Thread: Romance, a finer point in life.

How can you possibly do nothing nice for the person you love and (hopefully) respect? I think all you tough guys are just, well, being tough guys.

Most of the things that I do, like those in the above post, I do for myself anyway. And in the case of breakfast like I mentioned above I just do the things that I do for myself in duplicate with trivial changes to suit her tastes and reap the rewards of "going out of my way to make a special meal for the two of us."

I end up happy, she ends up happy and I wasn't "trained" to do any of it, it was voluntary.

Try it some time and tell me the satisfaction isn't worth it.

I don't know about just being tough guys - maybe just different angles on the subject. I am very much in love with my wife and show affection daily but I don't know if I would call that romance, more pair bonding. So a hug, kiss and some thoughtful words and actions come naturally and keep the bond tight. Romance to me is something a bit more than that daily bonding activity - as I said earlier I try to do something a bit more out of character (as I am not naturally a romantic) every now and again when the notion takes me and it usually is good for both of us. Every pair have their own approach and I would not suggest that anyone isn't very happily paired up just because neither are very romantically inclined. I have a friend who is a born romantic, does wee things all the time for his wife. I have seen her act so nonchalant at times that it hurts him quite a bit. I reckon the bond with them could be at times harmed by his constant eagerness to please and be romantic. Every pair has their own way and if it's not right, sooner or later they become single again. It is nice getting back to that 'purity and beauty' that romantic love idealises once in a while.

When my girlfriend and I still lived in separate apartments, I "broke" in when she wasn't there, hung a painting I made for her and left her a rare flower in a new vase on the kitchen table as a birthday present. Went over really well. . . we live together now

This reminds me that I haven't done anything romantic in a while. . .

Originally Posted by hoglahoo

A loving wife is probably the finest thing this life has to offer.

+1 I have been fortunate enough to have the most loving wife in the world for the last thirty years. I am not as good at it as I should be but I try to do the things that make her happy. I share the cooking duties with her, the house cleaning, make her feel loved, give her massages, and listen to her. LISTENING is highly underrated. As a part of the listening, I try not to fall into my normal mode of problem solving. A woman does not always want her problem solved; she wants you to listen more than anything else. If she asks you for a solution, then feel free to offer one, otherwise JUST LISTEN. So, for all of you men out there... be a participant in your life together, love her, and LISTEN.

I am not a tough guy. I love my wife and I tell her every day.
We treat each other with respect, and talk about things.

However, I think the whole romance thing can be taken too far.
There is nothing wrong with doing something special, but some people seem to think that unquestioning servitude is a requirement in order to be allowed to say you love your wife.

My marriage is a bond between equals.
My wife is perfectly capable of taking care of herself.
If we are together at the breakfast table I'll ask if she wants coffee if I fill my own cup, but I am not watching her all day like a butler, trying to guess if she needs anything, pretending my only purpose in life is to forsee her every need or wish.

And I am pretty sure she'd tell me to bug off if I tried.

Originally Posted by netsurfr

+1 I have been fortunate enough to have the most loving wife in the world

Oh, I don't know about that.

Originally Posted by netsurfr

A woman does not always want her problem solved; she wants you to listen more than anything else. If she asks you for a solution, then feel free to offer one, otherwise JUST LISTEN.

You know, that tired piece of advice has to be judged with common sense. The reason men try to solve the problem is not so much that men are problem solvers by nature, but because women so often present their expectancies in the form of comments such as, "I'm hungry" or "The car has been making strange noises" or "My feet are sore". If you simply reply to any of these with a "I'm sorry to hear that - let me sit down and listen" then I'm afraid romance will not be the result. Those are obvious examples, but it hopefully illustrates that simply assuming the woman doesn't want a solution may not be failsafe.

