Keeping the Peace With No Workshop.

Well gents, I need some advice! My wife has an aversion to my restoration work. "That's not in the house [stuff]!" It would seem the most active restoration activities I am allowed to do in the house is: honing, finishing & sealing scales, light hand sanding of blades. Anything more is a no-go :chop:!

It's not like I'm kicking up huge clouds of sawdust, or making enough noise to wake the dead. We have no kids, and only a Sheltie (dog) for a pet. I do everything possible to minimize any mess made, though my tools sometimes "lay around" a bit toward the edge of the rooms.

What can I do? We live in a three bed, two bath, rental with no garage, and only a storage shed (no power) that is near capacity for outside spaces. One bedroom is her work office (computer means dust is no good). The other is her craft office. That room is... a rack of shelves on each wall, plus her desk, and many totes stacked on the floor.

Have any of you gentlemen figured out ingenious ways to do restorations with angering SWMBO (or having to factor in the weather & time of day)??

Get a portable cart, roll the shop outside..

Then give her a night of the week where there are no razors ,, only her.

I did get a portable tool chest/cart thing, but that is no solution. It just helped me better organize my tools. There are 5 or 6 steps to get in or out of our house. And there is no walkway to the shed in the yard, where that cart is currently. Does this qualify as "between a rock and a hard place"?

My cart stays in the house, I roll it out on the small porch & then run an extension cord back inside.

How about a small monthly payment, for a rental storage building. Then you can really leave her alone, and she won't know what you've accumulated. [emoji6]

+1 on what Mike said

Find a single, old, rich woman in the neighborhood with a garage, who likes young men. Slip over there a few days a week & do some yard work. ;)

She will let you turn her garage into a shop. :shrug:

I guess I'm going to take a different approach and, instead of trying to come up with a physical solution, ask what her aversion to the razor work is. Hirlau's comments on spending time with her is one reason why I tend to hand polish instead of investing in a buffer as I can use the former while camped out in front of the TV with my wife. A mess is another problem that is understandable but it seems that some accommodation could be made. You mention her having two offices, one for computer work and one for crafts. Any chance of sharing that second space under the condition that you keep your tools and projects organized and confined to a workbench of your own? If you manage to negotiate this compromise I suggest you make your very next purchase a shop vac to cleanup after working plus whatever you need to keep your tools and projects organized.

I'll admit, I'm not fighting this issue as I'm in a house that is rather over-sized for just two people (long story). I have the ability to take messier work outside or to a basement but my lovely wife is much more sensitive about me sneaking off to play with a hobby when she's home. That means most of the stuff I'm currently working on tends to sit on the lower level of the end table next to my chair, which I try to keep as neat and orderly as I can. At the moment my hones have taken up near permanent residence on my breakfast room table but my wife tends to be understanding and knows that if we have company coming over I'll pack them off to a hiding place. In fact, one of my next purchases is likely to be a toolbox from Harbor Freight to house my razors, hones and whatnot when I'm not working on a project.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that relationships are about compromise and balance. If you can rationally discuss the issues you can probably figure out a compromise that works. Oh, when it comes to small projects that tend to be messy I often retreat to the porch, a small Husky folding table and a folding chair. Those are options that I'm sure you can find room for!

Really? Office and craft room?

Methinks Phranky would be saying one not both - so your office just became your office / craft room, or if that doesn't work for you, pick which side of our craft room you want...

Maybe I'm in one of those moods...give and inch and you've already lost the mile...

Phrank and I are kinda on the same wavelength here but I'm trying to be a bit more diplomatic about it. One thing I've learned in ten years of marriage is that intentionally starting a fight pretty much never gets me what I want.

Personally, I would rent another house and live in it :)
However, I can be a d*ck
Probably a bad idea for other folk

I appreciate the more diplomatic approach. In line with your comment on "intentionally starting a fight", I have not busted out "you get TWO offices, one of which is hardly used, and I am the one who has to work out of that dark oven of a shed!?!?" Probably not a good idea :gth. My wife is also sensitive about me not spending time with her when we are both "free".

Her work office is also home to a futon for when her younger brother (mildly autistic) sleeps over a night or three every so often.

Something does need to be done about her craft office. She has admitted that I'd allowed a corner of it, if we were to ever get it sorted out enough to accommodate.

But the possible mess is also part of the issue. Heavy sanding, grinding, use of the table saw (well duh), and probably any use of a buffer would not mesh well with her crafts. Sawdust and metal shavings in a hand crafted clay Christmas tree ornament? Nope. She also is worried about breathing in any of said particulate.

We have been meaning to "buy" a home in our community, but haven't gotten around to looking into what's available. Well... I never remember, and she can't be bothered :soapbox:. I should shut up while I'm ahead.

Run power to the shed.

I don't think I would do heavy sanding or a buffer inside the house. Even in my shop with an vacuum air system I still wear a mask for heavy sanding in front of a snorkel line.

On the lighter side: took up straight shaving - had to buy a house!

So it sounds like you and I are experiencing some of the same barriers to work, although there are a few pretty obvious differences.

