not only that, when I walk down the street all the women are chasing after me.
If you pass up the offer this April you will certainly be a fool.
