Thread: CC Double Youing Wombats

Maybe a honey badger? Or a wolverine? They look at least as bad-ass as Tasmanian Devil and a ehhh....wombat.

But if you're willing to rely on wombats for scaring off aggressive gangs of stereotypical 80's movies punks on rollerblades with handguns and switchblade (oh good god of magenta cruelty!), you might as well take me, trying to fight them off with a teddybear.

My teddybear wears kevlar and has a grenade launcher... scares all the little punks... he is a 300 pound black bear and i support the US right to arm bears.

enjoy,
jim

Originally Posted by carlmaloschneider

Remember they have bullet proof butts, as it states here. I can't believe there's two conversation happing about wombats at the same time here; any one would think it's Australia day soon or something...

Well that settled… Wombat it is… Iron A** and all… Just make sure you make a coat from its hinds and you should be good to go… Don't even have to carry one around concealed…

Now… Question? So if they do have an Iron A**, would you hold it like a Tommy Gun? But only to try and catch any flying lead?

I'm starting to want one myself as a pet...

Originally Posted by carlmaloschneider

Tasmanian Devils are NASTY things! I'd rather go toe to toe with a Cougar or something. It makes me laugh, sometimes. Americans talk about all our dangerous stuff but you've got lions and tigers and bears (oh my). Well, Cougars and bears at least.

No, we got nothing like those walking spiders and those ants that invade towns and chase the people out. No self respecting Mountain Lion would hang around when those ants came to call.

Originally Posted by thebigspendur

No, we got nothing like those walking spiders and those ants that invade towns and chase the people out. No self respecting Mountain Lion would hang around when those ants came to call.

But I saws them on TV!!

Originally Posted by thebigspendur

No, we got nothing like those walking spiders and those ants that invade towns and chase the people out. No self respecting Mountain Lion would hang around when those ants came to call.

Hopper ants are pretty nasty, your tongue swells up and stuff. Is it OK to CCML (Carry a Concealed Mountain Lion) in your state? I actually think it would be legal here to do so. You'd need a permit to CCW (wombats are native animals and we generally don't kill them other than driving over them in our cars, accept for kangaroos, which we used to slaughter for dog food until us white people found out they tasted nice).

You could CCHA (Carry a Concealed Hopper Ant) even without a permit, and you can have any number of rabbits stashed all around your person, but you can't breed them (without a licence). All the above creatures are allowed to be smoking dope, but none may have implements with which to smoke dope, nor sell dope. Of course only if they're over 18. Hopper ants very rarely participate in this drug taking, as very few are over 18. I'm just guessing. For all I know Hopper ants might live to be 200, with wise eyes with nice kindly wrinkles around them (partly to do with the side effects and partly with age). Hopper ants could actually be named after Denis Hopper, which would explain a LOT.

Wombats are of course heavy drinkers; you can tell that by their portly bodies. Which is why it's important to mention the negative about the (frequent) urination problem. I'm not sure if the urination problem is entirely negated by the bullet proof butt, but then again the butt would be an effective shield, being large due to the alcohol intake.

The positive on the Hopper ant carrying (in a secretive manner) is clearly their size. You could stash millions of them on you. You'd be like a veritable nuclear bloody weapon.

Negative is clearly the itchiness and changing mood caused by the drug taking; they may turn on you. Then you've got millions of paranoid Hopper ants suggesting that you don't REALLY like them, you're just PRETENDING to like them. That could lead to dangerous business, esp if you meet someone coming the other way with a wombat hidden in their underwear (it makes sense to hide them there as you can wear those pad things to soak up the urine, no one will know the difference; they're really discreet). It's important to NOT show your ants immediately, see what he does with the wombat first. Could well be that the wombat is pretty well *pissed (esp if it's after mid day) and not up for too much at all. If the owner of the wombat shows the butt of his wombat counter this by displaying around a quarter of the ants in your hand (this is known as 'holding quarter' (Led Zeppelin sang about NOT holding quarter in the song 'No Quarter' on the Four Sticks album I believe). This should make Wombat Guy think twice and walk away whistling. Do NOT be frightened if wombat guy walks to the bushes at the side of the road, he is pretending to urinate, but actually allowing the wombat to urinate in the most discreet way one can (considering the situation, which, I'm sure you will agree, is a difficult one).

Carl

* 'Pissed' is of course Aussie for drunk, as distinct from 'pissed off' which means angry or annoyed...

Carl, I must ask... So when the crown decided to use the continent as a penal colony, did they also decide to send all the "other" things there to? Kind of a free for all you might say in the survival world...

"Australia: officially the Commonwealth of Australia, is a country comprising the mainland of the Australian continent, the island of Tasmania and numerous smaller islands. It is the world's sixth-largest country by total area.

After discovery by Dutch explorers in 1606, Australia's eastern half was claimed by Great Britain in 1770 and settled through penal transportation to the colony of New South Wales from 26 January 1788. The population grew steadily in subsequent decades..."

Carl, I keep trying to think of something to say in reply to that, but you've left me speechless.

It's just brilliant.

My hat's off to you sir!

Originally Posted by maddafinga

Carl, I keep trying to think of something to say in reply to that, but you've left me speechless.

It's just brilliant.

My hat's off to you sir!

Why thank you. My wife will attest that I was giggling like a girl as I wrote it.