My advice is to really assess what you are wanting to get out of the hobby. If you want to simply enjoy the process of putting a razor back into service you can largely stick to hand tools that allow you to work in the house near your wife. I'd still recommend exploring the idea of taking over a section of the craft room not just because it might keep the peace when it comes to organization but because it would allow you and your wife to work together in your off hours. If there is anything I go out of my way to encourage in my own marriage is any hobbies that you can do together, or at least in close proximity.

If you are serious enough about restoring that you are trying to turn you hobby into a business of sorts then you should probably start looking at a longer term solution. Clearing out a section of the shed for saws, sanders and grinders is a temporary solution but a housing search is a better long term approach. In this case I would get a pretty clear idea of what you feel you need in the way of workshop space. If you go looking for a house and aren't clear that you feel you need this space to pursue your hobbies then you are probably going to wind up back in the same situation in your next residence. My own parents dealt with this throughout their marriage and my father didn't get a workshop capable of handling the work he wanted to do until the last two years of his life (my father had a pretty wide range of work that interested him).

I'm just embarking on my restoration journey but I have enough experience with different hobbies that I know the lay of the land already. I mostly keep to hand tools and simple approaches at home, keeping me out of trouble with my wife. I inherited my father's workshop but it is three hours away so I tend to save heavier, messier work for my visits to my mother. It is then where time management becomes difficult for me as I try to balance family time with time in the workshop completing the work that I want to get accomplished.

I'm not diplomatic, she would be losing one of the spare rooms. It's supposed to be a shared home with a married couple, and unless your a bum living there with out contributing. It never ceases to amaze me when men don't act like men. She has every right to her space , same as you do. The minute she don't want to meet you half way, then there is something wrong.
What would she think if you told her that you won't allow any crafts in the house?
Tc

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Originally Posted by tcrideshd

I'm not diplomatic, she would be losing one of the spare rooms. It's supposed to be a shared home with a married couple, and unless your a bum living there with out contributing. It never ceases to amaze me when men don't act like men. She has every right to her space , same as you do. The minute she don't want to meet you half way, then there is something wrong.
What would she think if you told her that you won't allow any crafts in the house?
Tc

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Position I take exactly.

When things like this arise - I step back, remove the "Me" from the equation, and simply ask what any reasonable person would do given this set of circumstances. What would the fair solution be and / or the reasonable compromise.

If any reasonable person would say, one room each or share the one room, and I think most reasonable people would, then that's the solution IMO.

And as you say Tc, they both contribute....

Well....Lets not be too hard on Ripper and crawler. Seems obvious they are young yet.
I went through the same thing myself.

To get respect and equality in the household, I had to stir the pot. My life, I like to work.
I did always have my own shop, so I just did my work there instead of sitting at her feet and watching her show on TV.

Down to doing what you want to do. Beats drugs and prostitutes, I told her!
She stays pissed at something all the time anyway. :rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by sharptonn

Well....Lets not be too hard on Ripper. Seems obvious he is young yet.
I went through the same thing myself.

To get respect and equality in the household, I had to stir the pot. My life, I like to work.
I did always have my own shop, so I just did my work there instead of sitting at her feet and watching her show on TV.

Down to doing what you want to do. Beats drugs and prostitutes, I told her!
She stays pissed at something all the time anyway. :rolleyes:

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...sometimes I wonder about that......:confused:

I truly admire how some people can determine the state of my marriage and the quality of my manliness through a simple post. Fact of the matter is that in my life I've been an autoworker and worked with 2000 pound steers and the last time I checked I didn't need anyone to validate my man card. I can also state that if I wanted to marry a weak-willed pushover I could have but I prefer to share my life with a woman who I consider my equal and who tends to treat me with the same care and respect with which I attempt to treat her. But hey, to each their own...

That said, I replied to Crawler's original post with the idea of helping him, not simply causing a fight with his wife. The fact is that Crawler gave a very simple outline of his problem and I'd much rather offer up a constructive suggestion that might actually help his situation. Yes he's free to gear up for a row but I figure that he was coming here for advice in order to avoid that as opposed to seeking validation to go pick a fight.

Well-said, but if work needs to be done, you have to do it. Not everyone has a hobby or likes to do creative things.
I certainly know more who have a pile of craft stuff, sewing stuff, woodworking things, etc who are wannabes.
They have it, yet never use it. I admire those who want to actually do things.
You can get resentful if you give up and never find a way. In my mind, the perfect spouse would be one who encourages and sacrifices some to help the other do what He/she likes. The old give and take....

Perfect spouses are rare it seems. People can change their perspective, however.

My point is/was sometimes the pot has to be stirred to make it happen.

Worked for me! My wife does not care what I work on....As long as I behave! :rolleyes:

I think that is part of the point I was trying to make, my wife encourages me to work in the shop and do things I want to do. Heck, she even goes so far as to join me on ones she might have a little interest in. While I might prefer to shoot skeet the fact that she's interested in shooting at all (this from a woman who has a good reason not to like guns) has me shooting trap league with her. The fact is that we both have a good time and its something we get to do together. This isn't to say that we do everything together but having some common interests makes it far easier when I want to do something she has no interest in.

