StropTalk! Chapter 3

StropTalk! Chapter 3

My name is MapleLeafAlumnus, and I'm a stropping addict...a stropaholic...a stropping junkie! Do you find yourself daydreaming of stropping whilst propping your feet up on your desk at work? Have you ever "air stropped" with your seat belt when stopped at an interminably long traffic light? Does SWMBO complain that you rub your strop more than her? If this sounds like you, you're not alone! We stropaholics just can't get enough of stropping, hence the nature of our addiction.
For the 3rd chapter of StropTalk! I schlepped all the way to Indiana via cyberspace to interview a young man who recently graduated from college. He is one of the Founding Members of the International Brotherhood of Spalted Cap Snafflers, a serious student of psychology, and a participant of this past year's Movember -- a MO-BRO! Heeeeeeeeeeeeeere's JackofDiamonds!!!

MLA: JackOfDiamonds, thanks for taking the time to participate in this chapter of StropTalk! Being a Hoosier, have you ever skinned a basketball to harvest it as a strop?

JOD: Well, funny you mentioned that. I have come to conclude that the exterior is to bumpy. The inside provides a smooth stropping surface once properly trimmed and cut. When my designs are complete I shall call it "The Frankenstein".

MLA: You're a recent college graduate. Did you ever use a strop in any hazing rituals? If so, please elaborate!

JOD: Hazing rituals? No... I wasn't part of any houses. But! The strop when used like a bull whip keeps freshmen away from your parking spot!

MLA: How old were you when you first stropped? What was the result?

JOD: I was ... 22? I had developed proper hand-eye coordination to perform the desired movements. I credit this to years of wholesome foods, accuracy-based sports, and video games ... lots of video games.

MLA: How many strops do you own? Which is your favourite?

JOD: Just two at the moment. One black latigo and one burgundy English bridle. As for a favorite? Hmmm...I can't say at the moment (they are within listening range).

MLA: What is your "dream strop?" What qualities does it possess?

JOD: Dream strop? I suppose it would be nice to have a "living" strop, in the sense that it would heal over time. That would save me some coin.

MLA: As a psychology major, have you ever experienced an alternate state of consciousness whilst stropping? What happened?

JOD: Oh! This one time I was stropping and I was listening to the sound of the blade sliding against the leather. I was stropping rather slowly and it was very soothing. Before I knew what happened, three hours had passed and I was waving a razor through blank air and holding on to an empty D ring. Leather shavings were all over the ground...
Ha! I dreamed all that! But good story, right?

MLA: Have you ever/would you ever agree to strop whilst under hypnosis?

JOD: Sure, if I could get it to work. Never have been able to fall under hypnosis before. Shame really.

MLA: What are the proximate and ultimate causes of your stropping habits?

JOD: Nothing is on the television and I know I am bound to be shaving sooner or later. I would probably diagnose it as a fear of not being prepared, and that is a result of previously poor shaves due to unstropped razors.

MLA: Are you a morning stropper, or an evening stropper?

JOD: Um, is there an option for all day stropper?

MLA: If you don't strop on a particular day, do you feel guilty about it?

JOD: I have been working with my therapist on this, he says we are making progress.

MLA: Whilst stropping, have you ever had a feeling of euphoria?

JOD: Yes! Yes I do! But it is usually followed by intense anxiety, so the two equal out I suppose.

MLA: Has your stropping ever interfered with your studies or work?

JOD: No, I am what you would call a functioning stropoholic.

MLA: Have you ever asked for research participants to volunteer for stropping-based studies?

JOD: Yes, and I have a 100% flee rate when removing the tools from my bag, most folks see the razor and mutter something about Johnny Depp while heading for the door... Beats me.

MLA: Please tell us about your ideal stropping envirounment.

JOD: I can't even fathom such a place's existence.

MLA: Where do you keep your strop when not in use?

JOD: Why on my strop rack of course! It's about 6ft high and 2ft wide. Has a set of shelving at the top that is made of criss-cross piping about a 1/4 inch in diameter. Perfect for hanging them up on.

MLA: What is the best piece of stropping instruction you've received from another stropper?

