Thebigspendurs Weekly Shaving Brainbuster #18

[thebigspendur]

Good morning shaving fiends.

Well Jethro telegraphed me and told me to come over. When I got there, there were these guys who said they were from the Atomic Energy Commission and they wanted us to take them to ground zero to figure out what really happened.

So we took them out there and the locals were telling all these strange stories about some kind of monster that was running around attacking livestock. The whole area was totally devastated and there was no sign of any living thing except for some strange footprints. The water supply was totally contaminated but Jethro said, heck the water is going to Texas so it won’t hurt anyone there. I told him now don’t you start in with that again insulting people. You remember what happened the last time.

Just then the Sheriff showed up and said they had just cornered some monster a few miles away. He said it looked like some Hideous Sun Demon. Well we went over to see and Jethro immediately recognized his cousin Billy Bob. Apparently he had gone into his Tornado cellar as the bomb exploded saving his life but the radiation messed him up real bad.

So they tied him up and whisked him away in a black helicopter. The last we heard they were trying to clone him and turn him into some kind of super soldier.

When we got back to the ranch Jethro showed me all this melted metal he picked up and he was going to give it to Cletus to make him a real Damascus razor.

Festus was moping around. I said what’s the matter? He said his Baaby doesn’t want anything to do with him. She only has eyes for that Government Man.

Well, just about then that State Farm Agent and that Bigspendur show up in their fancy duds and luxury car. The agent wants to know who‘s going to pay for the damage to the house and the Bigspendur wants his razors back. Well Festus brings out those rusty razors and he says those aren’t mine. You took my whole collection of Livi Damascus razors. Festus says Damascus my butt you’re a couple of crooks.

Just then I hear a commotion and those badgers are running through the property like the devil was after them. A couple had a firm bite on that Bigspendurs butt 3 others attached themselves to that State farm Agents feet. Jethro had already climbed up the utility pole and that bear came charging after those badgers and those two city slickers. I could hear them screaming as they ran off.

Funny no one ever did see or hear from them again but we’re enjoying driving around in their fancy vehicle and shaving with those fancy razors. Of course Festus didn’t bring out the primo razors he stole.

We did find some blood on one of the trees. No telling who it belongs to. Must be bloodwood eh? I wonder why they call it that. I bet you could make something neat for shaving from some fancy wood like that. Jethro says that’s how it comes after some blood is spilled on it. I don’t know about that though.

Well, I hope you all have your thinking caps on this week because this week’s brainbuster will require you to answer a riddle:

If a tree has bark and a bear has a coat and a badger has hair and a goat likes the government then…???

Jethro says if you’re the winner, the next time he hijacks a UPS Truck, after he repaints it he’ll let you come and get it.

We’ll let these things run until Friday now.Be sure to check back on Friday for the riddled answers and where the heck are my Livi Damascus razors? Any of you seen them?

[Kees]

Of course the goat likes the governement. After all the bestiality at the hands of your friend Festus she turns to the government for protection as the ASPCA dare not come near him as he has a reputation for violence and the area is contaminated with nuclear fall out.

To finish your quote:

If a tree has bark and a bear has a coat and a badger has hair and a goat likes the government then…???

... your friend Festus better move to New Zealand, land of the sheep sh*ggers*.

Your friends who are strapped for cash all the time are trying to flog your Livis. They will try locally first so do post a "Wanted" poster on every tree and public building within a 25 miles' radius of Jethro's home. If they don't turn up check the classifieds of all the straight shaving forums and ebay regularly.

You may wanna check this ended ebay listing on Belgian ebay: eBay.be: Damast messer taschenmesser jagdmesser, RAZOR 122 (object 220489515384 eindtijd 08-okt-09 20:31:52 CEST)

I bet that is one of your Livis, flogged for less than 25 Euros!

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*

Sheep Shagger
An insult hurled at new zealanders, by australians mostly. it is a reference to the sheep prominence in new zealand- ten sheep to every person. sheep cant breed that fast on their own, so the "sheep shaggers" help

[thebigspendur]

What, no one else wants to take a stab at answering the riddle. Have you no backbone? Are you men or mice?

[thebigspendur]

So you want an answer to the riddle eh? Well I dare say none of you deserve it except Kees so this really for him. The rest of you avert your eyes.

If a tree has bark and a bear has a coat and a badger has hair and a goat likes the government then…People who work for the Government are a bunch of old goats who are mean as a grizzly, well shaved and their bark is worse than their bite.

Check back next week for more in the adventures of the shaving brainbuster. What you all doing for Halloween?

[avatar1999]

I would have guessed, but I had NO idea on that one And now having read the answer, there's no way I would have gotten that...I suck at riddles lol.

[CForrest]

Don't you call goat hair fleece? I thought you would work that in too!

[thebigspendur]

Don't you call goat hair fleece? I thought you would work that in too!

I didn't want to make it too difficult.

[Kees]

Don't you call goat hair fleece? I thought you would work that in too!

You city slicker! A fleece is the wool a sheep. Goats have no wool.