Thread: Da Big suspendurs Weakly Shaven Ba**bustor

Helo,helo is dis ting on? Who’s tere

Oh Helo folks

Mi nam is Festus Folsum and mi cusin the suspender asked mi to writ this for him caus he got hisself in an auful mess. He was cleaning out his la trin and while working that no acont ornery bull he has cam up behind him and knoked him hed first In all that mess. I guess he was hollering fur hores in finally his wif herd him and contacted the deputy who cam ovr ta help and wile helping that no acont bull knoked him in that there mess too. She finily contacted mi Pa wo cam ovr with that there Sas qu..sakuat..heck you know who, and he wrestled the genral to the dirt en throw him in that there la trin. The to was able to hold on to that there genral. Why they was coverd hed to fot in had to go to the Doc in sit a spell at his santé… santor…heck you know until those there germs got killed of them.

So he asted of me to writ this there thng this wek. Well, I’m a not too good at writin on account of never having been to skool. Well, I did go to kindergarden but they throw me out, something bout unnatural acts wit frm animules. Besites they used to make fun of mi caus of my 6 fingurs and tos.

So I[‘m a sopost to tell yu all bout wat hapend round thes prts this pst week. Wel I srtrd the wek by grumen my baaaby. Yu all now clean is rite nxt to the almiity so aftr her bath wil I was ashavin her wit mi puma I was a tellin her bout that nasty monky that maks me dance at the shop and how I was a fixing to play alitle prank on that devil. I’m a goin to hook that ther orgin he uses to the elektrisity and he’s a goin to get the shok of his lif. I’m a goin to sit his head ablaze. En twking bout ablaze yu wil be gratefid to now I sufored no ill effects wen they set me ablaze on tat ester parti. The new skin will grow out rite fast.

I gota go en get that there genral. He a out to no good karousing round the contriside fornicatin wit all thos hefers. Jus tat he smells so bad they want nuttin to do wit him so hes in an auful stat of mind now. I told cusin suspender a long tim past he shud of butched tat critter but I rekon he has a soft spot in his hart for him.

I drov the deputees car bak to town. Boy wat fun. I had all the lites on and sirin and firing all thos wepons at signs and uther cars and animules. Mi Ma wanted mi to stop at the meet shop to pik up some meet fur diner tunite but I spnt the money on chewin tobacco and som bows fur mi baaaby. Well, I a just gonna get the rod kill en bing tat bak. Once I dres it she won’t now the difrence.

Well, mi brains a hurtin something feerse from havin to writ this stuff but befor I go I’m a soposed to do somthin a called the shavin branbustor.

So wil I was a shavin mi baaaby I got to thinkin wen yu shav sum of thos relly long hairs wht difrent do yu need to do contrary to normal shavin. Shud yu us a difrent razor or som difrent soap. Mi baaaby is reel particular bout wat gos on her no mater what sid I’m a working on.

Wel, I got to git now. I got mi chors to du or Pa gets mity cros wit me. He taks big plesur in wipen me reel good wit his xtra hevy strop. It’s a funny cause hes a always tellin mi its gonna hurt him mor then mi but its me that always gets wiped not him. So so long felas and cusin suspender wil be bak nxt wek in chek bak fridey fur ansers caus I’m a curisius myself in so is Baaaby.

Broter Cletus says you all ar crazy pepel wit razurs in things. Next tim we hijack that there UPS Truck I’ll put asid the best razurs and sell dem to ya for next to nuttin. Are ya intrsted? Let mi now but don’t a tell Pa.

If evr yous in this prt of New Mexico b sur and stop by en say helo to al of us.

I tried, I really did. Made it about half-way.

- Scott

Originally Posted by sebell

I tried, I really did. Made it about half-way.

- Scott

Yu mst bee 1 of thos etucated types of peple. Yu don't no hou us comon fok tawk.

Originally Posted by thebigspendur

Helo,helo is dis ting on? Who’s tere

Here!

Originally Posted by thebigspendur

So wil I was a shavin mi baaaby I got to thinkin wen yu shav sum of thos relly long hairs wht difrent do yu need to do contrary to normal shavin. Shud yu us a difrent razor or som difrent soap. Mi baaaby is reel particular bout wat gos on her no mater what sid I’m a working on.

While shaving soaps and style/steel of razors can help. A good technique is tried and true for the best shave.

Originally Posted by thebigspendur

Broter Cletus says you all ar crazy pepel wit razurs in things. Next tim we hijack that there UPS Truck I’ll put asid the best razurs and sell dem to ya for next to nuttin. Are ya intrsted? Let mi now but don’t a tell Pa.

Very interested. Will PM you for details.

Originally Posted by thebigspendur

If evr yous in this prt of New Mexico b sur and stop by en say helo to al of us.

Sounds like a plan! Have a great one.

Hai Mr Folsum,

Ai luv yer fonettic spelling!

Originally Posted by Kees

Hai Mr Folsum,

Ai luv yer fonettic spelling!

Wis Azz

Yu mst b anoter wun of tose etucated tipes. Lik te oters who mak fun of mi. Bestes wats pho..phon... hek we dont have no fones here.

Originally Posted by thebigspendur

Wis Azz

Yu mst b anoter wun of tose etucated tipes. Lik te oters who mak fun of mi. Bestes wats pho..phon... hek we dont have no fones here.

Dont wurry, fones are PITA stuff.

Originally Posted by Kees

Dont wurry, fones are PITA stuff.

Oh Pita wy dind't yu sa tat. I eat my vittles in tos.

Originally Posted by thebigspendur

Oh Pita wy dind't yu sa tat. I eat my vittles in tos.

Vittles in tos? Does that make you a tosser??

Originally Posted by Kees

Vittles in tos? Does that make you a tosser??

Du yu lik Goats?