Stay at home dad is driving me NUTS

I am sure some of you have been in my situation at one time or another. My wife and I moved to Milwaukee this past June for her job. Since that time I have been looking for work to no avail. I am a chef with almost twenty years of cooking under my belt. I have 2 Associate degrees and a Bachelor degree. Some of the jobs I was offered did not pay as well as we need for me to be out of the house 60-80 hrs a week and hire a babysitter. I would be working just to pay the sitter on these salaries. So I have been doing the stay at home dad thing now for 4 months. In my forty years I have never been out of work so long let alone have a 2 and 4 year old to take care of.
I am one of those guys who needs to work and be in a kitchen.

My wife is a Veterinarian so it is not that I need to work to keep the kids fed and a roof over their heads. By this time at night with one in bed and one on the way in an hour or so I am beat, board and mentally numb. I feel that if I just took a job to get out of the house and accept a lower wage I would be cutting myself short and have a "stranger" take care of the kids if that makes sense. It is a dammed if you do and dammed if you don't

So guys what have you done in this type of situation? or suggestions.
:banghead:

Life passes too quickly to miss this opportunity to spend time with your children. That being said, take charge of your time with your kids. If you love to cook (I am an ex-chef) then do what you can to share that with your kids.
Abe Lincoln said it best, "We are just about as happy as we make our minds up to be."

The job you are doing right now is the most important job in the world. The kids will only be little once and that is it. Enjoy your time with them, I know people that would kill to be able to stay at home with their kids.
Besides, if your kids are going to learn any bad habits, better that they learn them from you instead of a stranger. :)

Man, i understand the not working part. I moved to Oconto, WI with my parents (had to get out of Utah) and am looking to move to Menomonee Falls. I am still trying to find work, but only for about a month. It does get tiring, but I would love to be a stay at home dad some day. To be able to be with my kids and watch them grow up would be an amazing experience.

The only thing that is keeping me sane at the moment is finding a project to do and spending the day on it. Although, kids are a fulltime job I would guess... Hope you find work my friend! At least you can devout time to pursuing thee perfect shave ha ha.

Take Care,
Erik

I have been a Part-time dad for the last four years before that I was a full time Security guard, then I went to part-time then I changed roles and worked as a part-time storeman...All this time half of my week I was an at home Dad. As of three months ago I resigned (forced to) from my job. I have been a full time dad to a 4 and 2 year old and a 3 month old. I understand the desire to be working and earning your own money. The desire to have some independence and some sane adult time can be quite strong.
But all those milestones that you get to see your children achieve while your wife is working and missing out on those moments...The first time your baby laughs...If you were the one that was there and the wife wasn't she has missed something quite special. Yes the baby will do it agian and more and more frequently, but it'll never be the same as the first time.
The once off comments that come out of a 4 and 2 year olds mouth...That ones that are so funny you have tears from laughing so hard. The chance to point these little humans in the direction of the sort of adult that you want them to be, that the little person will one day be better than ourselves...Why would you want to give that up???!


Mick

Well guys I appreciate the feedback. Yes some of the funniest things come out of kids mouths and my ears have been there to hear it all. As a parent you always do and want the best for your kids. Being able to accomplish that is very rewarding . If I was never put in this situation I would never know the true amount of work that is involved in raising kids. Don't get me wrong with my role as a father I love doing it and at times is very entertaining (most times). But do you know how easy it is for a two year old boy to get into things? I think he wakes up in the morning and thinks to himself "I hope dad brought his A game today"


Sometimes it is good to get a reality check from outsiders as well as others who are also in similar positions to kinda put things back in perspective.

I can relate to the job issue. Tomorrow morning I will start my last month of my job. If I want to do the kind of work I've been doing for the past 20 years, I'll have to leave the state. My wife is continuing to have health issues and she too is looking for a job.

I went through a divorce a long time ago. My ex-wife decided she no longer wanted to be an adult and starting dating. Despite this, she didn't want to leave our kids with me when she left because she knew I wanted them. It was easier for her to dump them on strangers. We went through a long drawn out divorce and the judge fell for her entire story. The judge gave her sole physical custody with visitation rights for me, and we had joint legal custody. Despite this, she took the kids and left. The last time I saw them they were 6 and 2. I can honestly say that losing them destroyed me.

Now they are 24 and 20.

How's that for perspective?

Dude, you are looking at the glass as half empty...Build your dream Str8 restoring place and go to work at home. become the next Max.:beer2:

Can ya do some catering? Football season is here, it may be a start for an opportunity. Just an idea.

They will definitely remember their dad being around. Too many kids grow up without their dad being there, physically or emotionally.

If money is not the problem and you just need to get out even for awhile have you considered cooking at a homeless shelter as a volunteer. Helping others in need can be very fulfilling and help you keep your sanity.