Anyway, back on topic, I value the voluntarily committed love and trust of my wife as the finest thing I possess in this life. Grandma's homegrown canned spicy dill pickles come in a close second though

Originally Posted by hoglahoo

You know, that tired piece of advice has to be judged with common sense. The reason men try to solve the problem is not so much that men are problem solvers by nature, but because women so often present their expectancies in the form of comments such as, "I'm hungry" or "The car has been making strange noises" or "My feet are sore". If you simply reply to any of these with a "I'm sorry to hear that - let me sit down and listen" then I'm afraid romance will not be the result. Those are obvious examples, but it hopefully illustrates that simply assuming the woman doesn't want a solution may not be failsafe.

So true. That was a great conversation that I had with my missus. She said something similar to above and I proceeded to help her with it. She broke down and said she just wanted me to listen. We came to the understanding that if she presents me with a problem, I naturally want to help her fix it since I love her and care. I listen to people's problems and sympathize when I don't care, I fix and solve when I do care. Since then it's been smooth sailing on this front

Originally Posted by Bruno

I am not a tough guy. I love my wife and I tell her every day.
We treat each other with respect, and talk about things.

And I am pretty sure she'd tell me to bug off if I tried.

I stand corrected.

What I meant by "tough guy" is that you don't want to talk about your softer side, and mainly meant Mike and Cabo. Saying that the nicest thing you do for the love of your life is "put the seat down" or "pick up socks and underwear" definitely qualifies as not talking about your softer side if indeed you do more than that.

And I agree, tending to her every need all the time is ridiculous and inappropriate.

And just for a perspective on the difference between couples, I offer this; we don't exchange "I love you"s on a daily basis. Only when one or the other is really feeling it. I don't think we've said it this week, since we've both been so busy. But it is understood and I think it means more this way when it does get said.

This is a subject that fathers should teach their sons. A Woman you love and care about is more than just anothere mouth to feed and clothe and put a roof over. She is your other half without her you cant be one or whole. It isnt about saying the words but in living the heart. If you love you give. In giving you receive more than you give. The peace and grace in your life increases and the stress and suffering decreases. A woman doesnt always want someone to fix it for her but a willingness in your heart to do so is worth more than a gold ring. It is a give and take in life that goes beyond the bedroom and kitchen. It really boils down to simple things... if you see something needs to be done dont wait for her to do it, if she wants to see a chick flick and you want to watch U F C then put the ufc on hold and go to the movie with a smile on your face and love in your heart. Dont go to bed angry. Dont judge. Trust. Give mercy when she screws up because soon you will need the same mercy when you screw up. And yes pick up your nasty undies and put the seat down/up. It all boils down to thinking of your woman before you think about yourself. everyone gets tired and lazy just make sure it isnt always you.

Sorry this took so long gents but it is an important subject that needs expression.

By the way I am married with six children all with my wife of 13 years. So it is possible to last more than the statistical average of five years in western society.

Cameron

Originally Posted by Shmamoozle

This is a subject that fathers should teach their sons. A Woman you love and care about is more than just anothere mouth to feed and clothe and put a roof over. She is your other half without her you cant be one or whole. It isnt about saying the words but in living the heart. If you love you give. In giving you receive more than you give. The peace and grace in your life increases and the stress and suffering decreases. A woman doesnt always want someone to fix it for her but a willingness in your heart to do so is worth more than a gold ring. It is a give and take in life that goes beyond the bedroom and kitchen. It really boils down to simple things... if you see something needs to be done dont wait for her to do it, if she wants to see a chick flick and you want to watch U F C then put the ufc on hold and go to the movie with a smile on your face and love in your heart. Dont go to bed angry. Dont judge. Trust. Give mercy when she screws up because soon you will need the same mercy when you screw up. And yes pick up your nasty undies and put the seat down/up. It all boils down to thinking of your woman before you think about yourself. everyone gets tired and lazy just make sure it isnt always you.

Sorry this took so long gents but it is an important subject that needs expression.

By the way I am married with six children all with my wife of 13 years. So it is possible to last more than the statistical average of five years in western society.

Cameron

Hear hear!