Thebigspendurs Weekly Shaving Brainbuster #11

[thebigspendur]

Good morning shaving fiends.

Well after last week’s fiasco I decided we would have a quiet weekend at the ranch and invited Jethro and company over to my place for dinner but Auntie Beulah offered to make her famous Prairie Dog Stew and I’ve got to tell you she’s one rite smart cook. After you’ve had that stew you’ll be licking your chops for more umm-umm I’m getting hungry just thinking about it.

The way she catches the critters is she has a Prairie Dog City right in the back yard so she sits about 10 yards behind the burrow and Jethro puts a water hose down the burrow and gets his Louisville Slugger and when they pop up he whacks em good right into Auntie’s waiting arms. She’s such a good catcher she should be playing for the Brooklyn Dodgers.

So after dinner Jethro sent me and Festus out to look for those mice that ran off. First I had to find Festus who was behind the haystack with his goat doing.. err, well, you know what I mean.

So we saddled up old Diablo and went looking. Festus is the best tracker in the county. He can actually track mice. So he spots some sign and follows it up a ravine and sure enough there are those mice going down a hole. So he enlarged the hole and Festus sticks his hand down the hole and lordie it turned out to be a badger hole and I swear that was the meanest orneriest badger I’ve ever seen. Why he bit Festus’s arm off clean to the elbow so Festus jumps up with the stump in his hand spurting blood and the badger then attacked Diablo and he threw me and took off. So I’m pulling Jethro down the ravine screaming with the badger chasing us along with his whole family with the kids biting our toes as we ran. Once we got further down the ravine I look up and see old Navajo Joe on a bluff looking down at us shaking his head and laughing his butt off. Well he came down and did some Native American mumbo jumbo and stopped the bleeding and drove us back to the ranch.

Once we got back to the ranch Auntie patched up Festus and eventually Diablo showed up but the wound festered and he went lame and Jethro had to shoot him in the head. Boy was he mad at us. Now I’m going to have to buy more than new tires for the station wagon.

So the question for this week’s shaving brainbuster is this; Since Jethro slaughtered Diablo he is going to make a bunch of strops out of him. So first how many Cordovan strops can he get out of him and exactly where on his body would they come from. Second, Cletus says he doesn’t want one because when he strops on horse he can’t hear anything so it ain’t no good for stropping. Is this true or not? Lastly, what grit sandpaper should Jethro use to get that perfect finish on those strops or should he maybe leave a little knap on the hide? Oh and how wide should those strops be? Also Jethro thinks the strops should be really stiff but I told him Cordovan strops should be butter soft. Who is right?

Be sure to check back on Wednesday for the answer so astounding you won’t ever guess what happened to Festus, his goat and that badger but neither me or the Badger is talking.

[Blade Wielder]

Is Jethro a dog? Are you contemplating making dog leather strops?

If so, that'd be neat.

[ursus]

So the question for this week’s shaving brainbuster is this; Since Jethro slaughtered Diablo he is going to make a bunch of strops out of him. So first how many Cordovan strops can he get out of him and exactly where on his body would they come from. Second, Cletus says he doesn’t want one because when he strops on horse he can’t hear anything so it ain’t no good for stropping. Is this true or not? Lastly, what grit sandpaper should Jethro use to get that perfect finish on those strops or should he maybe leave a little knap on the hide? Oh and how wide should those strops be? Also Jethro thinks the strops should be really stiff but I told him Cordovan strops should be butter soft. Who is right?

Be sure to check back on Wednesday for the answer so astounding you won’t ever guess what happened to Festus, his goat and that badger but neither me or the Badger is talking.

It's good to hear that your family's undercover, secret quest (disguised as mice hunt) for the ultimate shaving brush went well and I look forward to see your pictures of the ****ed-off Badger shaving brush. Sorry to hear about Jethro's arm, but at least he has double the reach and a handy backscratcher now.

As for the questions, cordovan is actually made from horse's #$$. Particularly the #$$ muscles. This totals into either 11 or zero strops.
-Since Jethro is fan of big chunky redneck strops, he'll probably make just one from each of the legs. Totalling 6 legs (it's known that Jethro cannot distinguish from the two ends of the horse as the unfortunate carrot feeding incident proved. Six since horses have fore legs and back legs, totalling 6 legs) times 2 (because once he gets bored, he'll just do a half-#$$ed job, resulting in double amount of strops). Minus one since Cletus didn't want one. Totalling to 11.
-or zero, since Diablo was technically a horse and thus cannot have #$$-cheeks, which only donkeys have.

Though the lack of audible feedback Cletus reported was correct, he might want one now, after discovering that it's quite much easier to hear the strop now that Diablo doesn't buck, kick, bite and neigh all the time while stropping.

Jethro, being a gentleman of leisure with busy schedule, will finish the strops on a powergrinder in a jiff. Since diablo didn't have a cap on his #$$ (which, in a hindsight, might have prevented the carrot accident), it is moot point asking whether he would leave it on the strops.

As said, the width should be as wide as possible, since he likes beefy blades and shaves with a razor classified as a razor only because longswords do not have folding scales.

As for one who is right I cannot say - who won the following fight?

I wish the best for you and your family and look forward to hearing from you again. Please write slowly, since I am a slow reader.

Yours,
ursus

[thebigspendur]

So you want the answers eh?

Cordovan comes from the rear ends of horses. I'm told from the inner thigh and for that reason you can only get enough hide for typically a couple pair of shoes. Most modern horses are smaller than the draft animals of old so getting enough for even one strop can be difficult depending on the animal.

After normal dressing I would leave the leather with a soft supple finish. I've never seen knap on a horse strop of any kind especially the dead variety.

True, most horse is silent when stropped but that has nothing to do with stropping quality. Horse was prized for its longevity.

As far a size goes 3 inches would be very wide for a cordovan strop, probably too wide but not for a plain horse. This is one case where size really does not matter. It's personal preference.

Oh and what happened to festus and company. Well, apparently the badger told the goat he had a score to settle with that family and either he'd be back or his family and friends would be to even the score.

Funny a few days later Festus woke up and a new arm just grew back. Funny what a few extra sets of chromosomes can do for you.

Be sure to check back next week for another incredible episode in the shaving brainbuster.

[ursus]

Good to know.

Nice that Festus is all healed now and got a handy backscratcher out of the whole commotion. Hope to hear some more escapades next week.

[JimmyHAD]

I might have got it but you didn't specify whether it was a two banded or a three banded badger.