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You are soooo right when lapping softer stones. Only "wet & dry" sandpaper, typically black can be used. 400 grit wet/dry is a staple that I use around the house, so it's normally my starting point...

You can use the DMT method or the sandpaper method. I used 400, then 600 grit sandpaper on a big chunk of granite that was cut out for a sink...before I had it, i simply used the countertop and care...