Thread: Thebigspendurs Weekly Shaving Brainbuster #44

Good morning shaving fiends

I was a listening to Lefty Gomez on that there high tech little radio I got in the mail but I wound up having to throw it away. Those dang cheats selling something like that. It only worked for about a day or two and then it just stopped working. The sound just got lower and lower and then it was gone. I’m gonna have to file a complaint about that. Lefty was having a dance contest at the local 4H club and most of the youngans in town was there and I guess Miss Hogslopper came in cause someone told her alowishous her boyfriend was there and I guess he was fooling around with one of those gals when she walked in and they started a fightin and before long there was a riot there and the Sheriff had to come with the deputy to quell the disturbance and while he was inside a fleet of UPS trucks rolled into town and they firebombed the deputies car and when he came out to investigate they kidnapped him. Yes I heard it all unfolding on the radio all the yelling and screaming and breaking glass and explosion.
I went out to the front porch and Cyrus’s wife was there. She said since Cyrus was gone and she heard about the General (he tastes mighty fine) she brought over their bull. I could see he was already settling in to the General’s stall and was polishing up the name plate. I went in there and told him how it was gonna be and I told him he ain’t no General he was too scrawny. I told him from now on he’s called the Corporal and unless he wants a number 9 up his butt he better toe the line around here. He indicated he understood.
I dropped Cyrus’s wife back at home and as I got back in the house the Telegraph went off. Festus said he was being invaded and needed help. I came running over there and he said there was a bunch of strange people had come into the barn. We went out to look and he had this group of those illegal aliens. They was from some country south of here, probably Texas and they said they were looking for work so we put them to work doing whatever needed being done and then we rented them out to our neighbors. All we had to do is move them around in those fedex trucks we hijacked and let them sleep in the barn and fed them the General. It is very profitable for us.
I headed into town but didn’t want to get too close to the shop because those pesky badgers are mad at me and you can’t trust them and I don’t want any parts of my anatomy bitten off. I headed directly to Sue’s House of the Dead. She had found several cases of old barber’s products like hair tonic and aftershave and cologne and some rusty old razor blades for DE razors. I bought them all for a song. I sneaked into the back of the shop to put the supplies away but those pesky rodents saw me and cornered me and said they need to take retribution against me cause I had wronged them and disrespected them. Oh lordie I’m in big trouble now. In desperation I threw a bottle of this very expensive French after shave stuff called Pinaud lilac vegetal at them which broke all over them. Then I threw some Le Schols Hair Trainer on them and they became stuck to the floor and couldn’t move. They went crazy and begged me not to throw anymore. They said it was the worse stuff they ever did smell and the trainer destroyed their hair. They’d rather get sprayed by a skunk. I made them take it all back what they accused me of made them understand I was the boss now. They said just keep that stuff away from us and we’ll do whatever you want.
I told the shaving chimp to use the rusty DE blades on the stupid customers. He said he wouldn’t ever do that. I sprinkled a few dropps of the stuff on him and he passed out on the floor. Why we had to give him artificial resor…err…repsorat…er…heck you know what I mean to wake him. Festus liked that. He said it was better than kissing ah err… heck you know who. The chimp said that’s the most horrible stuff he ever did smell. He said it stunk worse than an African stink beetle. He said to just keep it away from him and he’s do anything I asked.
On the way home the damn Studebaker died on me and I had to cut across the field to get home before dark dragging that case of aftershave. I sat for a spell to rest and I came face to face with the meanest looking mountain lion I ever did see. I could see what was in his eyes. I just broke a bottle of that stuff over his head and he just rolled over and died right there on the spot and then got all like shriveled up.
Wow this stuff is a secret weapon!
The shaving brainbuster for this week is another in the celebration giveaway. I’m going to give away a tub of SRP LE shave soap never used. It’s the QED Sandalwood-Vetiver mixture. All you have to do is write why you think Lilac Vegetal is the worst smelling stuff in the whole wide world. Whoever writes the best answer wins. The competition begins NOW.
I’ll pick the winner on Friday so check back but you better have a respirator on-har har.

No body wants the soap or you all think Lillac vegetal is a class act?

Baaaby only licked the soap a few times, honest.

Tsk, Tsk-no winner this week. Cletus says I should send all of you some Lillac vegetal.

Lillac vegetal -- not the worst thing in the world but
smell too much like that Shila at the Pink poodle W-house.
Rumor is that she uses it after shaving her mustash...
Normally she keep it hidden under mustard but once a
week or so she has to shave it... and rumor is that she
uses that vegetal stuff to staunch the mess.

Anywho... If I was to let the smallest drop of that vile
concoction near me, my dear Wife and Mother in Law
would shave my head with my spurs and then lap
my head like a bow legged Arkansas hone with that
22" black iron frying pan. And durn it I worked
twenty years getting that fry pan seasoned just
right for flap jacks.

No sir none of that vile vegetal corruption near me....

Originally Posted by niftyshaving

Lillac vegetal -- not the worst thing in the world but
smell too much like that Shila at the Pink poodle W-house.
Rumor is that she uses it after shaving her mustash...
Normally she keep it hidden under mustard but once a
week or so she has to shave it... and rumor is that she
uses that vegetal stuff to staunch the mess.

Anywho... If I was to let the smallest drop of that vile
concoction near me, my dear Wife and Mother in Law
would shave my head with my spurs and then lap
my head like a bow legged Arkansas hone with that
22" black iron frying pan. And durn it I worked
twenty years getting that fry pan seasoned just
right for flap jacks.

No sir none of that vile vegetal corruption near me....

Well that's one lame answer however it's better than all the other slackers around this place so you win. PM me your address and I'll send the soap your way.