It's surprisingly nerve-wracking, buying that first straight razor.

At first you think it's a simple process, just buy an 'affordable' from a 'dependable', and get to learning. But who is dependable and what is affordable in this pursuit? What needs considering that I haven't considered?
After hundreds upon hundreds of threads, each filled with thousands of comments, in-jokes, differing opinions and mysterious acronyms, what the hell did I miss? I know me, good money says I missed something!
What if this vintage restoration with the unfamiliar name and simple form is a small treasure, offered out of complete kindness by a scale-shaping Samaritan from the Land of Lather?
Is it not stupid to buy a new razor, no matter the razors source or reputation, if I'm new?
I'm likely to drop it, nick it, overhone it or dull it while participating in a Quentin Tarrantino film, which could happen, so stop rollin' yer eyes. I happen to have a decent profile, thank you.

I know I'm gonna ruin this thing, or ruin my face and abandon it in animalistic fear, so that I hoot and urinate whenever I see it afterwards.

You can be certain I'll ruin the good strop, no matter how much time I spend on the practice strop.

I'd bet good money I'm gonna forget something valid about shaving prep while trying to remember all this other crap.

It's a sure thing I'm gonna do something stupid, something juvenile, like carry the thing to work one day. No one will know, it will be concealed, but I'll know, and for that day I can convince myself that I'm a madman and a badass, and that's seriously stupid.

There's gonna be a lot of regrets. I see a bad moon rising, but what the hell-
I just bought a Wapi from Ken.

Maybe now I can think about something else for a change... like honing stones.