Just Wondering...

I was thinking about where I work just now (in a prison as an Education Coordinator) and a quote I read, from a prison newspaper from San Quentin which said (along the lines of) ‘Working in a prison is working where paranoia is treated as normal and basic trust as unwise’.

I was thinking, after 15 years of doing this, if my basic instincts have been sullied and I've become distrustful of all. I was wondering if, and if so how much, outside influences influence the sort of people we are.

I used to be in the army, and for two years was a Recruit Instructor. I remember that for that time I was a bit of a psycho; and ended up not distinguishing between work and home; I used to give my kids (3 and six) room inspections; having them stand by the end of their beds while I ensured teddy was sitting up straight and barbie was suitably attired…

I think I’m being shaped by my jobs; and I’m not sure I like it. I should have taken my brother’s advice (when I was 16) and become a professional surfer. Forget the fact I had trouble standing up on the board (due to poor eyesight) it’s probably still a more favorable option…

Just wondering…

Well at least there aren't any sharks in the average prison.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ace

Well at least there aren't any sharks in the average prison.

---

Are you mentioning sharks 'cause of that guy that got nibbled? I'd maybe like to die by being eaten by a shark than, I don't know, in a hospital or something, there'd be at least some sort of irony type thing. Either that or by the fire in my sleep. Lately, I've been wondering if I'll wake to a cold Lucy (my Dalmatian dog) in my bed, ir of Lucy will wake howling for her master...

I wonder if normal people wonder about that; if they'll have to deal with the anguish or if they or their favorite hound will go first? Maybe normal people substitute people for the hound, but not I...

First it's "am I evil".....now it's " Id'e like to be eaten by a shark"...........What are you smoking or maybe it's time to start ?????:confused:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by carlmaloschneider

I wonder if normal people wonder about that; if they'll have to deal with the anguish or if they or their favorite hound will go first?

---

I have decided that my dogs and I are going to live forever. Now I need to hash out the details...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by carlmaloschneider

..snip...
I wonder if normal people wonder about that; if they'll have to deal with the anguish or if they or their favorite hound will go first? Maybe normal people substitute people for the hound, but not I...

---

What is normal?? I'm not and I have 7 decades of experience! We are formed into what we are by what we do and what has been done to us. Birth and death are the beginning and end of our personal paragraph.
~Richard

I decided when I was 20 years of age (I'm 26 now) that I shouldn't let what I do define me. And I shouldn't work for the bigger house or the nicer car, but I would start living and chasing this idea of being self sufficient and healthy (mentally, physically, spiritually, socially and emotionally). I quit my job with Union Pacific Rail Road in northern California to the dismay and confusion of some of my peers. I'm sure some people saw me as an ill informed youngster with a desire for passion yet no discipline. And in most senses I was, but I knew I was chasing something good.

Now I work full time in Southern California in a job I am more happy about but is by no means an "ideal" situation and I'm a lot closer to that dream. But then again I realize that such a task is not easily achieved but earned in longevity and discipline. I'm married now and my wife and I have the same dream, a simple life not being subjected to what culture tells us but by what makes our hearts whole. And we are constantly pursuing that dream.

Just my experience, life is always full of options and with jobs comes mindsets and ways of thinking (specially in your case). But ultimately it what makes you happy and healthy.

And just to clarify. I truly believe that people are geared and wired differently. Life is about find what makes YOU tick. Not about what works for others. And some jobs make certain people happy while the same thing would totally stress out some one like me.

It's my day for quips. There's an old saying, carl... "If you're a carpenter long enough the whole world starts to look like a nail."

Another old saying... "If you think you might have a problem then you already do."

And one more... "Nobody on their death bed ever wished they'd spent more time at the office."

Change is good sometimes.

Hmm. I agree with Richard, and Robb, we are shaped by our work to some degree, but there is a good deal more of our life experience that colors us, that we can sometimes use to shape our work. That is, if, we happen to work in a place where we have a little control over what we do. A regimented job like the correctional world or the military, leave only a little wiggle room, but sometimes it's enough to give the illusion of control.

Having been a medical officer in corrections, I would agree with the San Quentin quote, but my perspective would be that paranoia (a non-disordered disorder) becomes a necessary survival skill. It's no different in my present job where obsessive-compulsive behavior (a non-disordered disorder) about washing my hands is a necessary survival skill, or professional trait to not spread disease and filth to undeserving customers.

Some of the best people I know work corrections, they should not be judged by what they do, as they very often are, but it's difficult to get to know them if all we concentrate on is their job. By far and away Carl, who you are is much more valuable and important than what you do for a living. Figuring that out is an important developmental step for us all.

