A Blast From The Past.....The Story Behind The Moonjava Shaving Brush.

[thebigspendur]

The brush selected here is the Simpson Chubby 3 Manchurian however this is no ordinary brush. There is a story connected to this brush and I’ll relate it to you as it was related to me many years ago.

Uncle Clem was returning to the ranch one night after having tied one on at the local tavern we call “The Cow Flop”. All of a sudden he saw these lights in the sky and he felt kind of dizzy which was nothing unusual in his intoxicated state. He thought the constable was after him in one of those new-fangled heliocopters. He really didn’t mean to break that bottle of tequila over Angus’ head.

But he was wrong cause that wasn’t the law it was those space aliens and the next thing Clem knows he’s whisked away to their planet called “Moonjava”. Now they never did see no Hillbilly Human before and wasn’t sure what to make of him so they put him in a fancy cage that looked like a typical backwoods shack and the folks would come and gawk at him every day.

One day he realizes the men would all be faceturbating and spraying stuff on their faces. He asked his keeper one day what was up with that. He said that was because the men on the planet shave with atomic powered razors and not only do they leak radiation but they do a terrible job removing their whiskers. The spray they use protects them from the radiation. He said some guy named Gillette invented the thing and one day stole a spaceship and was never seen again.

So Clem tells him about a better way and they are intrigued. So being a very handy fellow who could fix and make just about anything (especially if it involved moonshine) Clem instructs them how to make a straight razor and starts shaving the upper crust of their society. Well, they never did see anything like this before and weren’t too keen on having some simian type wielding a dangerous instrument near their necks but in time he was set free and had a chain of tonsorial parlors all over the planet. He became very wealthy and famous and everyone wanted to be seen with him. They even wanted him to run for President. They named buildings for him and all manner of contraptions and even gave him a medal.

But he was homesick so before returning him to Earth they gave him a chunk of their most valuable mineral “Moonjavaite”. They got no horses or badgers or boars there so the hair came from their most ferocious creature, the deadly razorsauris. When he got home he had Simpson’s rework the handle and replace the hair with Manchurian Badger. He used it for years. The original hair disintegrated in Earth's polluted air.

Unfortunately he was returning home from The Cow Flop Inn one night and in his intoxicated condition went the wrong direction and decided to sleep a spell by the abandoned rail bed unfortunately he went east instead of west and he chose to sleep by the Santa Fe Main Line Tracks and the “Super Chief” wasn’t gonna stop for nothing.

The only thing left was his medal, not a trace of him.

So I inherited the brush