Or how about doing what I did for a while: work a coiuple days in the week, and stay home the other days. In my case, I worked 4 days a week, was home 1 day per week. And thanks to various subsidizings, my net income was higher than for working 5/5, for a while :)

Anyway, If you work, say 2 or 3 days per week, and stay at home the other days, then you get the best of both worlds. The problem with staying at home all days is that you don't have a lot of intelligent or social interaction.

I can relate to that. When I finished my gap year I had about 6 months unemployed before I started working in the City and I was like Jack Nicholson in The Shining by the end of it..! But that was just me on my own.

But if I had kids I think I would rather be at home with them than paying a stranger to bring them up. Its a very fortunate position to be in when one parent can stay at home and one goes out to work. It was far nicer for me to be picked up from school by my mum than by some au pair who'd be going home in 9 months anyway.

If the finances can take it and both parties are happy with the arrangement, I'd stay at home.

I certainly wouldnt go out to work full time just to hand over my entire salary to a nanny. I know a few people who've been in that situation and all of them gave up work and stayed home with the kids.

I would also look into the sort of work you can do from home, be it writing, teaching cooking classes or razor restoration! While the kids are at school this could give you something to do thats not house/home related as well as bringing in a bit of extra money.

When we had children, my wife gave up her career to raise them until they were both in school full time. Now she has a home based business and rebuilding her income.

She never regretted a day she had to spend with the kids - but I regretted every day I could not. I traveled a lot and 60 - 80 hour workweeks were normal.

I would seriously consider building a home based business for yourself.

I have been thinking about working the Chef and kids thing into a "home business". Those of you who have to feed young kids know how hard it is to get them to eat a balanced meal. I have some neat tricks to get some veggies into the kids and may be able to help other Moms or Dads in a cooking for kids class.

The biggest thing now is not having any adult conversation beside the small talk at the park with mostly nanny who are just out of diapers themselves. I was thinking about this post today at the park as I watched all the nanny's on their cell phones without giving at least 100% to the kids they are in charge of. Then there's me, I know my kid, when he or she looks like he will be getting into something they should not be into. Or doing something a bit to dangerous.

I guess it is a bit of relief knowing that I am really not crazy and others have made it through unscaved.

I was laid off for about 5 weeks, wife was at home pregnannt with our first kid, and our second child was due in a couple of months. I started to go stir crazy after week 4, luckily I got picked up after that. For aduly interaction I still go crazy if I don't get sometime with they guys every couple of weeks so we started a man time where every other week we meet for beers at a local bar. Half the guys don't drink so usually a couple of us get a beer and just sit and talk for 2-3 hours, all of us know it keeps us sane and better men because of it.

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Originally Posted by fletcherfam

I was laid off for about 5 weeks, wife was at home pregnannt with our first kid, and our second child was due in a couple of months. I started to go stir crazy after week 4, luckily I got picked up after that. For aduly interaction I still go crazy if I don't get sometime with they guys every couple of weeks so we started a man time where every other week we meet for beers at a local bar. Half the guys don't drink so usually a couple of us get a beer and just sit and talk for 2-3 hours, all of us know it keeps us sane and better men because of it.

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Sorry I had a laugh at your post...I mis-read the meaning. Your wife was at home pregnant with the first kid and the second kid was due in a few months...WTF??? She hasn't had the first one, yet the second is already due in a few months???! How do you pull that trick off??!
I figured it out though, your pregnant wife was due to give birth to the second child in a few months, so she was at home with the first child. Then you were laid off...Is that right?

Now back to the OP. Would you consider writing a cookbook along the lines of your idea of cooking for kids? I know something like that would be of interest to people in other countries. Just a thought.


Mick

Everyone is trying to make you feel better but in the end being a stay at home dad is something some guys like, some guys tolerate and some guys can't handle it. If I were you I would try and combine the home business with it. Why not do catering?

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Originally Posted by MickR

Sorry I had a laugh at your post...I mis-read the meaning. Your wife was at home pregnant with the first kid and the second kid was due in a few months...WTF??? She hasn't had the first one, yet the second is already due in a few months???! How do you pull that trick off??!
I figured it out though, your pregnant wife was due to give birth to the second child in a few months, so she was at home with the first child. Then you were laid off...Is that right?
Mick

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:roflmao
I had exactly the same confusion!

I have been give the home business idea a great deal of thought. Honestly I did not even think of it. I think the kids cookbook is an idea that I would love to do. Man its hard getting kids to eat good food. If you can make as easy as feeding some of the garbage that some do you would have a winner.
Catering is another idea but that comes with its own issues.


Reading a new post from Birnando tonight reminded me how blessed my family is. If you have not read it check it out.

I think that being new to the area and not knowing many people here is an issue. I might try to do a Wisconsin meet up, there are a few SRP member from Wisconsin ad see how that goes.

