This is a great thread.
Cousin Festus makes a monthly trip to the big city and stops off at one of those burger places and gets some of that oil they give away. He swears the stuff works great as a preshave. His biggest problem is deciding which scent to use every day. Maybe the chicken nuggets or the french fries or the Apple Pies. All the animals on the ranch love it too.
The only problem is when he goes hunting it really attracts the game to him for an easy kill just that the Mountain Lion wasn't such a good deal. After it jumped him from behind and had a real hankering for those apple pies. A couple hundred stitches to his scalp and back and now he carries some fresh apple pie with him just in case.