So, was I rude?

Something happened today that has continued to bug me, so I thought I'd check in here to see if anyone has an opinion...

I have worked pretty much sequestered away in a lab for the last couple of decades and am fully aware of my limited social skills. However, today I did something that afterwards gnawed at me because I wondered if what I did was offensive. I was walking in a hallway near the main entrance of the hospital where I work. I saw a blind man with a white cane encountering a wall, turn, go a little farther to encounter another obstacle, turn, and continue to explore. Though lots of people were walking by, no one approached him. By the time I reached him he had pretty much completed a full circle. I asked him if he needed help finding his way, and as I spoke I noticed that he was wearing a hospital ID badge. He told me that he had lost his bearings and didn't know where he was. This lead me to presume that he was completely blind (not everyone with a cane is). I told him that he was in front of the gift shop near the main entrance of the hospital. I though that would be enough information for him to find his bearings. He asked me which way it was to the cafeteria. My immediate thought of course was to point, but that was obviously useless, and my second thought I acted upon without thinking. That was the problem.

He was already aimed in almost the right direction, but without saying anything, I lightly grabbed his shoulders and put a little pressure on them to indicate the direction he needed to rotate. Now, I did not physically turn him. The pressure from both hands indicated the direction I wanted him to turn and the pressure change indicated when I wanted him to stop. I then said it's straight down the hall that way. He thanked me and walked off.

I was immediately mortified and thought for a moment I should catch up with him and apologize for grabbing him that way. I really did it without thinking. It was simply the most immediate way to guide him in the direction he needed to go.

Now, I don't know if he took offense. I certainly can be offensive when I want to be, but usually I offend without having the slightest clue what I did wrong. This was a unique experience for me in that I immediately suspected that what I did was offensive. I felt that I had steered him in the same manner that I used to steer my kids when they were small. I should have asked if I could touch him or could have asked him how he wanted me to show him the proper direction. I hate that I treated him differently because he was blind, but at the same time, I had to deal with him differently because he was blind. I just don't like that I touched him without any warning or permission.

So, how bad was it?

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He thanked me and walked off

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Sounds like he wasn't offended at all.I feel like you did the right thing in helping him in any way you could.I hate that we have to try to be so PC with everything we do.

I think you did fine. IMO, if a person gets offended by something but doesn't make it clear that they felt that way, you have no reason to worry about it anyway.

My guess is that if he was offended he would have reacted in a way to let you know. If not verbally with body english. I think you are beating yourself up for nothing. You did the man a favor and he probably appreciated it.

I'm sure he appreciated your help.

You certainly did what I probably would have done and I believe many would do. I think you should be feeling good that you did anything to help at all. If you had not stepped up would he still be wondering around?

Your actions may or may not have been perfect, but you at least were trying to help. He probably appreciated that and cut you some slack on your methods. Everyone else anticipated the awkwardness and chose to avoid it altogether. I commend you for helping instead.

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Originally Posted by aroliver59

Sounds like he wasn't offended at all. I feel like you did the right thing in helping him in any way you could. I hate that we have to try to be so PC with everything we do.

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I completely agree. With the entire statement. I am about 45% crippled (physically handicapped) and sometimes I need help. I'm more offended by those who spend time trying to figure out how to help me with out offending, but then walk away rather than offend.

And for those who have met me yes there are good days and bad ones it depends how hard I have pushed myself.

You mention that you hated treated him differently because he blind, however you are REQUIRED to do so. Treating him differently does not imply you believing that he is a lesser man, you were merely adapting to his needs. He was most likely not offended, as he is probably very used to people doing a variety of different things to get their points across to him. You stopped and helped a man in need when others did not, and instead of worrying you should feel proud for being the Good Samaritan. It is clear that hospital and the public in general need more people who are willing to help others in this way, because it truly is the little things that matter.

-Brent

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Originally Posted by deighaingeal

I'm more offended by those who spend time trying to figure out how to help me with out offending, but then walk away rather than offend.

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Yes, I can appreciate this. Not helping never came to mind and it bothered me as I saw the couple dozen people walk past him before I reached him. I've never been a bystander sort of person so that wasn't really the issue. I just regret the way I did it. I have had virtually no contact with blind people.

Has anyone been in a similar situation in which you needed to orient a blind person? After the fact I thought I could have said "it's at your two o'clock." I just hope that if I'm ever in that situation again, I'll ask how they want help. I've done that with people struggling in wheelchairs. I certainly wouldn't just start pushing without asking if they wanted help first. I did that with the guy today. I asked if he needed help. I just wasn't happy with my reaction when I realized that pointing wasn't going to help. I should have asked how he wanted help.

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Originally Posted by bknesal

You mention that you hated treated him differently because he blind, however you are REQUIRED to do so. Treating him differently does not imply you believing that he is a lesser man, you were merely adapting to his needs.

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Thanks, that's a good point.

Just to be clear. I'm not beating myself up over this. I realize that he has probably had a lifetime of people treating him differently. I just felt that I could have been more respectful of him even if he did not end up taking offense. Next time I'll try to do better.

