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Please try to hold back the obscene language :<0)

You might want to try pre-shave oils too. Some guys love it because it helps with the slick. I think your trying to get to as little equipment as...

I hope to god you find a good pro to hone and /or razor :<0)

You said, "I start my first pass with the grain which is not uncomfortable but it doesn't seem to take away much hair." which leads me to believe it's the razor. It shouldn't take 6 months of shaving...