Thread: So, was I rude?

Something happened today that has continued to bug me, so I thought I'd check in here to see if anyone has an opinion...

I have worked pretty much sequestered away in a lab for the last couple of decades and am fully aware of my limited social skills. However, today I did something that afterwards gnawed at me because I wondered if what I did was offensive. I was walking in a hallway near the main entrance of the hospital where I work. I saw a blind man with a white cane encountering a wall, turn, go a little farther to encounter another obstacle, turn, and continue to explore. Though lots of people were walking by, no one approached him. By the time I reached him he had pretty much completed a full circle. I asked him if he needed help finding his way, and as I spoke I noticed that he was wearing a hospital ID badge. He told me that he had lost his bearings and didn't know where he was. This lead me to presume that he was completely blind (not everyone with a cane is). I told him that he was in front of the gift shop near the main entrance of the hospital. I though that would be enough information for him to find his bearings. He asked me which way it was to the cafeteria. My immediate thought of course was to point, but that was obviously useless, and my second thought I acted upon without thinking. That was the problem.

He was already aimed in almost the right direction, but without saying anything, I lightly grabbed his shoulders and put a little pressure on them to indicate the direction he needed to rotate. Now, I did not physically turn him. The pressure from both hands indicated the direction I wanted him to turn and the pressure change indicated when I wanted him to stop. I then said it's straight down the hall that way. He thanked me and walked off.

I was immediately mortified and thought for a moment I should catch up with him and apologize for grabbing him that way. I really did it without thinking. It was simply the most immediate way to guide him in the direction he needed to go.

Now, I don't know if he took offense. I certainly can be offensive when I want to be, but usually I offend without having the slightest clue what I did wrong. This was a unique experience for me in that I immediately suspected that what I did was offensive. I felt that I had steered him in the same manner that I used to steer my kids when they were small. I should have asked if I could touch him or could have asked him how he wanted me to show him the proper direction. I hate that I treated him differently because he was blind, but at the same time, I had to deal with him differently because he was blind. I just don't like that I touched him without any warning or permission.

So, how bad was it?

He thanked me and walked off

Sounds like he wasn't offended at all.I feel like you did the right thing in helping him in any way you could.I hate that we have to try to be so PC with everything we do.

I think you did fine. IMO, if a person gets offended by something but doesn't make it clear that they felt that way, you have no reason to worry about it anyway.

My guess is that if he was offended he would have reacted in a way to let you know. If not verbally with body english. I think you are beating yourself up for nothing. You did the man a favor and he probably appreciated it.

I'm sure he appreciated your help.

You certainly did what I probably would have done and I believe many would do. I think you should be feeling good that you did anything to help at all. If you had not stepped up would he still be wondering around?

Your actions may or may not have been perfect, but you at least were trying to help. He probably appreciated that and cut you some slack on your methods. Everyone else anticipated the awkwardness and chose to avoid it altogether. I commend you for helping instead.

Originally Posted by aroliver59

Sounds like he wasn't offended at all. I feel like you did the right thing in helping him in any way you could. I hate that we have to try to be so PC with everything we do.

I completely agree. With the entire statement. I am about 45% crippled (physically handicapped) and sometimes I need help. I'm more offended by those who spend time trying to figure out how to help me with out offending, but then walk away rather than offend.

And for those who have met me yes there are good days and bad ones it depends how hard I have pushed myself.

You mention that you hated treated him differently because he blind, however you are REQUIRED to do so. Treating him differently does not imply you believing that he is a lesser man, you were merely adapting to his needs. He was most likely not offended, as he is probably very used to people doing a variety of different things to get their points across to him. You stopped and helped a man in need when others did not, and instead of worrying you should feel proud for being the Good Samaritan. It is clear that hospital and the public in general need more people who are willing to help others in this way, because it truly is the little things that matter.

-Brent

Originally Posted by deighaingeal

I'm more offended by those who spend time trying to figure out how to help me with out offending, but then walk away rather than offend.

Yes, I can appreciate this. Not helping never came to mind and it bothered me as I saw the couple dozen people walk past him before I reached him. I've never been a bystander sort of person so that wasn't really the issue. I just regret the way I did it. I have had virtually no contact with blind people.

Has anyone been in a similar situation in which you needed to orient a blind person? After the fact I thought I could have said "it's at your two o'clock." I just hope that if I'm ever in that situation again, I'll ask how they want help. I've done that with people struggling in wheelchairs. I certainly wouldn't just start pushing without asking if they wanted help first. I did that with the guy today. I asked if he needed help. I just wasn't happy with my reaction when I realized that pointing wasn't going to help. I should have asked how he wanted help.