Thread: Things kids say

Kids have the ability to innocently say things that make you laugh yourself to death, or touch you deeply. I thought the finer things forum would be ideal for this.

A couple of days ago, my wife was sitting in the sofa with my 5 year old daughter lying on top of her, as kids do. I sat next to them, winked at my wife and asked my daughter if there was still room for me, because I wanted to lie there as well. She strongly said NO, and then told me that I should go and find another woman to lie on top of. My wife and I couldn't breathe from laughing so hard. When I had regained my composure, I asked her if she had any suggestions. After a bit of thinking she suggested I lie on top of Ms XYZ, her (20 year old, very hot) tumbling teacher. I told her that was an excellent choice Now all that is missing for the punch line is that next class, she'll tell her teacher that 'Daddy wants to lie on top of you', which would need some explaining Probably not, which is probably best.

My colleague had another one. He and his 6 year old son were in a busy store some time ago, and near the register there were some action or horror movies or something like that. His boy asks what it is, and my colleague says 'Nevermind, this is not for kids'. his son answers loudly 'Oh? So this is gay porn?' at which point all heads in the shop turned towards them. It turned out that the boy had heard that term somewhere, and when he asked about it, he was told that it was not for kids. So when my colleague said that these DVDs were not for kids, he made the simple connection that it must be the same.

I use ben gay type muscle rub sometimes and i tell my son it smells like an old man so.................. my son was playing around with it the other night and he comes to me and my wife and says ....... daddy i have old man in my but and it burns!!!!! oh the horror !! hahah

I walked in the kitchen the other morning and clapped loudly and my wife exclaimed "you scared the cr@p out of me!!" My son who is 3 and speaks his own language and sometimes can't be understood said "you scared the cr@p out of me too!" clear as day. We both got a laugh out of that one.

Last week I was out shopping with my 2 year old daughter and had to take her into the rest room to changer her diaper. So I had her in the busy rest room, in the stall with the change table when she said loudly " daddy I love your pen!s".
Several guys busted out laughing and the only thing I could say was thank you honey I love you too.

When she was much younger my cousin came up with a total OMG moment at a restaurant we were at.

The waiter had had very bad acne when he was younger and you could see the scarring, poor guy. When he asked my cousin what she wanted to eat she burst into tears an said to my aunt "mummy, what's wrong with that mans face?"

We were all apologising profusely and trying not to laugh, which only made it worse...!

kids are the best! they have some serious honesty going for them. which can be slightly cringe worthy moments for us adults..

OK, this one is a few years old as my daughter is now 25 but one day in the summer up in Alaska when she was about 5 or 6, we pulled up to a convenient store to pick up some stuff on the way home from fishing. With the windows in the truck down, I pulled up and parked next to a mid-sized red sedan. Now as my bride gave me the list of stuff to grab, I didn't notice the woman walking up to get in the car parked next to us but my daughter sure did. When this woman was only a couple inches away getting ready to get in her car, my daughter yells from the back seat "Daddy! That woman has a moustache just like yours!" I glanced up in horror just in time for a large moustachioed lady to give me and my daughter both, the stink eye. She jumped in her car a peeled off in a huff. As soon as I could catch my breath from about a 30 minute belly laugh, I had to regain my composure and make it a teachable moment, that was the hard part.

This morning my wife asks my youngest daughter (almost 4) if she would like milk.
All cute she says 'my lips are saying yes'

When my daughter was about four we were in a restaurant with my two younger sons. She says to me "Daddy, I'm not saying this, I'm just telling you, but did you know that f*ck and stupid are bad words? I'm not saying it, I'm just telling you"

I told her I did realize that. I thought it was pretty funny how she was being very specific about the fact that she wasn't saying it, just telling me.

John

Day before yesterday my 7 year old daughter stormed downstairs to tattle on her 13 year old brother: "Dad, Bubby has clothes destroyed all over his bedroom floor". Destroyed, strewed whatever. However, with a 13 year old boy, one never knows.

When my daughter was beginning to use complete sentences she was eager to join into conversations. One evening, during a brief lull in the conversation she seized the moment, but the best she could muster was "So anyways, when the wind blows..." followed by silence and an angelic grin. To this day, we've never discovered exactly what happens when the wind blows.

On the way home from church one Sunday my wife asked our daughter what her Sunday school lesson was about, to which she replied "it was about a kiss in a tree". After further questioning we discovered she meant Zacchaeus in the sycamore tree.