There is a place here that teaches kids how to cook.
Young Chefs Academy - A Cooking School for Kids

I can't vouch for how successful they are, I just know they've been here for a year or two. Maybe it can give you some ideas.
Good luck.

Thats a neat site. Ever been?

No I haven't. I was a Chef in a previous life, and my kids are grown beyond where I would take them there, but it is next door to a Running Shop I frequent.
I girl I went to Culinary School with also started a Cooking School for kids, last I heard. I don't believe it was a Franchise.
I was actually requested by some soccer mom's to teach their daughters (my daughters teammates) to learn to cook, just haven't had the time. I definitely think it has potential.
Also, as far as making some money, have you ever thought of personal Chefing?
I used to do dinner parties, with a cooking demo beforehand. All work was done onsite. It kept my 'chops' up for awhile, but again I got too busy with my regular vocation. It was lucrative though. I never got it going full time. I started it by printing recipes of my own making for a local butcher shop to hand out, with my name and number on the recipe. Got a few leads that way...

I was also thinking of doing some private cooking classes. There are many moms and older women who like to entertain.
I think I will put things on paper this weekend. What comes so easy to us can be so hard for others. I think some forget its just food.

Raise your kids. Don't let someone else do it because in the end you will pay more than the price of a babysitter. Take this time to reinvent who you are and what you do. Raising kids is hard but I can assure when they get older they will remember some special day you had and it will fill your heart with pride that you were there. You are very lucky indeed!

Take Care,
Richard

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Originally Posted by speckey

I was also thinking of doing some private cooking classes. There are many moms and older women who like to entertain.
I think I will put things on paper this weekend. What comes so easy to us can be so hard for others. I think some forget its just food.

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I couldnt agree more. All the Foodie shows today have just alineated alot of people from cooking.

Hit me up if you wanna chat sometime....

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Originally Posted by thebigspendur

Everyone is trying to make you feel better but in the end being a stay at home dad is something some guys like, some guys tolerate and some guys can't handle it. If I were you I would try and combine the home business with it. Why not do catering?

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This is probably accurate. I liked every minute I spent with my oldest when she was a baby. But I would have gone absolutely nuts if I'd had to do it every day of the week and get no adult interaction anymore with friends or colleagues.

Since you can cook, you might consider cooking healthy meals for people in your neighborhood on order. Plenty of older or people with probalems want to eat healthy but don't have the option of going to the store on a regular basis, lack a decent kitchen or simply can't cook.

Around here there is a fair business to be had this way. And since people have to order beforehand (they have to choose from a weekly menu in advance) and are usually in for the long haul, planning and buying the ingredients is fairly straightforward.

took me awhile to chime in.. but i'm in a similar situation.. i worked as a chef for 13 years before becoming a nanny.. not all 13 years as a real chef.. but i started at the age of 15 in the kitchen and worked my way up.. my last 5 years or so was spent as a souschef and saucier with frequent fillings in as head chef.. the lifestyle is crazy busy and you develop a mindset..

i fell into this nanny job caring for 5 children and i've pretty much become a single dad to them.. i work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.. i love the kids and my life with them.. but i miss my old life.. it's even caused my lifelong relationship with depression to reemerge from time to time..

the one thing that has really helped out with that.. i've had my 12 year old charge film me making instructional cooking videos with the other kids.. we started out real simple with stuff like onion dicing techniques and basic saute method videos.. we've even made full blown recipe videos for fun stuff like shephard's pie and twice baked potatoes... it's been so rewarding for me and i couldn't recommend it enough..

maybe you aren't in the position to do the exact same thing.. but perhaps you could try something along those lines.. either way.. feel free to chat me up if you ever wanna have a little chef talk back in your life.

My parents worked throughout my childhood. I was first put into day time care part time during the week when I was 16 weeks old. Right up until I was 11 I would spend the mornings and afternoons at a 'child minder'. This, clearly, shaped who I am today - I'm perhaps not as close with my parents as I could be - but I don't think that has to be a bad thing. The woman who took care of me when I was really young, and her husband, are my god parents. I am still in touch with them and in fact I had dinner there on Monday, I'm also very good friends with their son. These people are family to me.

Putting your kids in some kind of care isn't always a bad thing. If you land a job or get an opportunity, take it if it's going to make you happier. There's no point being unhappy just to be with your kids 100% of the time - that's not good for you or them.

I couldn't do it.

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Originally Posted by Wintchase

you are looking at the glass as half empty...

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To those of us who work in engineering, the glass is neither half full nor half empty. It's twice as big as it needs to be.

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Originally Posted by welshwizard

To those of us who work in engineering, the glass is neither half full nor half empty. It's twice as big as it needs to be.

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That's a very novel way of looking at it for me. I like it!