Thread: What's your preference for a wedding, casual and quiet or formal followed by loud?

Yeah, as hirlau says, this is a question of attending and not holding. I don't know what people like to hold, but my wife and I had relatively informal and only 50 guests. The reception was held at a B&B, so nowhere to dance, but there was music. I'm not a huge fanatic of "tradition" and needing to create some sort of obligation.

BIL is getting married and they're debating the same things. Fortunately (in my view), they're smart enough to know that they're "getting married" and not "having a wedding", if you know what I mean. They understand the former is more important than the latter. I think they're getting pressure from other family members to ramp up the size.

When I got married, my dad's sisters were pissed because he was from a family of 9 kids and they felt entitled to be taken to a wedding. That's a mentality I won't understand ever, if someone says a wedding is too small for me to be invited, I cheer. His (my dad's) sisters pushed him to the point that he was asking me to increase the size of the wedding and he'd pay the extra cost for the sisters. I told him to tell them that I made the guest list and there wasn't room for more, and it wasn't brought up again after about the third time. I personally thought it was kind of a tactless thing to do to lobby to be invited to something, all other issues notwithstanding.

So, anyway, I brought this up because I know most people are too polite to say anything about ...well, really anything. So they get dragged to a wedding ceremony and reception that is 10 hours long and leaves your ears ringing, and nobody says anything about it. It also burns up an entire day for everyone, which I think is presumptuous.

When we were planning our wedding nothing was making any sense for us. We didn't have a huge guest list and neither of us had the enthusiasm for any of the logistical headaches. I hadn't said anything because the wedding is traditionally the brides concept and idea. So when she suggested that it just be the two of us in Vegas I knew I was marrying the right woman. And that's what we did. We found a tasteful chapel without an Elvis, stayed at a great hotel, and dined at some really nice restaurants. Every time I tell other people about it I hear over and over how they wish they would have done the same because they didn't enjoy their wedding that much due to the hassle and it put them in the poor house before they were even married. It's probably not for everyone but it was perfect for us. We still go back almost every year after having had so much fun getting married there. No major planning, no guest lists, no fighting with family over every little detail. A limo picked us up, we were married, took some photos, and was back having champagne at the hotel about an hour later. Done.

Originally Posted by OCDshaver

No major planning, no guest lists, no fighting with family over every little detail. A limo picked us up, we were married, took some photos, and was back having champagne at the hotel about an hour later. Done.

I think that was a much better option. A wedding should be about the marriage of TWO people, not a massive production for the entertainment of others.

The only disagreement I have is with your lack of Elvis! I am hoping that I can arrange for my wife and me to renew our vows on our 15th anniversary and would love for it to be done in Vegas with Elvis!

I guess informal is way more fun ,, I don't what mine qualified as, we had a wedding at our favorite bike rally , 160 bikes in the procession, and over 370 at the reception and lots of bands as we cruised to all the concerts that night at the rally ,, so I guess ours was a big wedding with small informal atmosphere!!! tc p.s were still going after 37 years and still go to the same rally as its on our anniversary

That is freakin' awesome.
Congrats to you!

My wedding was the wife and me on holiday at Lake Tahoe, no witnesses, no guests, no party.
I can't even recall what we had for diner afterwards.

We didn't want the atmosphere of a wedding party where all your time is spent for other people, and we didn't want spend the kind of money normally associated with weddings. We were saving up for getting a mortgage so that we could get a lower interest rate, and a wedding party was not good for that. We did have diner with our parents when we got home, as they didn't know we were getting married and they had never met before.

Still going stronger than ever after 14 years of marriage.
I have the impresison that the more importance is put on the wedding, the higher the chances that the actual marriage will fail.