Thread: Thebigspendurs Weekly Shaving Brainbuster #52

Good morning shaving fiends

Oh what a beautiful morning,
Oh what a beautiful day,
I have a wonderful feeling,
everythings coming my way….

Yes we packed up the Studebaker with everything we need and I rigged up a lethal electrical trap around the house in case anyone comes around up to no good and we headed to the clan’s where we loaded up. I told the Sergeant and Mephistopheles to enjoy themselves. They said they was a planning to terrorize the countryside. I said I didn’t care just don’t get me involved.

Once at the clan’s we unloaded and collected everything and loaded up the Ford. Baaby, Sasquatch and the two chimps and the badger were in the back. So we headed down the Interstate and the two chimps were grabassing in the back and this car pulls up with some punk kid in the back and he starts…well…aping the chimps and throwing garbage at them and they don’t cotton to that at all and so they started throwing excrement at the car. They got the kid right in the face. Then they started doing it to all the cars that either passed us or we passed. Mr Sasquatch said get me out of here. I ain’t riding in the back with these animals. Baaaby thought it was great sport and was jumping up and down. The badger was asleep.

Well it didn’t take long and the State Patrol pulled us over. They wanted to know if we had a license to carry exotic animals. They also wanted to know where the registration was for the truck. Jethro said the truck was a present and he didn’t need no registration. The Officer didn’t agree. The singing chimp said no, we don’t need to have a license to carry the folks up front. The badger had been sleeping in the corner and the commotion woke him up and since he was agitated to begin with he jumped on the policeman’s head and commenced to start chewing. By the time he was done that poor fella had no hair on his head and was half naked. He got in his car and left in a hurry. He even dropped his gun on the pavement. The shaving chimp picked it up and as we traveled down the road he just started firing at the passing animals on the side of the road. That was funny stuff. He kept trying to shoot at the antelope and they was a moving so fast he kept missing and he had trouble reloading the gun so the singing chimp took it away from him and started dropping those critters left and right. This made the shaving chimp mad and he attacked him with his straight razor he was carrying in his holster so the singing chimp shot him in the foot. Baaby thought that was really funny. Then the badger who was woken up again and was in an unfriendly disposition attacked the singing chimp. Yea they was all going at it in the back of that pickup it was a real barnyard brawl.

Well, we had communicated with that Bigspendur fella and he said we could spend the night with him but when we got to his place it sure didn’t look like it belonged to the richest guy in the world. He didn’t even have anyplace for the animals so we all had to sleep inside. During the night baby opened the icebox and ate the entire contents. The chimps stole all the food out of their pantry and jethro found where he stashed all his shaving gear behind a secret panel and probably took 30 or so high dollar razors not to mention enough soap and hones and strops to keep an army going. The badger found his brush collection and confiscated all the badger brushes. The Badger issued him a summons and he tore it up and kicked him out of the house. The badger returned with a few local skunks he deputized and they got inside and sprayed the whole house real good. Cletus noticed he had this monster stereo system and during the night removed the innards of all the components just leaving the empty outer cases. We left about 4 in the morning not wanting to be discovered however baaaby was making a ruckus and woke the guy up and he tied a chain to the back of the truck to the side of his house and when we took off it pulled the entire wall down collapsing the roof and knocking down the power pole which left wires sparking all over the place and set 3 houses ablaze. That Bigspendur fella just held on to that chain as we dragged him down the street. Jethro put the truck into 4 wheel drive and cut across the desert and through some cholla cactus. He let go fast after that Har Har. Besides we was on some Indian Reservation and they had a herd of Buffalo and where that fella let go of the chain was in the middle of that herd we scattered. They was real ornery. I don’t know what they did to him but it didn’t look pretty in the rear view mirror.

Well we hit the highway again and stopped on the side of the road to have lunch. Auntie had made some sandwiches and the missus had marinated some meat so we just made a fire and started cooking. Well heck how did we know there was some emergency fire threat and just a few sparks set off a brush fire that swept across the desert into the Indian reservation and burnt down the entire town. Yea those Indian Police were chasing us but we got off the reservation before they could catch us. Besides they had to go back and evacuate thousands of folks in the path of that brush fire.

We pulled into one of those posh 10 star motels for the night I think it was called the motel 6. This time we left the animals in the truck after what happened last year. During the night the chimps got into a fight with baaaby and the chimps charged in through the lobby with baaaby following ramming her head through all the walls and the chimps were breaking up all the furniture throwing it at her. Some old lady saw Mr Sasquatch and had a fright and died right there. Finally one of the chimps was swinging around in the utility room and broke the water mains and set off the sprinkler system. All the guests started evacuating the motel and some old geezer knocked down a utility pole which electrocuted about 20 people running through the water. Yea they was crispy critters alright.

Yea when we woke up in the morning the place was deserted. So we just helped ourselves to the free breakfast and jethro tore out the atm machine and threw it in the back of the truck and we took off.

