Thread: How smart is your wife/girlfriend ?? Does she ask mind numbingly stupid questions??

My wife and I are both dyslexic, misunderstandings are a daily issue. Last year we decided to get counciling for communication. We are both english only readers and speakers, but she has a HUGE vocabulary advantage over me and that gets us both in trouble at times. I say the word I think is right and she hears what that word is suposed to mean on many different levels and tends to pick the one that has nothing to do with what I'm talking about. So ya I feel like "Sam" at times :P

The counseling is working wonders as it has given us tools to use that help keep everything on track. We have words that we can use that both of us understand as only one thing, "Stop please, I'm not understanding this" if ether one of us says this we stop what we are doing and find a better way to explain it. Works for us.

I hope you find the right path for yourself.

This book has been very helpful in my family for understanding differences between us.

When you get down to it no one knows anyone very well ---- this is evident to me when even talking to good buds I've known for a long time. As for as the communication thing, I've found out that with people in general what is said by one person is rarely recieved by another in the intended manner. I catch myself doing this all the time ---adding extra meaning and implications to spoken words as they get filtered through my brain --- sometimes people do just mean what they say and nothing else.

And of course this is all amplified with female/male interactions --to me trying to understand a women is like trying to defuse a bomb when the colors of the wires are constantly changing. But maybe that's one of the fallacies of modern male/female relationships that we have to understand each other-- what about "Vive la difference"
For the most part I remember my grandfather (and father for that matter) just excepting the differences ---- I'm sure it wasn't perfect but these things never are.

Personally, I hope men and women never stop having these issues ---- I don't care to live in a homogenized female/male neutral neutered world -----even though it might be simplier.

Justin

Solution: rolled-up newspaper.

From ready your subsequent posts, it appears that you have calmed a bit; which is a good. There is a saying that I think is not only very good but apropos: "As a tempers increases, intelligence decreases."

Rational decision making is not to be had in the heat of a fight with your significant other.

If the communicating about how to send a fax is leading you towards divorce then there appears to be other issues at play here. If you love your wife and really do want to be with her, take the suggestion of another member and go off for a weekend together and talk. Lay it all out there or you will have the same argument repeatedly for the rest of your life. It is amazing what a little listening to the other side can do for a situation like this.

Take care.

Jeff

Originally Posted by Jfala

Rational decision making is not to be had in the heat of a fight with your significant other.

Jeff

It's not about fights.
It's about not being so ignorant, and about takin my damn advice if she is going to be so dependant on me.

Don't ask me a question and then argue over the answer I give you, especially when you know I'm smarter than you, and you have no idea what the hell you're talking about

Fax went through fine BTW.

Like the issue of cutting the baby's hair.

She asks if we should cut her hair so it will grow thicker.

How the hell does that work?
If you cut the end of a rope, another rope isn't going to appear.
It's not going to get longer.
Cutting an inch off the end doesn't affect the root.

If you want to cut her hair just cut it, don't tell me you wish you could cut ti so it would be thicker.

That's the kind of crap I'm talking about. Little Miss-information. If it hasn't been on Oprah she has no idea.

I have a 157 IQ. She treats me like I'm some kind of dumb shit.

While we were talking about insurance she added that it would be nice to have full coverage on her car.
Fine.
Since you are so smart honey, do you want to pay more for a better(I didn't say lower so as not to give her a hint) a better deductible and if so what sort of number did you have in mind??

Her reply....
$15,000 ????

This woman is 27 years old, there is no reason why I should have to hold her hand all the time.
and even less reason why she should talk down to me.

So let me rephrase my question.

How do you deal with ignorant people talking down to you? (assuming you live with them and can't ignore them)

Wow......lot of good advice here, GW....personally, I promised myself that I would never.....EVER....give ANYONE advice on a relationship, much less a marriage. My personal opinion is that whatever it takes for any two people to get along and maintain a marriage/relationship/partnership is fair game....and what works for one couple might not and probably won't work for another. So, that being said,since I was specifically called out by name, I'm more that happy to talk about MY relationship with MY wife, as long as it is clearly understood that this isn't a recomendation, an admonition, nothing but MY experiences.

Originally Posted by GW

I'm waiting for Lou on this one since his wife is from overseas. Should be indicative of how much is a language barrier.

I should point out...my wife was born in Thailand, raised in Cambodia.....I'm 55, she's 52 and we've been married for 11 years - she has 3 kids from a previous marriage, I'd never been married before.
People often ask me "How is it being in a mixed marriage....is the language difference a problem?" I always point out that, rather than a 'problem', I think for us it has been an advantage....we both spend so much time making sure that the other one understands what we are saying that we don't have time for the word games, innuendo and sarcasm that so often seem to be a part of marital 'spats'...plus, we both enjoy the occasional misunderstanding and laugh it off. That being said, I know for a fact that some things that were done intentionally were subsequently passed-off as English misunderstandings...but nothing worth going to the mats for.

