Thread: Some parents need a can of whoop-ass

Some people....

Today was my daughter's birthday party for her class (last year of kindergarten, she turned 6) and she had invited all girls of her class, 5 boys, and 1 boy who moved to a differnt city last year, but who is still the love of her life (so cute...)

Everything was fine, the weather was lovely and we were at an animal farm / playground. All kids had a great time except for 1 girl. We noticed that she didn't really play but just drifted around by herself. My wife kept an eye on her. The problem was that she had spent a week or so sleeping over with someone else, and had just gotten back to her mother. And she missed her mother.

Fair enough, that can happen. The bigger problem was that the mom had dropped her off at the party and then stuck around together with a friend. Anyone who has kids knows that the only thing you can do if your kid is crying (because she does not want you to go) is to just go as soon as she is in good hands. To stick around is just prolonging the parting anxiety.

The mother told my wife that she would leave an hour later or so. Which is stupid, because as long as she stayed, the kid was miserable. Ok, I can even understand that she wanted to catch up with a friend and did not want to leave immediately. But what really freaked me out was that the girl kept drifting towards her mom, and she was crying and miserable, and the mom just told her to go away.
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This, to me, is incomprehensible. Especially since I know that girl and she is not usually a cry baby. So I did the only thing I could do (well, the only productive thing...) and picked up the girl, trying to soothe her. After a while she stopped crying and I tried to get her to do something (look at the animals, play with the other girls, ...). In the end I could persuade her to make a drawing with me. So we started drawing and I managed to take her mind off her mother (Despite being a grumpy cynic I am actually very good with kids)

And then her mother walked by our table (fussing over he other daughter who was walking around), and put us back to square one because the girl started crying again. Sigh. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Eventually I had cheered her up again, helped her with her pancake, and took her to the animal grounds to look at the baby goats. My main reason for going there was that it was out of sight of the mother. I spent an hour, playing with her and keeping her occupied, until the mother finally had left. Predictably, as soon as the mother was gone, she was fine and started playing with the other girls.

And I couldn't help feeling twilight-zone-weird because it had been up to me to soothe a crying girl who missed her mother, while the mother told her to go away, ignoring the fact that she herself was the cause of the problem. It didn't help my feeling of weirdness that the mother saw me trying to (with lots of effort) cheer up her daughter and still ignored her.

What a sad and beautiful story.
Sad, because the mother was ignorant of her child's needs, and beautiful because you decided to be the little girl's rock of the day. I do agree it was strange for the mother not to heed her daughter needs, but being an understanding parent is a skill that not all possess. Good job

Originally Posted by Bruno

...Despite being a grumpy cynic I am actually very good with kids...

Children can see right through that hardened shell. It protects the compassionate idealist under the armor. It's not that you're good with kids, it's that kids pull you out to play... You know they won't hurt you.

The woman does not need to be a parent.

In my opinion this just shows that there is a VAST difference between someone who has a child and a parent.
My little girls god mother is a great parent and has no childern.

Bruno, you are a great parent!

your a good man, cheerign the little girl up by takign the time to give her attention.

@Bruno, you sir, went above and beyond. I've been a police officer for nearly 23 years in one of the largest counties in the US, and the kids I've had cause to deal with had parents just like the one you've described (or worse). Kids with parents that show affection and an interest in their lives, typically turn out pretty well. I'm not saying this little girl is going to be a delinquent, but with a mom like that, the odds are stacked against her.

Bruno, I think you did more for that girl than you may know. God bless you.

Originally Posted by Bruno

It didn't help my feeling of weirdness that the mother saw me trying to (with lots of effort) cheer up her daughter and still ignored her.

Don't worry about that feeling... the fact that she could watch it with seemingly no affect on her tells it all.. My hats off to you.. and don't cage that kid at heart up.. it's not good for ya..

I was going to suggest an anonomous call to family services, but that would only make it worse for the child, and still wouldn't get through to the childs mother...Notice I didn't use the word 'parent'. As a full time dad, I can't stand to see a parent doing the wrong thing by their children. When I drop my girls off to daycare/kindy for the couple of days they attend that in a week, I stay only long enough to get them sorted and say good-bye then turn and leave. Their is always tears, but they inevitably have a good time within five minutes of my departure. I do my utmost to protect my kids from harm...Maybe a little more than necessary. I explain to them what they have done wrong before any punishment, and punishment weather it be a simple apology, right up to time-out or for serious issues, a smack, is delivered promptly and once completed is put aside. I even get mad at my wife if she lets her social life get in the way of my girls sleep time. My girls come first for me as a parent and my life comes second to their needs.


Mick

I saw the girl, her mother and her sister again today, while I was at the school running championship. I walked up to them, and said hi. From body language, and everything I could observe the girl was happy and well cared for. I might disagree with how the parent behaved, but I don't think there are grounds to think the girl is neglected.

Who knows... it is hard to judge people based on one event. Maybe there were special circumstances that caused the mother to behave like that at the birthday party. For now I am glad that the girl seems to be happy.