Thread: Sobering Events in Your Life

I've been thinking about this post I'm now writing for for the past month and a half. It is not being written to elicit any level of sympathy but to make you, the reader hopefully, more aware of family dynamics and to hope you will take a look at your life at this time and to heal any discord growing in your family.

My eldest, a woman of good intellect, and an international reputation for her work, started to show signs of a debilitating condition about two years ago. We frequently talked via telephone when she would be on a late afternoon walk (for her - she lives in Indiana and I am in Oregon) and slowly, over time, her condition surfaced heavily in our conversation. Despite a strong support group and access to excellent therapy via a major University where she lives it developed to where she could not phone me anymore. Then came the phone call no parent ever wanted to hear. My son-in-law called me early in January that her condition had developed to where she became confused and frustrated with daily life and started to act out violently. He told me he had put her in a nursing home for her safety. She has an advanced case of Aphasia and has become but a whisper of herself.

My youngest son immediately booked travel for himself and me and we saw her mid-January. She did not recognize us the first day we visited. On the next day, our presence became familiar, to a point, and she reacted favorably. She is diminished both mentally and physically and paces the nursing home hallways endlessly. She vaguely knew who I was and on an outside walk, she let me hold her hand. Later that day we had lunch with her, my son, my son-in-law, and some friends of theirs who have been a strong support for them. It was a wide-ranging talk and past family events surfaced there was one where, out of the blue she said, in a strong voice that showed no signs of impairment, "I remember that!" and then reverted to her current condition. Many little triggers give one false hope that this pernicious condition will reverse itself and she will be her old self again. There is no reversal.

When we left to return to Oregon my son told me that it would be useless to say goodbye to her since she would not remember we were even there. He has had 18 years of how to handle a similar situation with an adopted at-birth daughter who has severe epilepsy and is mentally challenged as a result. Needless to say, he is my anchor in all this. I am told the progress of this condition is six to twelve years and she is now three years into it. I am at an advanced age where I am thinking of what legacy I will be leaving for my children and there is one sobering thought that keeps coming to the fore, that of the event of one of your children passing before you do. I am sure to most of us this is as unnatural as it can get.

What I am trying to say is that please take a moment to look over your life and to take a moment or two to tell your kids, regardless of age or level in life, that you love them and care for them even if they are fully grown adults.