Thread: Thebigspendurs Weekly Shaving Brainbuster #13

Good morning shaving fiends.

While Navajo Joe was driving Festus and I back to the ranch a couple of weeks ago we got to talking and he invited me over to his house on the Reservation and since Uncle Jethro is still as mad at me as a Black Bear being stung by a thousand African bees I decided to stay clear for a while.

So after finding his place with the crummy directions he invites me into his Hogan and the walls are just lined with straight razors. I couldn’t believe it. He told me he makes them all himself. The scales are all made from local wood like desert ironwood and pinon and oak and I noticed the steel had this strange purplish cast to it and was really heavy unlike steel I’ve seen.

So he tells me this rambling story about how his family has been into all kinds of stuff. His great grandfather was a famous Indian stuntman named Yakima Canute and he was responsible for Jay Silverheels getting the role as Tonto in the Lone Ranger. His family made all their money working in Hollywood years ago. They helped train the anglo actors how to act like real Indians on camera.

He asks me if I ever heard of Folsum man. I said sure that’s Uncle Jethro’s last name. He says no their the stupidest people he’s ever seen. He says their lips move but nothing comes out. He says Folsom man is the first evidence of people in North America. So he tells me his relations took the Archeologists up to the site many many years ago but they kept the really good site to themselves. So he swears me to secrecy with some hokey ceremony and says lets go and takes me half-way across the state to Folsom, N.M and after going as far as you could in the jeep we hike up this bluff and he has this hidden cave and we go in and it’s just full of all kinds of artifacts. It’s a real king’s ransom which belongs in a museum. So he says no this ain’t nothing and he takes me to the bowels of the cave and tells me this story that was passed down to him by his ancestors about a fire in the sky and what appeared to be a meteorite that landed which looks like nothing else ever seen.

So he shows me this huge boulder with this same purple cast to it. So we chip some off and we head back to the reservation. We go back to the forge in back of the Hogan and he tells me this metal is so strong he can hit it with a steel axe and the axe will shatter to pieces and there won’t be a tiny scratch on the metal. So I said if it’s so tough how do you work it. He says the metal has one weakness and that’s if you use highly magnetized metal it becomes like putty if you add heat and he has an iron ore hone and saws made from magnetite. Only natural magnetism will do not artificial.

So we spent the afternoon making a straight razor and fitting it with some oak scales. He said the razor will never need honing or stropping and he has razors passed down by his grandfather that have never been honed and they are as sharp as the day they were made. The only reason he does hone them is because they will develop a tarnish over time which will dull the edge. He keeps the metal on the razors gleaming by using polishing cloths impregnated with powdered magnetite.

I told him he could make a fortune selling these razors but he said he was very comfortable and besides, that would just bring attention to his sideline business of killing bald eagles by the hundreds and selling the feathers to tourists and importing illegal Elephant Tusks as native American religious artifacts. But he did give me that razor and it’s the sharpest razor I’ve ever used. You don’t need any strops or any prep. You can just shave your face with water and get the smoothest slickest shave in the world. It’s like the metal is self lubricating or something.

So the question for this week’s shaving brainbuster is this; is this a true story and do I have some secret razor that all of you would die for? If so, what would account for the purple cast? I would have attached a photo but I was sworn to secrecy and that would get me into real trouble. Also, who the hell is Yakima Canute? Additionally, what tribe was Jay Silverheels a member of or was he just some guy from Bay Ridge, Brooklyn? Oh and how would magnetite Fe3O4 be as a hone? Lastly would Pinon Wood make good scales?
Check back on Wednesday for the answer however this involves Indian Lore and superstition. If you become privy to the truth the same fate may befall you as those guys who opened King Tut’s Tomb. They all died of terrible, horrible deaths. I’m protected because Joe gave me this Indian Talisman but the rest of you….

Well I won't google the stuff so all I can contribute is that Yakima Canute was a great stunt man and did some of John Wayne's toughest stunts in his early movies .... among many others. He was greatly admired by Wayne and was one of his best friends as well. The razor with the purple caste was obviously a Bresduck/Filly with purple scales.

Yakima Canutt wasn't an American Indian. Yakima was a nickname.

Jay Silverheels was a Canadian Mohawk. His birth name was Harold Smith.

Well I can see some of you are scared off by that indian curse. But don't let that be a problem.

I'm surprised nobody figured this out yet. The giant boulder is obviously a large piece of meteor that was ejected from Jupiter by a vicious storm millions of years ago. After thousands of years bouncing around the solar system it collided with earth only to be pushed to the surface by a glacier or possibly a massive volcanic eruption. I'm sure everyone remembers from elementary school that Jupiter is purple which would account for the purple tint. This would also explain its uncanny sharpness. The metal is made from a element that originated on another planet and would have a molecular structure unlike anything we have ever seen. While easily malleable into the form of a razor it's unique grain structure allows it to take and retain an edge of ethereal sharpness. I'm sure this is all in Wikipedia somewhere.

Originally Posted by DogHair

I'm surprised nobody figured this out yet. The giant boulder is obviously a large piece of meteor that was ejected from Jupiter by a vicious storm millions of years ago. After thousands of years bouncing around the solar system it collided with earth only to be pushed to the surface by a glacier or possibly a massive volcanic eruption. I'm sure everyone remembers from elementary school that Jupiter is purple which would account for the purple tint. This would also explain its uncanny sharpness. The metal is made from a element that originated on another planet and would have a molecular structure unlike anything we have ever seen. While easily malleable into the form of a razor it's unique grain structure allows it to take and retain an edge of ethereal sharpness. I'm sure this is all in Wikipedia somewhere.

See, now that's what I'm talking about. Here's a man who's thinking on his feet. He's wrong but he gets a A for effort.

One Word:

Chronik.

Native Amiricans shaved with obsidian flakes. Obsidian can be purplish. When you hit it hard a flake comes off that can be used as is. You can't hone the stuff.

So, the answers for this week?

Pinon wood makes great scales.

Would magnatite make a good hone? I don't think so. The ore is usually about 85% iron so it would be too soft however it would depend on the country rock the ore is found in and the distribution of the ore throughout the rock.

Silverheels and Canute issue were properly answered.

As to the metal with the purple cast I was thinking of pure tungsten. It has a purplish cast to it and is very hard and very dense and heavy. So do I have a straight made from 100% pure Tungsten? That's for you to think about if it would make a good razor. You might ask Mike Blue.

be sure to stay tuned for another in the amazing adventures of the shaving brainbuster. This week the gang and I are going to the New Mexico State fair. Wow I can taste the roasted corn on the cob and turkey legs right now. I'm sure we will all have a great time there. Afterall, what could possibly go wrong at the fair? Muahaa.