Thread: Our friend Steve

Consider this. If the situation was reversed and you were in Joan's place, is there anything she could have done that you would not forgive her for...had already forgiven her for? My dear friend, I beg you to let that go. Trust me, you did not cause this.

I hope she goes peacefully of her own accord but if not i have been assured that ceasing her dialysis is the best thing that can be done for her.

She would feel nothing her toxins would slowly build until she went to sleep forever.

I need time, I hope I'm man enough - somehow i think i will have to for her sake but it will be the worst thing i have had to do in my life.

Have you ever stood in the grocery store crying like a baby in front of everyone?

Joan is going to meet god for sure, it has to be for her sake but i went into Freshco super market this afternoon for a few bits, it strange buying for one, anyway the bill wasn't big, $75.

I had plenty of money and had no problem paying but the lady behind me said "I'll pay for that, Happy Christmas". I said no, I told her i had money, she said she was paying it forward and she was paying.
I was speechless, really, I was so touched today of all days.

I couldn't stop crying, they must of thought there was something wrong with me - there is i suppose.

I told her about Joan and I am sorry i embarrassed her.

My God what an incredible thing, never heard of that before.

I cant believe it today of all days.

I hope she has a good life, she of all people deserves it.

My best to you too Mike. Loosing family at this time of year makes it a little harder. My mother pasted around this time. Both of you be strong.

You didn't make her have a stroke. If she were still there she would probably scold you or tease you for saying so, am I right? You are looking for somebody to blame for this awful thing and you can't find anyone, so you are blaming yourself, but there is no fault and no blame, it is just part of the frailty of the human life. If you were a horrible person you would not be able to feel the crushing sorrow you feel now. Guilt is one of the most counterproductive of all emotions and nobody who loves us wants us to feel it with as much depth as you are right now. You are kind of stuck with the sorrow. It goes hand in hand with loving someone or something that must one day leave this world, but the guilt you don't need. You need to lay that aside. You did nothing to earn it.

It sounds like she is no longer there with you, only her body. Now, you only have one last responsibility to her, one final duty. When you feel the time is right, do what you must do. There is no "killing" happening. This is just another page in the book and we don't get to read Volume II until it is our turn to go, too.

Meanwhile here on this Earth, you are never really dead as long as there are people who are still thinking of you. Think of the good stuff, the happy times. You both gave the best parts of your lives to each other and now you have to carry on but the memories will sustain. May God help you through this time of sorrow.

I got a cop at my house last night, rey say its too much and they think i might hurt myself, don't know who called them but i was in the hospital for 4 hours and there coming back tonight.

Better have a damn warrant this time or they can shout through the letter box.

My guess would be someone at the hospital. It's their legal obligation to call if they think someone is a danger to themselves or others. At least it's that way in the US. I'm sure it's so there too.

You are truly in a very tough situation but one many have found themselves to be in and with some help and support I'm sure you will get through this.

When my dad died he was bedridden with a breathing tube in him and there was no recovery. His only option was a respirator, a nursing home, a feeding tube and no speech and zero quality of life. He was able to make the decision and it was to withdraw the breathing tube. My brother and I had pretty much decided that was the best course. It was tough, very tough.

He had a long healthy life living to 99 but saying goodbye is never easy. When my turn comes I hope I can make the right decision.

Originally Posted by STF

I got a cop at my house last night, rey say its too much and they think i might hurt myself, don't know who called them but i was in the hospital for 4 hours and there coming back tonight.

Better have a damn warrant this time or they can shout through the letter box.

I am inclined to agree with you that it is none of their dam business, but their underlying motives are probably good. Why not invite them in for a beer or some coffee? Once they see you aren't ready for a rubber room and an I-love-myself coat, they will probably go away and never bother you again. Of course I could be wrong. I don't know how they do stuff in Canada. But there is no point in getting mad at them. They are doing what you and all the other voters and taxpayers are paying them to do.

Being cops, probably the more you resist and protest, the more stubbornly they will want to gain complete control over the situation, up to breaking down your door and rushing in with guns drawn, which I always thought was a pretty stupid and ironic way to deal with someone that they fear might want to harm himself. They always have to "win". It's "good police work". You just want them to go away and leave you alone, or at least talk to you like a normal human being, right? If they are likely to come in anyway by force, maybe inviting them in will put them off balance and take away their steam. Do you have a lawyer who can advise you on what they can or will do? And I think maybe you could use some professional advocacy in this matter, as much as I hate lawyers. IMHO all lawyers suck except Perry Mason but sometimes they are a necessary evil in this world that we have allowed them to create for us.

Originally Posted by CrescentCityRazors

I am inclined to agree with you that it is none of their dam business, but their underlying motives are probably good. Why not invite them in for a beer or some coffee? Once they see you aren't ready for a rubber room and an I-love-myself coat, they will probably go away and never bother you again. Of course I could be wrong. I don't know how they do stuff in Canada. But there is no point in getting mad at them. They are doing what you and all the other voters and taxpayers are paying them to do.

Being cops, probably the more you resist and protest, the more stubbornly they will want to gain complete control over the situation, up to breaking down your door and rushing in with guns drawn, which I always thought was a pretty stupid and ironic way to deal with someone that they fear might want to harm himself. They always have to "win". It's "good police work". You just want them to go away and leave you alone, or at least talk to you like a normal human being, right? If they are likely to come in anyway by force, maybe inviting them in will put them off balance and take away their steam. Do you have a lawyer who can advise you on what they can or will do? And I think maybe you could use some professional advocacy in this matter, as much as I hate lawyers. IMHO all lawyers suck except Perry Mason but sometimes they are a necessary evil in this world that we have allowed them to create for us.

You make a lot of sense.
Today at the hospital i cried at a social worker, when i got home i cried on the phone to a nurse that specialized in emotional support apparently and an hour later i received a call fro a palliative care doctor, to answer questions and check on me.

I am expecting a visit from the police social worker tonight accompanied by a cop.

Tomorrow some therapist is going to see me when i visit Joan.

Why cant i just be left alone to deal with this.

The palliative care doctor said its not my fault, he is completely wrong, it all my fault.

I was mean to her, I even told her I would leave, I am a terrible terrible person.

she has cardiac myopithy which is also known as broken heart syndrome, I did this, i cant say I'm sorry and it's killing me.

I can't live alone, i have a 5 bedroom house with 2 kitchens.

I feel like a pea in a tin can the way i rattle around here. i talk to myself which is ok but i answer and have real conversations with myself.

No one will understand and i don't expect you too but i have started talking to a lady, I'm know Joan's alive but we talked about it a while ago and she told me I cant be alone, to find a nice girl.

Joan is not there, if she doesn't go to see her Mom before the New Year i will make the hardest decision in my life, i don't want to, I don't think I'm strong enough.

God i should go to hell but I feel calmer talking to her and i feel there might be a point to carry on.

You are all welcome to tell me how bad i am, that i don't care about Joan, its OK i deserve it but i feel less like going with her to show her where heaven is now.

Like i say, no one will understand and your welcome to tell me how bad i am, i probably deserve it but i hid nothing and she is supportive.

No, your acting like most folks in your situation do. They try to find some meaning in what is happening and decide it must have been something they did or said and then they can beat themselves up over it.

In reality it has nothing to do with you. It's a medical issue due to who knows what.

Folks are trying to help you. Accept their help and don't destroy yourself.