Thread: Thebigspendurs Weekly Shaving Brainbuster #42

Hello Shaving Fiends

First off you must be a wondering why there was no answer to last week’s brainbuster. Well, that’s cause there was no classroom participation. So just keep that in mind.

I understands some of you were kind of concerned when I mentioned our private militia last week. Someone wrote in saying we were a bunch of thugs and killers. Nonsense but if you hadn’t written that letter annono…anony…heck you know what I mean we’d come over and skin you alive. You see a few years ago my neighbor Cyrus was awakened one night by these strange sounds and flashing lights so he went outside with his machete to investigate and the next thing he knew he was laying on a street in New York City with all these strange scars all over his body. Once he made it back home and after all kinds of counseling he realized he was abducted by those space aliens and while on board the spacecraft he was wandering around for a time and he overheard them talking about their invasion plans and saw that Mr Vice President fella.

So when he got back home he met with the folks and they discussed it and decided to establish a militia to be ready to fight them when they come back. So every month we go out on maneuvers and train cause we know the day is coming. We have everything from small arms and mines and granades and napalm and mortars to some tactical nuclear weapons. If Mr Sasquatch is successful in building his faster than light spacecraft we can always evacuate if we are unsuccessful and leave all of you to fend for yourselves-har har.

While we are out on maneuvers we are scouring the countryside for that no account, bovine bag of bones. We haven’t found him yet but we will soon and when we do…

Our new Deputy Vasily (you know the ex fedex driver) (we just call him Vaseline) got back from the Police Academy and already he has made good on his promise to exact his revenge on UPS. He’s really good with that collapsible baton and last night beat some poor UPS Driver senseless. Jethro told him they have to make an arrangement concerning the contents of the trucks so I guess they have to work that out.

Speaking about Cyrus, Navajo Joe told me he had his preliminary hearing and the presiding judge, Judge Chow asked him why he attacked those poor Chinese Fellas and well he just went berserk in the courtroom and they had to have 5 guys hold him down and hog tie him. They sent him off to the insane asylum so I guess we won’t be seeing him for quite some time.

I’ve been spending so much time in town at the barber shop I’ve been neglecting my chores around the ranch and the missus read me the riot act. There was so many holes in the chicken coop they were getting out and my pet Raccoon George was stealing all the eggs and I got to make sure the hog is gaining weight for the next big Easter bash which is going to be at the clan’s place next year. Jethro’s been coming around and helping me with my chores especially until I recover fully from my ordeal.
As I was sitting talking to jethro there was a knock at the door and it was The Sheriff and he said Chee-Chee had just been notified by Fedex that they would never deliver any parcels to this area after what had happened. Apparently directly after that incident Vasily contacted some newspaper and related to them how Fedex actually loses parcels on purpose and misleads folks about delivery and when claims are filed they deny them all and in fact many parcels that disappear are actually stolen by the upper mgmt who sell the stuff and get a cut right off the top. I said I’ll have to ask Vaseline about that the next time I see him. He said not to worry because UPS was able to rid themselves of some competition and would take up the slack. Cletus said good, it’s easier to hijack a UPS Truck instead of the Fedex ones.

Cletus said he spied some strange guy around town and when he asked him what business he had he only said he worked for the phone company and had to do repairs. Cletus said how you going to do that we don’t have any phones here. He thinks the guy was sent to tap the phones, if we had any-har har.

So the shaving brainbuster for this week concerns some razor that Cletus got off the last Fedex truck he hijacked. It looks real special and a letter attached to it says it’s the best razor in the world and will out shave anything guaranteed. It says C-r-o-n-i-c. Something about highly recommended by the grand pooba in chief of honemeisters some guy named Joe or something like that. So what’s the deal with these razors? How much should we sell it for? And who the hell is this Joe guy? Also Cletus has been experimenting with the volcanic dust that came in the box with my new Thater brush and he says it makes great slurry to compliment his 8K Naniwa. You think that’s right?

Attached is a teaser for the brainbuster celebration prize. At first we were going to have as the first prize Miss Hogslopper would personally come to your house for a private massage, she says “I can massage the winner long time and make happy”. However we decided that wouldn’t fit in to the family orientated theme of our site. So instead we’re going to give away this razor instead. I got it from Sue’s House of the Dead and she said there are rumors it belonged to Jack the Ripper but those are only stories.
Be sure to check back Friday for the answers if you guys participate otherwise…

I'd guess the honemeister is Lynn. Who else would be the grand pooba honemeister in chief?

Solid condition W&B 1-inch The Celebrated razors have been going for $70-150 on ebay, so I'd go in that range. If you restore it to its original beauty then you can go higher.

The volcanic dust makes sense, because many hone stones were once at least partly volcanic ash. Alternately, Eyjafjallajökull's ash may have been caught in your box if it was sent all the way from Europe.

The deal with these razors is buy one get a bunch of oos and ahs free. We should sell it for as much as we can get for it, but I don't think that will be as much as it could have been 3 and a half years ago when that Joe guy used it to solidify his place on another forum as an expert reviewer and keeper of shaving mysteries. That C-r-o-n-i-k was possibly the original brainbuster that turned Cletus and Fester or whatever from the intellectual stalwarts of their generation into the fleabrained, long-winded and deplorable (if not self-proclaimed) gurus they are now. If you say Cletus has been experimenting with volci dust on his nani that came out of a Thati brush box, well, I believe it, and expect an elaborate and ill-compared review of his results (followed by dozens of "wow now I wanna try that, but I'm too scared to use a straight razor! You're so brave and innovative, like Joe! Can we be your yes-men too?" posts) shortly

Volcanic dust makes great slurry. Extra fine media made up of a combination of all sorts of minerals. Try it. I understand Cletus is selling it for $100 a gram and guaranteed to cut fast.