Thread: The joy of Children

Originally Posted by khaos

I know....
Apparently the woman who found me fixing my mess went hysteric, and my parents didn't know whether to laugh cry or be angry....

Surely that's the time to just laugh. You were, after all, just trying to fix your mess.

Lee, I think that at a certain point, they'll look back and think "man, I was a dickhead and dad was just trying to help/do what he thought was right." Sometimes I look back and wonder how I'm still alive, then realize that it's so that I can suffer through it with my own kids one day.

I listened to a program on NPR the other day (this American life)
and the narrator was talking about how you view your parents when you're older.

He pointed out (and I've found this to be true) that much of the time your parents aren't even the same people any more.

So you hated your dad when you were 15?
but by the time you are 40, he isn't the same guy you used to hate

I have found this to be true with my parents
there was a time when I did hate them, and with good reason

but now they are older
they are both remarried
and they have both changed drastically from they people they once were

my father is very quiet and has the look of a man defeated by life
yet he seems to have made more progress in the last 4 years than ever before

my mother is as strong as ever and married her high school sweetheart and bosses him about
he is truly a nice man
(but wouldn't have made a good father either due to his prior alcoholism)

I'll look for that radio piece
it was very thoughtful

Originally Posted by jockeys

the last time I was guilt tripped into watching my nephews (all 4 at once, for an entire 4 day weekend!) I decided to retaliate by utilizing that very same phenomenon.

needless to say, their extremely religious mother wasn't amused to find out that I had used the parrot principle combined with operant conditioning by giving them candy to reinforce certain behaviors.

namely, throwing up the horns and yelling "hail satan!" whenever they heard rock music of any kind. she had a hell of a time undoing that.

I'm not asked to babysit anymore I've decided I shouldn't have children as long as I view them as pets.

Good for you Jockey's, that's F&%king awesome!

here is that radio piece I mentioned earlier

this isn't the sort of thing I would normally link to
this came off NPR (actually my daughter and I sit and listen to NPR shows on the weekend)

the first two parts are the best

"Dad never sent a tape back"
and
"Don't be like your uncle Abie"

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/Radi...spx?sched=1302

EDIT
fixed the link sort of
you still have to push play though

I can't even believe this myself! My telephone rang an hour ago and it was the other ex-stepdaughter! She was 13 when I last saw her and she just turned thirty last week. She told me she had been thinking about me and she remembers some of the dishes I used to cook for them. She thanked me for her love of cooking! She told me she'd like to meet my girlfriend and introduce me to her husband and two daughters.

Crap my eyes are welling with tears. I am stunned.

it goes to show it is worth the time we spend. there are so many times I'm SOOO tired and not in the mood and just want to relax. sometimes I let it get the best of me and tell my 3yo we're going to watch cartoons. I try hard though to make the most of the time and do things she wants to do. I have lots of funny stories but none are popping into my head at the moment, next one that happens I'll put up though. my 18 just started talking a bit, that's a great stage. she brought her little sandals to me a couple mornings ago, backed up to my legs (that's her way of getting ready for you to pick her up) and when I had sat her on my lap and put them on she looked at me and said "go". like "I'm ready, come on!". I cracked up, but unfortunately I was going to work and she staying home.

3yo is getting good at the no diaper thing. couple weeks ago in a restaurant, with some colleagues from out of town, she comes out of bathroom and real loud says,"daddy I go poo poo in the big potty!" I smiled and said,"everybodys really happy for you."

Ice, I'm glad for you. It sounds like from the way you started the first conversation you didn't expect it was going to go that way. You must have done good by both of them.

Ben, yes, when you have kids you do things you never would have imagined!!!! I have had things on my hands, clothes etc. I never would have expected. I am so glad that neither of my girls was the projectile vomit type. and both are actually really really tough when sick. never see adults put up with it as good as those two girls. just awesome.

Red

Ice, things are cyclical. You do good it comes back. Your karma wheel doesn't seem to have a flat spot where your step kids are concerned. That means you did good.

Red, I have same problem when I get home with my 4yo. I do my best, but after a 1hr ride to work and 1 hr ride home, plus work, I am spent and it takes everything I have to get through the evening. We started something though that actually serves two purposes.

At night before he goes to bed instead of reading to my kid I make up stories for him. Just 15 or 20 minutes stories. I try to make a moral story one that he can relate to. Last night I told the story of the "Clean Monster and the mommy that warned Johnny about it". Johnny's mom asked him for weeks to clean his room because of the clean monster. Johnny wouldn't clean it. Then one day as he was climbing a particular high pile of toys and clothes a large green hairy hand reached up and started to drag Johnny down. Johnny was up to his neck before he promised to clean his room so that the monster wouldn't come back. Over the next few days he cleaned and cleaned and all that was left of the monster was a yellow finger nail. Johnny did not want the monster to come back. Johnny was very proud of job that he had done and so was his mom and dad. He even showed his aunts and uncles his room and how proud he was to keep it that way.

Hopefully I have planted a seed that I can use for a couple of years. Clean your room or the clean monster will come out and grab you.

It is funny how the older one thanked me for her love of art and nature while the younger thanked me for her love of music and cooking. Neither one mentioned they like to work hard or study mathmatics. You would think they were apples from my tree.

Originally Posted by icedog

You would think they were apples from my tree.

That's because they are.

Tru Dat.

Just because they are not "yours" doesn't mean they aren't yours.