Thanks guys.

It sounds like you have played the part of the Good Samaritan to perfection. A dozen people walked by but you stopped to help, I think your intentions as well as the actions say a lot about you. Its all good! Life is a learning experience and you have learned something. I do agree that maybe you should have asked what the best way to help was, but I would have probably made the same mistake trying to act in an efficient manner.

Ut,
I'm adventitiously deaf. Once a year I attend a total immersion interpreter training program to hone my sign language skills. Part of the training involves working with deaf/blind people. Mobility issues for hearing blind and deaf/blind are quite similar.

Were you to accompany this gentleman all the way to the cafeteria, it would have been appropriate for you to place your right hand on his left forearm or upper arm and guide him that way. Since all he asked you was to point him in the right direction, what you did was wholly appropriate.

Trust me on this: that fellow was not offended. He much appreciated your help and your kindness. He could hear all the other people passing him by without offering him help. You deserve to feel good about this one. :beer1:
Namaste,
Morty -_-

Ron,
What you have failed to take in to consideration is that your touch was just as important as the info you imparted. A blind man was lost in area full of people who were either indifferent, or too awkward feeling to help. You not only went to his aid, but you made physical contact. In our FaceBook /text message world ,we seem to have forgotten how important human contact is to us. I believe you handled the situation admirably. You were a kind individual who helped his fellow man,and did it in a way that allowed him to continue on alone,with his dignity,and maybe his faith in humanity,intact.

Kudos to you,Ron.:bow

I am proud to know you.


Gary

The only thing I may have done different is say in a very loud voice, "May I help you" so that all the walking zombies may wake up for just a split second from their sleepless dreams and perchance recognize what Jesus meant when he said "Love thy neighbor..."

I would not hesitate to do exactly what you did. My own personality would lead me to add something. I've found that if you make a head on collision with their disability he or she will often, if not most of the time, appreciate it. I'll say something like, "It's right over there, next to the hot looking blonde." Of course you have to choose your audience carefully and make a judgement call. But - a hearty genuine laugh from him will make their day. That's truly being treated like everyone else and they usually appreciate it. Obviously, your milage may vary and not everyone can pull it off with success. My success rate is extraordinarily high. Don't hate me because I'm weird like that.

What they said. And if I read your original post correctly, since you mention that this gentleman was wearing a hospital ID badge, it sounds as if you and he work in the same place. Perhaps you'll encounter him again, and you'll have the opportunity to talk with him about it.

If more folks had the compassion and sensitivity with which you are so obviously equipped, this world would be in a lot better shape.

Instead of wondering if you offended by the was you helped him you should be proud that you helped another person in need. I can only imagine how scary it must be to be lost in a room with many people and have no one offer any kind of help. It is a window to your character

As everyone has already said, you did nothing wrong, and definitely could have done worse. Since it was just a light touch to direct him to where he wanted, I think the only way you could have offended him was if he had a big touching issue, and he likely would have made it known. I would have done it the same way, typically I think I'd have said something like "here" before touching him just out of instinct as a preamble to helping him, but it isn't necessary.

You should definitely be proud for stepping out and helping him when others didn't, human brains are hardwired to avoid doing that, and you did. Good on you! :D

I can't see that what you did was anything but the right thing to do.
Some sections of western society are becoming so hell bent on maintaining political correctness that it is becoming self-defeating. Sure, there are things we did a few years back that we cringe at nowadays, but we are in danger of throwing out the baby with the bathwater.

To get a definitive answer I think you'd have to address the guy concerned (and even then you couldn't be sure). For what it's worth I think you did the best that you could and it was pretty good actually. The fact that you're questioning your response to a previously unexperienced situation speaks well of you as well.

Let me start this by saying my father is blind and what you did was absolutely wonderful. I hope you mentioned your name to him so he knows who helped him.
You are correct about not everyone with a cane is totally blind, but enough so that they need the cane. When I am with my father and he is following me, if he has his dog, the dog leads, if not he places his hand on my shoulder from behind and I just walk. Some of his freinds prefer to take my arm. Either way is fine.
I think what you did was wonderful and I'm certain so did the gentleman you helped. There are several ways to handle working with a stranger who is blind. If you would feel more comfortable, next time ask the person if he would like to take your arm, or place his hand on your shoulder. Those are the two best options and i am certain they will let you know what they prefer.

Once again, you did a wonderful thing and I think if you ask any visually impaired person they would agree.


I owe you one from the top shelf.:beer1:

Cheers!!

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Originally Posted by Utopian

... I lightly grabbed his shoulders and put a little pressure on them to indicate the direction he needed to rotate. ...

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Well done!! tu :tu

While tis person was't d he was't deaf and heard all the people walking past him. That rude of all those people. For future reference I would enhance the encounter by just telling you are going to take his elbow and point him in right direction. I'm sure he had a very nice story to share with his friends about the encounter.

I know times change however back in the old days if a blind person needed some assistance when you spoke to them they would extend their elbow which meant they wanted you to guide them by their elbow. If they didn't do that it meant they didn't want your help.

I don't know if that is still practiced or not these days.