Originally Posted by GW

She asks " Who do I fax it to?"

me " Whatever number they give you when you call. "

her " Yeah, but who do I fax it to? "

me " I'm sure they'll give you a name. "

her " Who'll give me a name? "

I also know that for Jumpee (my wife) speaking English on the telephone is the most daunting thing - she can't key off the facial expressions, body language...all of the visual clues are gone...it's only English through a telephone....she hates talking to strangers on the telephone, and any kind of an accent (actually, I guess I should say 'Any accent different than my midwestern North American' accent) and she just give up....she has friends married to Brits and Aussies, and when she speaks English to them (with their husbands accents) she complains that they're not speaking English!

FWIW – I don’t know how well your wife speaks English, but I’ve heard from professional linguists that you can get along quite well with a 10% comprehension rate….that’s understanding every 10th word! It’s all in context, body language and facial expression.

Originally Posted by GW

She wants to buy a house.

I want to wait till around the end of the year.
Our collective credit scores are going up(I have a student loan coming out of default among other things)
We are borderline subprime (680) and there is all kinds of turmoil in that area right now.
I think the stock market is headed for a correction, moderate economic downturn.
That will be even better for buyers.

She understands none of this. All she knows is that she wants a house.

In my wife’s southeast Asian background, if you wanted a house, you went out and bought some land and built a house…no mortgages, no borrowing money, no interest rates…none of that nonsense…you just went out and bought some wood, hired some of the local neighborhood guys and built a house…no planning…no inspectors….no building permits…..all I want is a HOUSE! She STILL can’t believe the rigamarole, red tape and general bureaucratic BS that you have to go through…so, when we bought our house, I made sure that she attended EVERY meeting, and helped fill out every form so she would at least appreciate the process, if not understand it all. BTW – she told me she never wants to buy another house again! This one is just fine.

Originally Posted by GW

She is stable, has two jobs, her own car, a BS degree, good relationship with her parents, is able to save money, has no vices, speaks three languages, seems like she would make a good mother, asian women don't cheat, and she is very pretty to boot.

Sounds good right? I could do worse.

Yes…..you could do worse….much, much worse…..the mind boggles at how much worse you could do! I’ve got a buddy that’s married to the biggest….well, don’t get me started. Just trust me on this one…YOU COULD DO WORSE!!!

I’ll close with one of my favorite stories…..after Jumpee’s first solo trip to the grocery store, she asked me
‘What’s Food Cake?’
‘Food Cake?? I’ve never heard of ‘foodcake’
They have at store…..foodcake.
So, the next time we’re at the grocery store, she grabs me by the arm, drags me over to the bakery section, and there’s this whole table, stacked high with individually wrapped and marked

Angel
Food Cake

Foodcake…I love it.

In summary, GW, my attitude is to shrug off the little stuff…for me, the plusses WAAAY outweigh the minuses, and I’m so glad she and the kids are in my life now that I can’t even comprehend considering the alternative.

YMMV - and, evidently does!

-whatever

-Lou

Sorry to take the post off topic, but when was your IQ tested? I've been doing research regarding some studies from the late 90's about the test. I'd like to know , if at all possible, the type of job you currently hold. You can send a PM if you find I'm not being too intrusive. Time of Test, Current Age, Position Held and thats it. Sorry to interrupt.

Originally Posted by scarface

" I always point out that, rather than a 'problem', I think for us it has been an advantage....we both spend so much time making sure that the other one understands what we are saying that we don't have time for the word games, innuendo and sarcasm that so often seem to be a part of marital 'spats'...plus, we both enjoy the occasional misunderstanding and laugh it off. That being said, I know for a fact that some things that were done intentionally were subsequently passed-off as English misunderstandings...but nothing worth going to the mats for.





FWIW – I don’t know how well your wife speaks English, but I’ve heard from professional linguists that you can get along quite well with a 10% comprehension rate….that’s understanding every 10th word! It’s all in context, body language and facial expression.
she told me she never wants to buy another house again! This one is just fine.


-Lou

She speaks english VERY well, it's taught as almost a first language in the Philipines.
They all learn it in school, at least in the developed areas, one of which she is from.
Her accent is slight and she has been here for around 6 years.

We do have the occasional "haha look what you said",
but we also have Sam Kinison screaming
" MARLBORO !! MARLBORO !! SMOKY SMOKY !! YOU DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!! HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET THIS JOB??? "




You know, over the years I've developed a neat little mechanism for dealing with people I don't want to hear. I just voice over Charlie Brown's teacher in place of their words and it's nice, like an old samurai movie.

Waa waa wa wa waaa waaa

GWH,

I think you and I could swap a few stories, my wife is a Philly also, and we to at times have a difference of opinion, but we do laugh about it later though after the heat of the moment. She I might add is the hot headed one in this relationship, I'm the dumb ass laid back Aussie.

Cheers
John