In most cases I find its better to try the diplomatic approach first and move onto the more aggressive response if needed. Its far more difficult to do it the other way around. Trust me, I've learned this from experience...it's a good thing that I waited until my 30's to marry.

Living with anyone takes the ability to compromise. To do that both people have to be mature enough to recognize that and do it. There is a solution that both parties can live with if they can communicate.

Bob

That would be my point, compromise, but when the man is letting the wife tell him what he's going to do and takes all the room without letting him have the same Priviledge. That's not compromise it's bull. And yes I still say man up. I don't care if you work on cars or arrange flowers. Maybe I work in an extremely man job that makes me a little more straight forward. I,m not new at this marriage thing, 40 years with a very strong willed woman, made more money than me! And has the need to have things her way since she was always in charge, but when it comes to our lives together its share and respect. The minute she would tell me she gets what she wants and I don't, it would be over. So I dont pretend to tell you what to do. I dont even care if your being manipulated and shown disrespect. But marriage is a "sharing" of life, not selfishness or uncaring of your interests. Tc

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Originally Posted by BobH

Living with anyone takes the ability to compromise. To do that both people have to be mature enough to recognize that and do it. There is a solution that both parties can live with if they can communicate.

Bob

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That is the biggest thing couples "need" to do.....communication.
Rational communication.!!

My wife and I have been together for almost 20 years, never has there been an argument, that was slept on. All is hashed out before lights out. I sleep better that way, especially since there's hundreds of razors on my dresser.

Don't need to wake up finding things any shorter than they already are. [emoji22]

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Originally Posted by tcrideshd

That would be my point, compromise, but when the man is letting the wife tell him what he's going to do and takes all the room without letting him have the same Priviledge. That's not compromise it's bull. And yes I still say man up. I don't care if you work on cars or arrange flowers. Maybe I work in an extremely man job that makes me a little more straight forward. I,m not new at this marriage thing, 40 years with a very strong willed woman, made more money than me! And has the need to have things her way since she was always in charge, but when it comes to our lives together its share and respect. The minute she would tell me she gets what she wants and I don't, it would be over. So I dont pretend to tell you what to do. I dont even care if your being manipulated and shown disrespect. But marriage is a "sharing" of life, not selfishness or uncaring of your interests. Tc

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Yes, that where it takes two mature people who can communicate, recognize that there is a problem and come to a solution involving compromise. It has nothing to do with who wears or doesn't wear the pants in the family. If you can't get a workable solution then you have a couple of alternatives, accept the status quo or leave. The alternatives to not being able to communicate are not very appealing. Survived one of the alternatives and coming up on 30 years living with someone else who also survived one of the alternatives. Sometimes we learn from mistakes.

Bob

There are a lot of decent options here...So i wont bring new ideas into the problem.
Just wanted to say i know how you feel.
I 've been with my wife for @ 6 years and married for 4+ years.

I also bean restoring and collecting straight razors @ 7 years ago.

At first when we moved in togeter we had a 3 room apartment with a large closed balcony.
I made a table on one end of the balcony with a window.
Then i put a curtain on that end of the balcony and a fan to pull the dust out.

Later after talking to the administrator of the building he was kind enough to let me use a storage space at the last floor versus a small monthly fee....so i mooved my geat there and about once a week i would go work there without bothering the wife.

Just remember "A happy wife means a happy life"...so no matter how frustrted it may be ... try to find a solution to keep both of you happy.

I understand you live in a house...you could try to build yourself a cart/ workbench and roll it t in the yard... drag an extension cord and doo your messy stuff outside....it would be even better.

Thanks for all the suggestions, gents.

Another option for my consideration is a makerspace here in town...
Welcome to TekVenture - Home
For $35 a month I get access to all of the equipment in the place. Among the dedicated sections is a metal working/blacksmithing shop! But that would require dedicating set blocks of time aside, spent downtown, likely without my wife (she is incapable of standing/walking for long periods).

And then there is the problem with my schedule. I am not a morning person, and work three twelve hour shifts and clock out around 2am. On my days off, I might sleep in until 4pm. This adds a wrinkle to my predicament. By the time I get moving around, a lot of places have closed for the day. Personally, I'm more active in the middle of the night anyway.

Gonna bug SWMBO to help sort the craft office tonight or tomorrow :shrug:.

Well, good luck! :gl:

You will get it sorted. Takes time! :)

Good luck! Of course cleaning up an extra room around here always seems to take more effort than anyone really wants to muster.

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Originally Posted by GreenRipper

Good luck! Of course cleaning up an extra room around here always seems to take more effort than anyone really wants to muster.

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Ain't that the truth...Daughter off to college for 3 years and finally got the wife in her room to help me yesterday....Filled the pickup with high school crap. Started to regret not just doing it myself.

I would have gotten 2 pickup loads out.....