Thread: Thebigspendurs Weekly Shaving Brainbuster #57

Good morning shaving fiends

We’ve been having bad luck at all those posh hotels we been staying in. We’re just tired of all the low class riff raff they have there as customers so Cletus treated us and this night we stayed at the four seasons. Yea we had more rooms than we knew what to do with. Baaby and the chimps jumped in the swimming pool and all those travelers was kind enough to exit the pool so they would have plenty of room to folic. Ms Sasquatch was sunning herself when some security guard told her to put some clothes on. She threw him in the pool. Sasquatch was in the exercise room but he was so strong the weight machine didn’t have enough weights so he dismantled all the machines to make one machine. Some dude was in there and asked Sasquatch to spot him and when Sasquatch dropped the weights on him it broke the bench and sent the weight crushing into his chest. He was trying to talk but we couldn’t understand him and kept telling him to speak up. Finally he quit talking altogether. I guess he was tired from all the weights.

We had dinner in their restaurant. Baaaby ordered a huge salad and the chimps ate all their banana cream pies. Ms Sasquatch wanted ice cream with her dessert but the badgers finished it all so she started yelling at Sasquatch to go get her some ice cream and he didn’t want to and when the waiter passed by with a few bottles of some 100 year old wine she grabbed them and broke them over his head. Jethro started yelling at the waiter accusing him of serving bad food. He said he wouldn’t drink no 100 year old anything. Meanwhile auntie went back to the kitchen with the missus and told the chef a thing or two about preparing proper stick to your ribs food. I was trying to eat my salad but it was so small I needed a magnifier to see it and Cletus’s steak was so small he could fit the whole thing in his tea spoon. Once we started complaining everyone else started complaining. The crew went in the back and kicked all the employees out of the kitchen and we cooked some real food for the folks. At the end of the night as we left they gave up a round of applause not to mention a load of cash as tips. The guy at the entrance what you call the Mr D or something demanded his cut. Sasquatch hung him on the coat hook and the shaving chimp shaved one side of his head.

When we got back to the room the Satellite Phone was ringing. It was Festus. He still didn’t know where he was and was still wandering around in the desert. His herd of goats was getting bigger. He said goats from all over were all joining him. He had hundreds now. He was going into small towns preaching to the folks about the simple things in life. By now his hair and beard were three feet long. He said when he sleeps he keeps hearing voices. I said what are the voices telling you. He says he is being told to keep preaching and to warn folks about what was in store for them. He said this morning some of the goats had come down from a hill and brought back some stones with strange writing on it. Hmmm….

On the way out of town we passed by this shaving store. They had all this fine soaps and aftershaves like the kind those rich folks would use. They had these names I had heard people talking about in those rich folks magazines at the barber shop. Yea they had Williams and Van der Hagen and Surrey. They had all these exclusive razors on a wall. Cletus asked to see one and the Shaving Chimped grabbed the display and all 100 razors came crashing down on the floor. The shopkeeper said that will cost you these are all fine razors imported all the way from Pakistan. Cletus said they’re junk. The shopkeep said he was gonna call the police so the chimps held that fella down and shaved him with one of his fancy imported razors and the Williams soap. Yea when he was done that fells didn’t have a whisker left on his face or any skin for that matter.

Yea we hit the road and at the rest area I was asking one of those police fellas why everything was blackened and burnt up. He said some crazy fools started a brush fire that swept over the plains for 50 miles and burnt down 3 towns. They’re still looking for them. We decided to leave.

Jethro called back home to check on things and got Vasoline. He said he had been over to my place the other day and it looked like a mess. Someone had knocked holes in the walls and dug everything up. He said he found Mephistopheles cowering in a corner crying like a baby. Something about some monster. He said whoever it was scrawled a skull and crossbones in the dirt with my name on it.

Well, now it was time to pay that Bigspendur fella a little visit. So we stopped by the Indian Reservation and got a few of those buffalos and started driving them toward his property. We have to figure this out carefully because he’s a very wily fella. Jethro dynamited a drainage channel behind his house to divert it so the big storm that was gathering would just wash his property away.

That’s when we made our move. All of a sudden lights go off and alarms sound and this pack of crazed coyotes attack us and they overwhelmed the badgers carrying them away for dinner. Then someone opens up on us with a machine gun on the roof of the house and the landmines he had in the front yard start going off. Yea we was in big trouble so we….

So the brainbuster for this week concerns how are we supposed to shave in a moving vehicle. Any of you fellas ever do that before? How do you think we should do that? The shaving chimp was trying to shave jethro and got car sick and threw up all over him.

Check back on Friday for the rocking answers. (If the vans a rockin don’t a come a knocking-har har)

Travis from R&D at Gillette wrote in to say, lose the Chimp and get a Proglide and stop shaving like a bunch of Sissy's. A moving vehicle won't be an issue with a proglide.

Lucifer from...wrote in to say don't worry about a moving vehicle. When you drive down a really bumpy road and try shaving the vibration will enhance the effect of the razor and if the monkey slips well...I'll be waiting for you at the end of the road (if you know what I mean).

But the real reason He wrote in was because when he shaves with his straight back home (yes Lucifer uses a straight) the heat melts the hardening and he wants to know if any of the shave guru's have a solution for that besides shaving fast, really fast.

He says if anyone has a real solution he'll use his influence to accomodate you early Har Har.

I told him I don't have a clue.