Thread: Great new samples incoming.

I was talking to a friend of mine who operates a popular shave supply store and he was telling me he had just put a few samples in the mail to me.

He said he was very excited for me to try a revolutionary new product, a shave cream formulated with real human blood. I said now wait a minute you’re pulling my leg because that is illegal and disgusting. He said now just wait because this has been thoroughly researched and the chemists he hired were able to freeze dry the blood, filter and disinfect it and remove the objectionable products and then put the good stuff into the shave product.

He said, not only does it have natural lube properties (because blood is real slippery) but the natural makeup enhances your skin and leaves it with a glow that women seem to go crazy over. You will instantly become the most interesting man in the world. You will be able to buy it soon and it will be marketed as O, A, B, AB + and – and it’s very important you select the matching product to your blood type or bad things could happen.

I said, so where do you get this blood from some skid row bums who you pay? He said no that stuff would kill you. He said his brother–in-law Mohammed Al Sheikh runs a division in ISIS and these guys who are gonna blow themselves up, well they don’t need all their blood so he takes a pint from each before the mission and tells them it will be donated to the cause and when they die they will get an extra 10 virgins in paradise. The Martyrs really appreciate that.

I asked him what the stuff is called. He said it’s called Sangre De La Jihad. So if you’re interested in acquiring some let me know. The price will be competitive with other first tier creams and I’m sure Obie will love the stuff. Just hurry before those pesky moderators see this and close it down.

Just as a postscript I got the samples and WOW do they perform. The stuff is so good even a dull razor gives you a great shave. You can throw all your hones away cause you won’t be needing them and not only that, when I walk down the street all the women are chasing after me.

If you pass up the offer this April you will certainly be a fool.

Kinda sick and twisted, but props to you on creativity.

I can tell you from 13 years experience working in an inner-city ER and having been sprayed with blood several times that it is only slick for a minute and then quickly becomes sticky/thick and nasty as it clots... your friend must be adding Coumadin or another blood-thinner to prevent the clotting of your shaving soap to retain its slickness, and Coumadin was originally a rat-poison, so don't lick your soap (and that's the best part of the shave for me... licking off the leftover lather on the brush and bowl... yummy ) Also, make sure not to nick yourself during the actual shave, as the Coumadin in your lather is gonna prevent you from clotting too, so your "little bleeders" are now gonna be "big bleeders".

What I do is just use one of the tried & true shave soaps from Obie's thread, but instead of water, I use blood plasma. It makes the lather extra thick & slick, but with no platelets to clot it stays hydrated throughout the shave and not just delicious but also nutritious for the licking of extra lather off the brush & bowl at the end. And when you DO get a little nick, the clotting factors in the plasma make it heal right up... way better than Alum or WitchHazel! Finally, with blood plasma you don't have to worry about blood type, so no hassle there. As for where to find plasma? That's easy-peasy: just find your closest college: be it state, community, private, barber or clown and you'll find loads of healthy, enthusiastic, young adults eager to sell it up to three times a week each to help pay for their incredibly overpriced textbooks and extra large shoes. Happy shaves and happy April fools!