Thread: Thebigspendurs Weekly Shaving Brainbuster #37

Good morning shaving fiends

Well I walked into that courtroom and the jury box was filled with a bunch of no account animals. Boy did that place stink. Why there was the General and some horse and baaby and that big old Badger and the widow of that bear along with the cub who didn’t have a father because of the clan and then there were 6 people from the local insane asylum. Talk about a kangaroo court. I didn’t have a chance but I was prepared.

I told the judge this was the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of why those animals don’t understand nothing. Mr Sasquatch said he would translate. Festus was outside and had a bunch of animal feed and they got the scent and started a stampede out of the courtroom including the crazy people so the Judge had to put off the case.

After that we went over to Sue’s shop to get some vintage odds and ends we needed for the shop. By the time we got to the shop they already had problems. Someone gave the shaving chimp a copy of some old French Shaving Manual and he couldn’t figure it out and started tearing the manual up saying he didn’t need no stinking manual. They were all trying to calm him down, he was really waiving that big custom made 150/8s razor all over the place. Mr Sasquatch had to disarm him. I think Jethro decided he would give him some Valium every day before the shop opened to mellow him out.

They had the singing chimp dressed up in a tuxedo and we had found an old manually operated organ for him to grind and they put a chain around Festus’s neck and put a sailor’s outfit on him and had him dance as the chimp sang and used the organ.

Jethro never did get that brush he wanted so he collected some horse hair and made his own brush. I said I done heard that some could have anthrax how did you clean it? He said clean it? Why I just dunked it in some Dr Pepper that stuff will clean anything. Jethro also had trouble getting his order of soap so he just had Auntie make up some soap with extra Lye in it.

The State Inspector came in to do a final inspection of the place. He said the place was so full of violations it was easier to write down the acceptable stuff than the violations. As he left Mr Sasquatch escorted (har har) him out to his vehicle. The next thing I saw Mr Sasquatch was mounting a shiny new health permit up on the wall. Chee-Chee still didn’t want to give us a business permit so we had to promise him two free shaves each week and he approved us.

Auntie was in the back cooking up a storm. Yep there’s no one in the county who can cook up those rodents the way she can. I tell all of you if you had some of her mouse stew you’d be licking your chops for more. I think she was thinking of starting a web site to sell them but she doesn’t have a computer.

I tell you that shaving chimp looked really spiffy in his white barbers outfit. Cletus made him a custom holster for that massive razor he uses. Jethro was going over the shaving routine with him. Jethro decided to charge $15 for a complete shave. Baaby was charging $20 for her personal message and Auntie was selling her lunch special for $5.00.

Well on opening day we had a big celebration even a reporter for the local middle school newspaper showed up and the winner of last year’s Miss Hog Slopper competition was there. Auntie was giving away her moonshine and everyone got drunk and started fighting and Deputy Buttkiss had to subdue everyone just that this time he didn’t use his taser he used his rubber bullets.

I went inside the shop and there was the shaving chimp, why he was…

The shaving brainbuster for this week concerns things you should never do while shaving. Answer the following statements yes or no.

Do you drink spirits before shaving?
Do you hone your razor while eating a chocolate donut?
Can you shave with a straight while holding it with 2 hands?
How many Valium can you safely take before shaving with a straight?
Would you really let a Chimpanzee Shave you with a straight?
Check back on Friday for the answers.

Brilliant! I needed that.

Originally Posted by thebigspendur

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Do you drink spirits before shaving?
Do you hone your razor while eating a chocolate donut?
Can you shave with a straight while holding it with 2 hands?
How many Valium can you safely take before shaving with a straight?
Would you really let a Chimpanzee Shave you with a straight?
Check back on Friday for the answers.

Does drinking the night before count? And how about shaving with a hang-over?

I cannot hone and eat at the same time. The crumbs would fall on the hone and ruin the edge.

One hand only here but you can shave holding it with 2 hands: just watch Chimensch in his video when he does the ATG on his upper lip.

You can take as many diazepam tabl. you like before shaving. Just start shaving immediately after swallowing them. Before the diazepam is in your system you're done! Some shavers may have to use it to calm the tremor of their hands.

I am quite sure if you can dig up a video of a chimp shaving a human, but I would not let one shave me.

Originally Posted by Kees

One hand only here but you can shave holding it with 2 hands: just watch Chimensch in his video when he does the ATG on his upper lip.

Kees watched my video!!!!

Originally Posted by Chimensch

Kees watched my video!!!!

I watch all members' shaving videos. I enjoy the countless different ways of straight razor shaving. Occasionally I change the way I do things after seeing a video. I liked your sponge for wiping the latehr off the blade. I use my brush to whipe the lather off the blade.

If you hone while you eat the crumbs might add abrasive to the job but not a chocolate donut. Of course the chocolate might harden and act like bluing or eh browning to the metal and protect it.

It's OK to shave while you drink as a matter of fact dunk the blade in the spirits for safety and a real treat.

I knew someone who could shave with a straight with his toes holding the razor. Anyone remember the old T.V show "you asked for it"?

In the case of rookies shaving, Valium are required before the first shave. Just take one and call me in the morning.

As far as letting a chimp shave you only if it's the shaving chimp. Chimps are too high strung. They are like 2 year old humans.

Check back this weekend for another installment of this continuing agony. Your all stuck reading this stuff since I have to write it.