Thread: Thebigspendurs Weekly Shaving Brainbuster #40B

Good morning shaving fiends.

A grand time was had by all at the Easter Bash but I told them next year do it someplace else. It wasn’t worth all the work and then they waited too long to put Festus out after they set him ablaze and he burned down my outhouse.

Burt just left the house. He runs the towing service and he made a mint towing all those cars off the interstate after they was hit by those wax bullets filled with fire ants. He gave me my cut and then there was old Doc Paine who made a mint treating all those folks with his home fire ant remedy. He made a mint too and I got that cut and then there was Stella who owns the boarding house. She made a mint since those folks had to stay a day or so until their wounds healed and I got that cut too. But now I got the State Police nosing around wanting to know who caused the commotion to begin with. I told them I didn’t know what they was talking about but while they was nosing around the General led them down by the creek and showed them where the 50 Cal was stashed. I told them I never saw it before. I don’t think they believed me.

I had to go wake up Mr Sasquatch as he was tired from his experience in Washington. While I was rustling up breakfast for him (man can he eat-a dozen eggs over easy,15 flapjacks, a pound of bacon and a quart of coffee) he told me about what happened.

They finally realized they couldn’t do anything about that Mr President as the damage was already done so they just threatened Mr Sasquatch and implanted a chip in him to monitor his whereabouts.

A group of guys got him from his hotel and took him around the city and treated him like a king. They tried to get him drunk but that was impossible whisky is like water to him. Instead he got them drunk and they told him they was a bunch of republicans and they wanted him to spill the beans about Mr President but instead they spilled the beans about their tactics and what they have in store for 2010 and beyond but that’s another story for another episode.

After breakfast he helped me rebuild the outhouse and then went in to visit the General and adjusted his attitude a little. The missus was glad the outhouse was rebuilt, man, she was giving me hell over that.

I took Mr Sasquatch into town to the shop so we could get things cleaned up. The chimps were glad to see him and we was all set to reopen Monday morning if we get certified by the badgers. Since the chimps will be doing their routine again we have no need for Miss Hogslopper however she is certainly a draw so we’re gonna build an extension to the building so she can give topless rubdowns (now don’t you go thinking anything dirty here) and we’ll get a cut of this. I had to guarantee Che-Che all the free visits he wants or he wouldn’t allow the operation to open. I’ve gotta figure out what to do with the preacher though, when he finds out. Also Baaby found out we don’t need her anymore and she’s really mad and is giving Festus a hard time.

Deputy Buttkiss stopped me as I was getting into my car and said he heard about Miss Hogslopper and wasn’t going to allow it. I told him to check with the mayor because he already approved it. He said he had the book of statutes and showed me where it was contrary to state law to allow any form of proit, prosot, heck you know what I mean. So I said so what do you want? He said, well I don’t take no corruption but you can pay me $250 a month to be the sanitary inspector.

There was a commotion down the street and there was this group of guys yelling and screaming and there was this fella on a soapbox talking about how we need to fight the Federal Govt and demand our rights or start a civil war. I turned to Clem and said “you mean they finally ended that one”? Mr Sasquatch was in the crowd and that guy started pointing him out as a stooge and as an example of the enemy. He said he was probably from New York City. Well that’s all Mr Sasquatch had to hear why he just walked up to that fella and…

The shaving brainbuster for this week concerns Mr Sasquatch. While he was over at my place he wanted to shave but he says his beard is so tough he can only use a wedge to shave with and he uses shave cream loaded with muriatic acid to soften his beard. Is this true or is he joshing with me. Do you have to use a big razor if you have a tough beard and can you actually use muriatic acid as an ingredient in shave cream…hmm…I wonder. Where’s Navajo Joe when you need him.

Check back on Friday for the burning answers.

i know muriatic acid also contains hydrogen chloride (HCL)...40-50%....in the forms and concentrations i have seen this stuff in i dont want this on me and i dont want to smell it... but on the up side you can put it in a plastic bottle with aluminum foil and you can get a satisfactory explosion..it is also used in most toilet cleaners in about a 10% concentration

As all of us know you do not need to use a big razor to shave your face no matter how tough your beard is. Mr Sasquatch has to use a big razor because his hands are so big a small razor gets lost in them. Cletus tried making a 4/8s blade in a huge set of scales but it looked ridiculous.

I wouldn't use muriatic acid because it would irritate my skin but Mr Sasquatch has tougher skin.

Check back this weekend for more adventures. Now I gotta go and clean out that Latrine.