Thread: Our friend Steve

Yes Steve. Accept the help. No one can help you if you won't help yourself by being willing to be helped. All through the entirety of our lives we whistle past the graveyard in denial of death, all the while knowing that life is temporary. Everyone has an end out there lurking, waiting for us to reach our clock's final tick. Regardless of what happens with Joan yours has not come yet. Pain is part of life and we either accept it, heal and let life go on or we can let it destroy us. No matter which way we choose the emphasis is on the "let." You choose which way you go. You do not have to blame yourself. You do not have to race out and find someone else. You can be the master of the things you can control. You can't control Joan having a stroke. Sorry, but that is above your pay grade. You can, however control how you handle it. It's okay to feel pain and even guilt in the proper time. Now is the time for you to be there for Joan. Pull yourself together and be there for her. If those last 20 years you mention mean anything to you then you will honor them by being there for her. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but as your friend I have to tell you the truth and that is the truth. I love you brother, let us help you, let doctors and nurses and social workers and cops help you... PLEASE.

i have made the hardest decision of my life

Joan is having her final dialysis in the morning.

She will taken of all life sustaining measures except oxygen

They expect her to last maybe 2 days

i dont want her to die alone with strangers

she will be home tomorrow afternoon

she will be in her own house, in he own bedroom and she wont be alone

I have been warned that this will be hard, that i will be awake for as long as she is with me to give her pain meds, and keep her comfortable, they arent oral because she can't swallow

whatever, i will do what it takes so she can go in her own bedroom with the man she loves, that loves her.

she wont be alone and she wont go in a hospital with strangers


Any way she wont see christmas so i am going to tell her its Chritmas on Friday, she wont know its not, she wont understand me but Friday is Christmas Day and it will be from now on

She will get her last Christmas

i wanted to tell someone, i dont know when i can post next

happy Christmas to all of you

.
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Tough decision, tough road ahead.
You have done the right thing for her.
I wish you better days.

Steve,
I am so sorry to hear this. I have the deepest sympathy for you. We here in my home and church family will continue to send prayers for peace for you both. Make sure to talk to her. People who have had near death experiences all say that they are aware of themselves and their loved ones as their soul leaves their body. Even if this were not so it should prove cathartic for you. Hold on to God's promises and know that He will not let you be alone if you seek Him.

You have done the right thing Steve. Stay strong and my thoughts are with you.

she is on the way home
oxygen is here and runnin the hospital bed has our sheets on it
I have got turkey gravy, they said as long as i squeeze liquid out so it doesnt go into her lung i can swab her tongue and let her taste her her favourite thing, tomato juice turkey gravy because tomorrow is Christmas day
even some wine

just to swab her tongue

Let her get the taste

any way anytime now, nurses doctors psw respitaory theepist are all coming psw 4 times a day even an eshift lady that sits all night so i can try to rest, she can give pain meds and wake me if anything happens.

i have to say, im impressed and im not in the mood to get impressed easily

I have never heard of tomato juice turkey gravy.

We are having a turkey for christmas and I will have to look that up!

Originally Posted by 32t

I have never heard of tomato juice turkey gravy.

We are having a turkey for christmas and I will have to look that up!

lol missed the comma

This is the hardest thing I've ever done, she's asleep for a few minutes and then i am back to holding her hand so she doesn't rip her central line out, she has got most of the dressing off and is she succeeds i will spend hours applying pressure to stop the flood of blood
my god im tired
i have both ears open for when she wakes, I tried to tie her hand down but i felt like such a terrible person I untied it again.

If she woke up and recognized me or pointed at the tv i would do this for as many years at it takes gladly.

Oh no shes snoring and that will wake her up, gottta go

her oxygen is going down, she is going, fuck what can i do, she canr go, Im nothing without her