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Originally Posted by Utopian

So, how bad was it?

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You should be asking him instead of us

Or to put it another way - maybe he took it as rude and maybe he didn't. :shrug: The way people receive rudeness is not always based on your true intentions, but what they perceive them to have been - however, he said "Thank you" so if I had to, I would guess he did not think you were rude

situation like this doesn't happen everyday . it was sudden and on your mind what you did was right.
you try to help.
That is all matter.
I don't think he will be offensive etc .
Only next time you meet the blind person take him/her to the destination please.
As you know now better then anyone else blind will need more help then just direct him to some point.He will get lost again,again and again.
thank you for help Ron.

Gentle and caring human touch is a benevolent gift. As you describe it, I think you did well.

I think that you did well by even the highest standards and since he thanked you and didn't scorn you while he walked away I think that he appreciated your help. :)

To the OP: Ya done good.

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Originally Posted by thebigspendur

I know times change however back in the old days if a blind person needed some assistance when you spoke to them they would extend their elbow which meant they wanted you to guide them by their elbow. If they didn't do that it meant they didn't want your help.

I don't know if that is still practiced or not these days.

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I can only speak for my Dad and his friends. They prefer to hold you this way they can follow which is easier for them

Ron,

There is a blind man in my neighborhood and as our block is pretty active with cookouts and such, I have had the opportunity to talk to him on few occasions and ask him about navigating.

He said that for the most part as long as he is paying attention when he leaves the house, he doesn't get lost. On the rare occasion that he does lose his bearings he has relied on strangers or neighbors to help him out. He said that he frequently finds himself explaining to folks who simply say "Oh, you need to go that way..." that they need to take his arm and turn him to face the direction they are wanting to indicate.

My guess is that the individual that you helped didn't feel strange about your approach at all but likely thought "Finally, someone who understands that I can't see!"

If you run into him again, you can always ask him. But just your being worried about it is a sure sign that you are already sympathetic to the situation and that more so than most.

-Rob

Ron,
I have never seen any reason to suggest your social skills are lacking. You are a delightful conversationalist, a well-rounded man with all kinds of fascinating life experiences and wisdom from them, and above all the fact that you worried about this at all shows what a gentleman you are. I think you did just fine. :)

not offensive. helpful. no worries.

and it is pathetic that others were too worried about being PC to help him.

Hello, Utopian:

You would have been rude and committed a profound offense had you not stopped to help him.

But you did stop to help him, and did you put a warm and gentle hand on his shoulder to point him in the right direction.

That was kind of you, and gracious, and responsible, and human. It was also noble.

Were I you, I probably would have added a few kind words. Then again, for you, your touch of understanding said it all.

Thank you for extending a helping hand to one in need.

Regards,
Obie

What Obie said...! :D

I don't think you were rude, and if the gentleman was fine about it then I see no reason be concerned!

IMHO, I think it's a shame that you should even have to ask if providing a service to a fellow human being in need was rude or not. Not every person that delivers help delivers it the same way, yet does it with the same heart.

I wish to believe that the man knew what was in your heart and accepted the much needed help in the spirit in which it was delivered. I wish that our world would encourage people such as youself rather that put shadow of doubt on their deeds.

Well done.
David

Id do it exactly the same way. Cant wait till you bump into him and let us all know.

Our society sucks, were so anti touch and offence. I used to hug all my friends at church but now i just stand next to them and give em a side hug. Its cool, i still get to show them i love them but in our corrupt world full of nasty people you have to be more careful.
But as said, a kind touch is a good thing.
One of my massage teachers said he was giving a massage to someone who had an amputation and when hed worked his way over the shoulder he just massaged the whole limb. The person cried and said think you, no one has been willing to touch me there.

Onya mate, hope i get over my self embarrassment if ever in a similar situation and go out of my comfort zone and help like you did.

+Sz

It speaks volumes of the nobility of your spirit, Sir Ron, that it concerns you so, whether you caused any offence to the gentleman. Courtesy needs to be not only practiced but also considered. You succeeded admirably on all counts, Sir.

:bow:bow:bow

Matt321 Articulated it perfectly.... :) Don`t worry about it and if it ever happens again, or maybe something similar happens... You cared enough to question yourself the first time, you`ll learned from it, if you even decided you NEED to learn any lessons and act in a way maybe you won`t question next time :) Perfik. :) I sued someone once. In the courtroom the judge was confused over the order of a certain event. There was a silence and then I spoke up. He laughed a little and then said to my brief, "Take instructions from you client will you!" I SHOULDN`T have opened my mouth unless I was in the box. But the judge knew that I didn`t know any better, and that I certainly meant nothing by it...... :)

I think you did fine.

I was told years ago when we used to teach blind kids to sail at a local outdoors centre that you should allow a blind person to initiate any contact. So just for future reference, I believe the best approach would have been to invite him to hold your arm and then turn him in the correct direction that way. But it's far more important to offer assistance than to get precisely the right etiquette.

Looked at from another point of view, if you were lost in the dark, would you object to someone lightly touching your shoulder to point you in the right direction?