We decided to stop off at the National lab where they give guided tours. Of course the animals had to stay outside but after last night all they wanted to do was sleep anyway. Jethro and Auntie went looking for the restrooms and accidently found theirselves in some control room. They had all these lights and levers and knobs and I guess there was no one around and they pressed the wrong one which launched some big rocket. The whole building shook and I asked one of the brains what happened and he said someone released a guided missile with some new high explosive they was experimenting with. They was trying to self destruct it and kicked everyone out which made Mr Sasquatch mad because he was really enjoying hisself. So he got his Gillette Proglide Razor array and reprogrammed the rocket so they couldn’t destroy it and why he sent it headed right for……

So the brainbuster question is this. Because of the heat of the brushfire our razors with plastic or celluloid scales were damaged. So we took the scales off. Can we shave without the scales or do you need them? Also Cletus found some obsidian and knapped some razor blades for us. So what’s knapping mean? Did he fall asleep on them?

Check back on Friday for the answers.

You can shave without the scales, AFAIK there is no rule against it, the japanese do this quite a bit, but it would be interesting to see what the brushfire did to the shaving edge as far as impromptu heat treating goes.
Knapping is the native American art of shaping rock into tools, arrowheads and such.

Originally Posted by nun2sharp

You can shave without the scales, AFAIK there is no rule against it, the japanese do this quite a bit, but it would be interesting to see what the brushfire did to the shaving edge as far as impromptu heat treating goes.
Knapping is the native American art of shaping rock into tools, arrowheads and such.

I believe Nun2sharp has summed it up nicely...

It would be interesting to see a Celluloid scale go up in flames. I work on old fountain pens as a hobby, one easy way to tell you've heated the celluloid TOO much is you are holding a sparkler in your hands for a split second and then there is a pile of ash. Celluloid goes up with a flash of light and smoke.
I'd guess the carbon steel blades would be a bit worse for the wear from the heat, but probably still shaveable after a bit of work.

I'm not certain if Knapping is/was exclusive to the Native Americans... IIRC, cave-men did the same thing and "sub-human" primates did it long before the cavemen. Don't some chimps/apes do something similar now to create basic tools? I do believe the height of the art was in the Clovis point arrow heads... sharp enough to shave with from what little I know.

Originally Posted by OiRogers

I believe Nun2sharp has summed it up nicely...

It would be interesting to see a Celluloid scale go up in flames. I work on old fountain pens as a hobby, one easy way to tell you've heated the celluloid TOO much is you are holding a sparkler in your hands for a split second and then there is a pile of ash. Celluloid goes up with a flash of light and smoke.
I'd guess the carbon steel blades would be a bit worse for the wear from the heat, but probably still shaveable after a bit of work.

I'm not certain if Knapping is/was exclusive to the Native Americans... IIRC, cave-men did the same thing and "sub-human" primates did it long before the cavemen. Don't some chimps/apes do something similar now to create basic tools? I do believe the height of the art was in the Clovis point arrow heads... sharp enough to shave with from what little I know.

Hey now wait a minute buddy. You got nerve referring to us as sub human primates. Lucky for you I'm on vacation now or I'd come over to your house and teach you a thing or two. I could use my giant razor to give you a shave close around the shoulders. You'd better hope Mr Sasquatch don't read this.

Signed
The shaving chimp.

Charlie Bighorse from the Apache Nation wrote in to say he's an expert at knapping. His people having been doing it that way since they made the first tomahawk to deal with those pesky settlers. He said if any members are ever up in Northeast New Mexico to stop by the reservation and he'll give you an expert haircut with a knapped blade.

Originally Posted by thebigspendur

Because of the heat of the brushfire our razors with plastic or celluloid scales were damaged. So we took the scales off. Can we shave without the scales or do you need them? Also Cletus found some obsidian and knapped some razor blades for us. So what’s knapping mean? Did he fall asleep on them?

With your skill, I'm pretty sure you could shave without scales, with feathers as scales, heck you could probably shave with 20lb scales & use them to work out after.

I see a perfect opertunity to get some nice custom scales. I'm pretty sure Charlie Bighorse could get you some very nice materials so Mr. Sasquatch could make the most amazing scales for those razors

On another note, I hope the blades weren't annealed from the heat. If you were lucky, the blades cooled down real fast & you got an even better temper than the orignial blade. You might have the greatest blades known to man kind in you possession. Add Mr. Sasquatch's scales, and I'm pretty sure those razors would end up in a museum, or better yet, in the hands of someone from SRP. I heard those guys get pretty darn happy when they get a good shave.

Nacuma Odowaflori wrote in from Lagos to say his father who was the main Nigerian razor maker just passed away and left him 10 million dollars but he can't get it unless he can prove he knows how to take care of a razor so if one of you SRP Members can help him he'll pay you $500,000 cash. Just send him your name and address and a list of all your credit cards and bank account numbers and passwords and he'll get right back to you.

So after taking a long knap check back this weekend. The chimps said something about visiting a wild animal park. What could possibly happen there? Har Har.