JOD: Probably to take it slow when starting, I was trying to keep up with the pro's from the start. I had a few slip ups.

MLA: What is the best advice you have for a beginning stropper?

JOD: Learn on something cheap and beat up, as it will already be used to it and you won't feel bad for leaving a mark or two.

MLA: Have you ever treated your strop(s) with an aftermarket product?

JOD: I don't give my strops treats. Sounds silly if you ask me.

MLA: Are you a "hand-rubber?" Why/why not?

JOD: Aren't we all? I give 'em a rub down every once and a while. It allows me to familiarize myself with them, make sure I'm not cutting them up.

MLA: Has your SWMBO ever complained that you rub your strop more than her?

JOD: Well, if she would polish my razors maybe I would give the attention to her and not my strops!

MLA: Do you celebrate the anniversary you obtained your first strop?

JOD: Actually yes, I got it as a birthday gift so every year we celebrate!

MLA: How many strops have you maimed?

JOD: ... (sigh) one.

MLA: Have you stopped nicking your strop yet?

JOD: ...(sigh) no

MLA: Please tell us about your ideal stropping experience.

JOD: Ideal? Well I suppose it would be an old fashioned glass of Johnny Walker Blue, some delta blues on in the back ground, and a giant blade with a smile gliding down my English bridle strop. I think that would be ideal.

MLA: What is the relative availability of strops in your part of Indiana?

JOD: None to my knowledge, all of our leather goes to footballs, basketballs, and boots. I have ordered all of my strops out of state.

MLA: Does your alma mater offer either a major or minor programme of study in stropping?

JOD: If they did I probably wouldn't have found this site, or maybe I would have found it twice as fast. Who knows.

MLA: As a proud member of the International Brotherhood of Spalted Cap Snafflers, please tell us how your status therein enhances your daily stropping.

JOD: Depending on the number of Caps snaffled before stropping dictates whether or not my status helps or hinders my stropping action. But if no caps are snaffled before the wrist training does wonders!

MLA: Do you think Uri Geller could strop hands-free via telekinesis?

JOD: The magician? I'm no expert in telekinesis but I think Uri is in the same casket as Chris Angel. So, no. My answer is no.

MLA: Given unlimited resources, please detail your ideal stropping experiment. What would the independent and dependent variables be?

JOD: Ooooooh!! Hmmm, let's shoot for an experiment as to whether money invested truly leads to quality edges. A two way ANOVA will be needed to determine whether the price of razor, the price of strop, and the two combined produce high quality edges. I would want to test the top 10 of both straights and strops. After trying all razors on all strops and documenting the shaves, how the edges looked under magnification, and how my face felt after, I would hopefully have a winner. My control would have to be something basic, probably a standard entry level razor. I would have to have this decided by a committee of some sorts. Oh, and I would keep the materials after the experiment, of course.

MLA: Have you ever stropped in tandem with another stropper? Who would your ideal stropping partner be?

JOD: I have never had the pleasure of stropping with another. I dunno how that would work really. But if I could pick a partner and time isn't a factor I would pick my great-great uncle. He was a barber in his time and I have inherited his razor. It would have been awesome to learn from a relative.

MLA: Given the facts that you're still on the upswing of your stropping career, (i.e. have more years of stropping ahead of you than behind you), what do you predict as the next paradigm shift in stropping techniques and materials?

JOD: Well, personally I don't know about techniques. But as far as materials go, I give my razors a wipe from a high thread count silk or satin cloth because it puts a gleam on my blades. Maybe high thread count cloths will replace linen as a polishing backing on strops.

MLA: Do your strops talk to you? Do you answer them? Do you interrupt them when they speak?

JOD: Yes, yes, and only if they are being sassy!

MLA: If stropping were to be banned by some weird Indiana "blue law" this year, how would you circumvent said legislation?

JOD: Elementary my dear Watson, I would move.

MLA: What is your interpretation of the following statement: "I strop it to the East; I strop it to the West; I strop it with the horsehide that I love the best."

JOD: Hmm... Somebody has a favorite strop, maybe a paddle style? And they keep it on a east-west line. Probably stropping with a compass out. Oh, and they like to rhyme. Probably OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder).