Caveat emptor: the above was written by a dyed-in-the-wool cynic. An adaptive philosophy that is psychologically self-protective. After all, when things go bad, I'm rarely, if ever, disappointed. ;)

I retired from NYS dept of corrections and after years I am very distrustful of most people. I also am always conscious of my surroundings and look for those individuals that are out to get someone. I think it goes with the job.

Carl, consider this:
I'm not living in the past; I'm just paying for it. (Linda Groth)
~Richard

I've spent quite a bit of time in prisons myself. It's kind of tradition in the N.M system when you come up to the main facility in Santa Fe you get locked in the old gas Chamber for a few minutes.

They say when you work in the big house the only difference between you and the inmates is you get to go home at the end of your shift.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Nightblade

First it's "am I evil".....now it's " Id'e like to be eaten by a shark"...........What are you smoking or maybe it's time to start ?????:confused:

---

That's just the sort of guy I am, that's just the sort of guy I am...
I'm not saying I'd LIKE to be eaten by a shark, but there are more boring options...

I believe life shapes us, and because our work is part of our life it will almost inevitably shape us to varying degrees. However the degree to which it does that varies from person to person and from job to job.

I am determined to keep a lid on the extent to which my work defines me as a person. I research some unimaginably horrible things, and if I were to let that dictate who I was and how I saw the world, I would not only lose all faith in humanity, I would also become a very, very angry, bitter, and possibly dangerous person. But to say that it has not had any effect on me would be disingenuous. I just try to be aware that it's possible, and if I don't like the way my mindset is heading, I do something to bring myself back on course. Learning to recognize that was a challenge at first, to my cost. And the lives of several former colleagues who did not recognize the signs in time have been devastated by the effects of doing the work we do.

So for what it's worth, this is my advice for anyone in or embarking on a career that deals with subject matter that can cause vicarious trauma: remain as self-aware as possible. Remember who you are and who you want to be, and don't let the bad stuff drag you down. If it does, talk to someone. Do what you need to do to look after yourself.

This helps me focus when I feel mentally boxed in & I dwell too much on my decisions of the past; I repeat this simple old saying, "Today is the first day, of the rest of your life."


Leave decisions of the past where they belong,,,in the past.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Hirlau

This helps me focus when I feel mentally boxed in & I dwell too much on my decisions of the past; I repeat this simple old saying, "Today is the first day, of the rest of your life."


Leave decisions of the past where they belong,,,in the past.

---

Interesting. A guy at work (a prisoner) the other day did a course and as part of that course he had to write a thing entitled 'my life'. As many commonly do when new to computing (word processing), he printed an extra blank page. As I took the document from the printer to give to him I noted the blank page (we get a LOT of blank pages printed; I'll need to show them how to do a print preview and check for this). I said 'Oh, a blank page, that must be your future'. Then I expanded on the comment, I said 'Your future's a blank slate you know, you can put anything you like on that page'.

He smiled and took the document, including the blank page. I'm not sure he got what I meant. Maybe he did or did not, maybe he will realise the profound statement that it actually was later on...

I like sowing little seeds of wisdom like that, it makes me think I'm doing something worthwhile...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by carlmaloschneider

Interesting. A guy at work (a prisoner) the other day did a course and as part of that course he had to write a thing entitled 'my life'. As many commonly do when new to computing (word processing), he printed an extra blank page. As I took the document from the printer to give to him I noted the blank page (we get a LOT of blank pages printed; I'll need to show them how to do a print preview and check for this). I said 'Oh, a blank page, that must be your future'. Then I expanded on the comment, I said 'Your future's a blank slate you know, you can put anything you like on that page'.

He smiled and took the document, including the blank page. I'm not sure he got what I meant. Maybe he did or did not, maybe he will realise the profound statement that it actually was later on...

I like sowing little seeds of wisdom like that, it makes me think I'm doing something worthwhile...

---

And I've read countless stories how something as simple as that can truly impact a persons life where they truly change.

I've always strived to experience the moment.

To believe that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be, doing exactly what I'm meant to be doing.

I decided a long time ago that I don't do drama, and I won't get involved in it...all it will do is upset me needlessly and I won't let it rent space in my head.

I've heard a saying which I quite like, "If you have one foot in yesterday, and the other in tomorrow, you pi$$ all over today!"

As I've said here before, I strive now for experience in my life, not tasks, and I can't change the past, tomorrow isn't here yet, and none of us is promised tomorrow. So all we have is right now, so I always try to make the best of it, because that's where I am, and it's where I should be.

My advice is trust no one but don't be suspicious. Does that make sense ?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by onimaru55

My advice is trust no one but don't be suspicious. Does that make sense ?

