Thread: Thebigspendurs Weekly Shaving Brainbuster #46

Good morning Shaving Fiends

Well, it’s Memorial Day 1981 and we had a really great time…uh…what you say? 2000 and what? 2010? Heck but all the graves in the cemetery for the folks who died this year says 1981, no wonder the guy who carved them gave us such a good deal. Come to think of it Eustace was telling me the other day he thought something was irregular when he bought his brand spanking new 1981 Plymouth Belvedere last month and the thing looked mighty worn for a brand new car. The dealer gave him a whole $300 off the list price too.

Well whatever year it is it don’t hardly matter anyway things don’t change round these parts anyhow.

Well we always have a big celaba..uh… celorbr..heck you know a good time and this year was no exception. We had the carnival come into town but the folks who run it pretty much stayed in the trailers. The guy who runs it told me while he was getting a shave yesterday that his freaks were scared to come out because they never did see so many folks freakier than them in the whole wide world. When the Shaving Chimp came at him with that razor why he just passed out on the floor after I told him it wasn’t a midget in a suit but a real chimp. Yes we have a new feature at the shop which is turning out to be real popular with the customers. One of the townsfolk spent some time in the big city while he was incarcerated and said they have these fancy restaurants full of these foreign looking people and when they cook your vittles in front of you they have like a little show. So now the shaving chimp does this show where he comes out and starts a twirling and a slicing and a whooping and a hollering with that big straight and they hold Festus against the wall and he throws knives at him missing by inches. The first time he tried it he killed both badgers with a single throw. They don’t come around anymore and to celebrate we bought the biggest baddest Badger shave brushes in the whole world. Why they’re so big the chimp has to make his lather in a toilet bowl, heck I told him to clean it before he uses it and not by peeing in it.

At any rate they have all these rides and things for the youngans. They also have this thing where you have to shoot at all kinds of things and you win prizes just that they give you this puny little .22. Earlier in the day Portafoy brought his chaingun and aced the entire course including the attendants and bystanders.

The preacher usually does this show with his serpents hoping to win converts where he sticks the snakes in your face trying to scare you. A couple of those hippie types I guess was smoking a little too much of that funny stuff and tried to pet them and this puff adder got both. We were watching them as they writhed on the ground making all kinds of contortions. Heck I didn’t know your body could do things like that. I guess they eventually passed on so they just poured some gasoline on them and used them to start the big barbeque. Ate who? Why you think we’re a bunch of canabols or something like that? No we just used them as firestarter. After we ate we had a big dance and Miss Hogslopper was charging a dollar for a kiss and not to be undone Festus had Baaaby there and he was charging ten cents for her to kiss you. The two lines were pretty even and baaaby really took her time (if you know what I mean).

After that we had a big fireworks show and sang songs and…what you say there are no fireworks for memorial day? It’s supposed to be a solemn occasion? But why? Uh… for the troops? What troops is those? What Memorial Day you talking about? We’re celebrating the day they opened up the quarry to make memorials to supply to all the country even if they do all say 1981.

When the missus and I got home the telegraph was going off. It was Jethro he had just come back up from the ground after exploring that tunnel in Oklahoma and he said why that tunnel wound up in…

So the shaving brainbuster for this week concerns…well…if your shaving brush was big enough would you use a toilet bowl to make lather? Cletus say he’s gonna market a line of shaving mugs that look just like a toilet bowl. You want one? It’s gonna come in a custom wood box that looks just like a privy and smells like one too.

Well, this it folks the big one year celebration for the shaving brainbuster and now you have your chance to win the W&B Razor with the custom Oryx horn scales. So you’re all dying to know what you have to do to win right? Well you have to go down to Pensacola Beach in Florida and the one who can pick up the most oil wins-har har-Just kidding.

Well, here’s the skinny. You have to write a letter to Mr Sasquatch and ask him to award you the razor and why you think he should give it to you. All responses will be judged for originality and because Mr Sasquatch is very bright and knows everything be careful with your grammor and spellin and your facts. He don’t cotton to no falsehoods.

Just post your letter in this thread and we’ll let it go until next weekend. I think he’ll be back from Oklahoma by then.

Good Luck.