MLA: Have you ever taken a strop to Band Camp?

JOD: Never attended one.

MLA: Have you ever misplaced a strop?

JOD: Yes and no. You see, I normally have my strops hung on the towel rack, and one day the SWMBO put a towel over my strop because I left it behind after shaving. When I went to look for it took me a half-hour of pure panic before I found it.

MLA: As a self-confessed "functioning stropaholic" and a psych major, do you think the diagnosis of stropaholicism should be included in the latest revision of the DSM-V?

JOD: Yes. The DSM-V is supposed to be re-categorizing the addiction area. Should prove interesting. I think that if it exists, there is an addict of it. And thus should be properly documented. Personally I would give a whole chapter to RAD. Perhaps I should make the first SR-DSM!

MLA: As an honored member of the IBSCS, have you ever tried to incorporate a strop into your snaffling (mis)adventures? If so, how?

JOD: I have made a nick or seven during such adventures. Learning to strop without physically touching the strop was a blast! Now I have a free hand all the time, so I just keep on snaffling. I mean, who is gonna stop a guy who is harnessed into his bathroom with a murderously sharp blade in one hand and cap snaffler in the other?

MLA: Given your understanding of the U.S. gov't.s current attitude toward the importation of fine leather goods, what do you predict will be the ultimate effect on domestic strop production and consumption?

JOD: Prices from known manufacturers will increase along with the number of homemade strops. This will likely lead to a few out-of-home strop shops which will only lower the prices of strops. And this cycle will likely continue until the cows come home, or die out...

MLA: SRP has members across the globe. Is there anything you'd like to say to our brother stroppers abroad?

JOD: Soylent green is people!!! I dunno, send more animal hides I suppose. We are kinda restricted here.

MLA: Hypothetical question: you come home from a long day at work, desiring only an adult beverage and whatever else relaxes you. You enter your abode and find SWMBO in your shave cave "playing" with both of your strops in a manner which they are not intended. What is your response to this situation?

JOD: HULK SMASH!!!

MLA: Have any guests in your home ever expressed interest about your stropping proclivities?

JOD: Just one, and I helped him get a wet shaving kit. I think he has used it once.

MLA: What is your stropping regimen? By that I mean how many laps on linen, and how many on leather?

JOD: Awesome question, I love how we all vary on this. I do 30 laps on linen, 60-80 on leather. I do 50 on linen and 100 on leather if it was recently honed by me. I never strop after a professional honing.

MLA: How often do you clean your strops? What products and methods do you employ?

JOD: I bought some saddle soap a while back for them, but have never used it. I just rub them with my hands about once a week I guess. I work the leather and slide my palm into and up the strop. If I ever feel they are filthy I will just use the soap and give it a vigorous scrubbing!

MLA: Where would you place stropping in Maslow's hierarchy of needs?

JOD: Well this is a tough one. I have an urge to strop, hence the physical or bottom of the pyramid. But, I experience self-actualization or the top of the pyramid during stopping, so I guess stropping is just a key component to survival.

MLA: Regarding your stropping techniques, do you rely more on visual or tactile cues for feedback?

JOD: Tactile by far, my eyes cannot see the difference. And my wallet cannot buy eyes that can. Thus I just wait until it feels right.

MLA: How would you rank your placement re: stropping ability in a Vygotskian zone of proximal development schemata?

JOD: Well aren't we getting fancy? I suppose I am on the inside. I am capable of stropping unaided. But this is my perspective, if I had an instructor I would have to ask them.

MLA: Do you own a particular razor that seems to require more stropping attention than your other razors? If so, to what do you attribute this anomaly?

JOD: Not at the moment, all of my blades take to the strop equally. Now if you will excuse me I have some chickens to be dealin' with!

I'd like to thank JackofDiamonds for taking the time out of his very busy schedule to participate in this chapter of StropTalk! Tune in next week when we'll hear about the "Mile High" club for stroppers...either that, or a New Age Californian who can "hang 10" whilst stropping. Till then, DON'T STROP NAKED!!!