Thread: Musing on the Soap...

or the Soaps response to Musing on the Razor.

Well… I know that it started out as a thought allowed to run its course just for the sake of a writing class and I thought I’d share it here. However, apparently, the times being as they are, I wasn’t prepared for the dogged response from soap demanding equal time. Now it is not in my nature to intentionally slight a given side of an issue, but I felt that I was not quite the person to relay the point of view of soap, so I tried to quietly bow away. But I think that my grandfather and great grandfather would not look kindly towards me not sharing with others the way they shared with me. Then there is also the fact that the soap would not relent. So in an effort to assist, here is the soap…

Note: Personally, I think that it’s more along the lines of a rant. Although, the soap might actually have a gripe.

Finally! Someone that listens to us. The razors get all the glory. They talk? Well of course they talk. We all do. But it seems like only the razors get heard. Just let one of them try to do their job without us. We do twice the amount of work as the razor, and some of us do three. I guess there are as many types of us as there is of them; and I suppose we range in ability from useless to the overvalued, just the same as them. But seriously? The razors wouldn’t be able to do their job without us. Ok… maybe a very select few might… might… be able and then only with the help of Masters. You just let one of those new guys try to shave without soap to ease the way. Hamburger.
Now let’s just put it like this. A guy gets into the shower and he uses one of my cousins to actually clean his face. That alone gets rid of any debris that could (heaven forbid) damage the razors edge. And that’s where the process starts. So now this guy gets out of the shower and is preparing to shave and what’s he do? If he’s smart, he gets me out and mixes up a fine froth of bubbles. And that’s another thing. We can all make bubbles, but only certain kinds of us can make what you need to shave. Now some of my brothers think an awful lot of themselves and they get the job done, but each to their own. I’m a bit more of the “run of the mill” type. I make my bubbles, and I can hold my liquid with the best of them and that’s what you really need.

Sorry. I started off on a tangent there. You mustn’t let me run off like that.

So, this guy has got this nice bunch of my bubbles mixed up and goes to smearing it on his face. Now this is a something we soaps don’t really talk about. When we get smeared on like that, it doesn’t really do anything. The guy has to take his time and really work those bubbles around. Sort of like he’s trying to rub it in. See, those bubbles we make hold water against the skin and hair and the hair starts to soak it up. So after a couple of minutes, our guy takes a wet hot towel and lays it over his face and soaks up the bubbles. Between our cousin in the shower, this first round of bubbles, and the warmth from the towel, we’ve got the start of making things easy for the… razor. The guy is ready to put on the second coat of bubbles. Now the idea of a coat is pretty appropriate considering what they do. They help protect the skin from the… razor… as well as making things slick so the razor can slide. They also hold the moisture in the hair. And yes, I have to admit that some of my brothers are lazy and don’t hold their liquid as long as some of us. You just have to find some of my more reputable brothers that can hold their water longer. There are even some who also have a bit extra in them that help leave the skin softer even after the razor has finished.
So don’t let those… razors… whisper in your ear and fool you into thinking that they’re the end all of shaving. They may cut the hair, but that’s all they do. Speaking for all of my brothers, sisters, and cousins; Thank you for your support.

I love this! Proof positive that anthropomorphism is alive and well here at SRP!
Seriously, you presented a very viable argument here, Toymkr: specifically, that a good shave is indeed a team effort.
Love the nod to Bartles and James!
When will the strops chime in?

Maple, you are ABSOLUTELY no help at all. I’ll have you know that we are almost 24 hrs now since the soap had its say and I have not heard a single sound from the strops. You know that they do tend to stay a bit stiff in their demeanor until you get to know them though. I am, however, quite sure that with the soap fluffin’ up the works, one of them is ‘gonna want to have their opinion heard. I’m actually more surprised that I haven’t heard from the brushes considering how prickly they are.

All of this is by way of saying that you don’t really have to stir the pot…lol… I mean seriously!
This is all Parker’s fault anyway. He’s the one who openly admitted that the razors talk and now it seems that they all might want to be heard.

Well, you gotta stroke those strops to get anything out of them. It's all a handjob with those guys!
As far as the brushes go, well, badgers aren't exactly the friendliest creatures out there, boars neither for that matter. When they do express themselves it tends to be rather terse and abrupt.
What I dread is listening to the aftershaves and colognes -- flowery language filled with self-aggrandizement!

And hear I was, thinking that you just didn't understand the position that I'm being put in...

I can see the movie now! All the two of you need do is work in the Man-eating Zombie Yard Gnomes and the cast will be complete. I had to stop laughing before I could type this little bit! you two are hillarious!

OldSoldier.... You really are not helping. You have to understand my position. Giving them delusions of grandure by suggesting a movie? Now that just going to far. I walked into the bathroom this morning and it was like walking into a "lively discussion" in the House of Lords in London. Everyone trying to be heard at once. You, Sir, definately stirred a hornets nest.

"HEY! I'm a strop, an' I'm gettin' pretty sick'n'tired of those dadblasted razors hoggin' all the glory! Those guys are real wimps, if'n you ask me. It's 'Oooh, my edge's out of alignment' or 'My pins are too loose' or 'Do these scales make me look fat?" -- what babies! We strops are always gettin' the raw end of the deal. First thing most of you do to us is give us an Indian rub like a Reno 'lady of the evening' looking for her $5! Then you take a crybaby razor and drag it all across our bodies, and usually cut us to ribbons w/it! And when that happens, what do you do? You rub a rock on the wound!!! And when you're finished with us, you hang us by the neck in some dadburn closet!"
--A Strop

Maple… you see what happens. You let somebody say their piece and now everybody has to have a say. Now the strops are wanting to release an official statement that is a little less… umm… abrasive. I guess it’ll be toward the end of the week before they’re ready though.

And here I thought the brushes would end up being first.

I'm the scuttle and you guys (the soap and the brush) dump all your problems on me and then you quarrel over my head, driving me fuming hot! I have to hear the razor and the strop have at it before and after, and that's exhausting. I'll just stand in my corner quietly listening and slowly cooling off.