---

Do you mean to assume a neutral standpoint until someone has proved themselves eitherway?

Carl, I think environmental influences will mould you to a greater or lesser degree, just look at the way we behave around different groups of people, family, friends, workmates etc, and on a more microscopic level with individuals within that group.
Now if we spend a lot of time with certain groups or individuals they will definately affect us, a minor example would be language, where I work including strong swear words into conversation is de rigeur, and I spend 12 hours a day, 2 weeks out of 3 with my workmates, I find that the swearing is hard to control outside of work as it is in such common usage at work. I do actively try to control it at work but it isn't easy.
I think you have certainly made some interesting career choices for someone with your apparent emotional make up, but you have survived it up until now.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by RoobtheLoob

I decided when I was 20 years of age (I'm 26 now) that I shouldn't let what I do define me. And I shouldn't work for the bigger house or the nicer car, but I would start living and chasing this idea of being self sufficient and healthy (mentally, physically, spiritually, socially and emotionally). I quit my job with Union Pacific Rail Road in northern California to the dismay and confusion of some of my peers. I'm sure some people saw me as an ill informed youngster with a desire for passion yet no discipline. And in most senses I was, but I knew I was chasing something good.

Now I work full time in Southern California in a job I am more happy about but is by no means an "ideal" situation and I'm a lot closer to that dream. But then again I realize that such a task is not easily achieved but earned in longevity and discipline. I'm married now and my wife and I have the same dream, a simple life not being subjected to what culture tells us but by what makes our hearts whole. And we are constantly pursuing that dream.

Just my experience, life is always full of options and with jobs comes mindsets and ways of thinking (specially in your case). But ultimately it what makes you happy and healthy.

---

You have found the holy grail at such a young age. Good for you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by carlmaloschneider

That's just the sort of guy I am, that's just the sort of guy I am...
I'm not saying I'd LIKE to be eaten by a shark, but there are more boring options...

---

I think I might prefer a less exciting death if I had a choice. Though death by shark would be fairly unlikely as I don't go into the ocean unless it's unavoidable, of course there is a slim possiblity of eating some bad shark meat, but as I rarely eat fish it's pretty unlikely too.

I take myself to work and I don't change when I get there. If I can't be me at work I move on. Yes the people I am around influence my behavior but they do not change who I am. What do I take away from any work situation ? How to adapt to the situation. You may come home with some of that on you but it fades the longer you are away. If not, your to wrapped up in your work.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by edhewitt

Do you mean to assume a neutral standpoint until someone has proved themselves eitherway?

---

No , I mean try to have enough knowledge or listen to your gut feeling so you don't need to trust or be suspicious. If you 'know' something's a bad idea you don't need to go ahead unless you want the experience.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by onimaru55

My advice is trust no one but don't be suspicious. Does that make sense ?

---

Yes, I guess it does. Just a sec, what's your motive?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by edhewitt

...I think you have certainly made some interesting career choices for someone with your apparent emotional make up, but you have survived it up until now.

---

You're saying I'm a sensitive little sooky la la aren't you?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by carlmaloschneider

You're saying I'm a sensitive little sooky la la aren't you?

---

No mate, either tougher than you think you are, or a masochist or both :)

Some people have a career while for others its a way of life. Me (even more distant), I have a job. It pays my bills but my mind is elsewhere the moment I leave.....sometimes before I leave. To me, there's much more interesting things in life beyond my job. If you are one of the lucky ones, your job and your passion are the same. For those fortunate few, there is no work. I unfortunately work.

I think you can try to make work as rewarding as possible since you spend so much time there but ultimately who a person is isn't about what they do for a living.

I've always had many things that I wanted to do and it was all independent from work so it was always entirely within my control.

I scuba dive a lot. There are many accidents where I hear people say "Well, at least he died doing what he loved doing".

If I die (drown) while scuba diving do not think I was "happy" at the end. I'd like to die (and not prematurely) in my sleep :)

No being eaten by sharks for me either :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by gcbryan

I think you can try to make work as rewarding as possible since you spend so much time there but ultimately who a person is isn't about what they do for a living.

I've always had many things that I wanted to do and it was all independent from work so it was always entirely within my control.

I scuba dive a lot. There are many accidents where I hear people say "Well, at least he died doing what he loved doing".

If I die (drown) while scuba diving do not think I was "happy" at the end. I'd like to die (and not prematurely) in my sleep :)

No being eaten by sharks for me either :)

---

Excellent point!! I would like to die in my sleep as well, peacefully, just like my Grandfather did, unlike the screaming passengers in his car. '-0